My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Q: Why do anarchists always use functional programming?

A: Because it has no state.

*bum tiss*

Here is your ticket.

Look us now

How Linus Torvalds laughs ?:
Uploads ha.wav to an ftp server and lets the rest of the world mirror it 😃😃

Fat indeed

Microsoft is making impart!!!

How to make your users love you 101

...solution found!

Me: *Watching a movie*

Main Character: "Oh no, we have to hack the CIA to figure out how this machine works! Hacker girl, do the stuff"

Hacker Girl: "Consider it done!"

Hacker Girl: *Opens Linux bash*

Hacker Girl: *types 'mkdir Hack_CIA'

Hacker Girl: "They have two-factor authentication in place, this is going to be a hard one."

Hacker Girl: *Types 'cd Hack_CIA'*

Hacker Girl: "I'm in!"

Me: "..."

Friend: "Wow, so well done, so realistic!"

Me: *Dies*

I am definitely doing this someday!!

How that can happen?

Everyday story of Windows users and applications

A sys admin in his natural environment.

Internet streaming website be like:

Oh no, you can't right click and save the video file on your computer!

*f12* *ctrl+f* *<video* *right click* *open in new tab* *right click* *save as*

Elementary school 😂

Rofl😂😂😂

My cat loosed resolution, what should I do? :/

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

I think the most annoying thing of being a programmer is to accidentally press ctrl + s on a browser because of having been saving so much

So this happened last night...

Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.

After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.

Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...

Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"

WTF!!!

Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

Check out this superb website that I made..

http://localhost:8080

Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

Pretty accurate 😂