18

Hi! 😀 Great to meet you!!! I hope you are having a fabulous day 🐝. My name is John Doe 👔 at the TechyHelp 🤲 company. I know I might not look like much 🤪, but I will do my very best to make sure 🫵 YOU get my best service 👨‍🔧 to your hearts content 😌. I am sorry that this problem has been causing you pain 😥 it must be so awful dealing with this 😖 I can’t even imagine 🫣. I feel for you deeply 😮‍💨. It is my duty 🫡 and I will make sure to give you exactly what you are asking for and more. I am aching 😩 to satisfy you so you don’t feel anymore pain. I want to give you 🫴 so much pleasure today 🤤 to make sure you never have to think 🤔 about this problem ever again 🥰.

Upon applying some of my sleuthing 🕵️‍♂️ skills to use, I found that to restart your computer, press and hold Alt + F4

Let me know if this solves your problem!

I really hope I entertained you today 🥺. It is my pleasure ✨ to give you the most satisfaction possible, and I love that u came to me first 🤓. I know sometimes these problems can get built up 🥴 and really explode 🎊 💦 when you least expect it. So I hope I relieved some of that pressure today ☺️.

If you enjoyed my performance today, we would love to hear your feedback! 📝 Please sign up at the form below so that we can call you 📱 and hear about your experience 🌝. You can also take the 69 question survey on how well I serviced you today 😏.

Have a blessed day!
Stay safe!
Hope your life is amazing!
Happy pride month!
Peace, love, unity, respect!
Hugs and kisses!
Thanks a million!

- John

Comments
  • 10
    WTF did i just read??? Please Tell me this is not a real feedback message. The amount of emoji's makes me want to 🤢🤮.
  • 11
    I nearly downvoted thinking it's another spam lmao
  • 5
    This is the worst!

    Except the pride month part. Me like that!
  • 6
    I think my eyes have cancer now...
  • 5
    Sent from my iPhone
  • 2
    The message of the text is unclear. It needs more emojis!
  • 1
    The fuck?
  • 1
    If anyone wants to fight me today and get the shit beat out of them in the parking lot, I’ll be at Chili’s drinking $5 margs - I will actually destroy you.
  • 0
    @galena yeah same can’t wait to get back to the city for the festivities
  • 3
    Is this the output of a sexbot after getting the client to climax?
  • 1
    @chonky-quiche I would just hug you.

    And never let go.
  • 0
    @IntrusionCM we can embrace as we smell the wonderful tequila and lime stench on each other
  • 2
    Is this a sex thing
  • 1
    @AlgoRythm only if you want it to be...

    @chonky-quiche *burps* lovely idea.
  • 2
    I think I got that email from betechly dot com this morning (maybe not as many emoji's)

    Wanted me to fill out a 'survey' and they'll send me a yeti tumbler or a tile pro.

    Is there a name for these 'guys' that feel like we're now best friends just because I watched a video or attended a webinar?

    "Hey buddy, I just left you a voice mail, and a little disappointed you haven't returned my call. Lets connect next week and ..."

    I'm not your 'buddy', I don't return phone calls to unsolicited salesmen, and I'll ignore you again next week.
  • 0
    @PaperTrail literally it’s so fucking annoying
  • 2
    @IntrusionCM share a croissant together. He'll let you hug him and never let go. I'm sure
  • 1
    Quaso
  • 3
    @retoor sharing food... That's on an intimacy level way higher than hugging.

    Far too high.
  • 1
    @IntrusionCM chonky tries that with women on the street he doesn't know. @chonky-quiche did you try hugging instead?
  • 2
    @retoor @IntrusionCM I actually hugged and shared food with a girl today so…

    But no I will prefer giving random women and men food that I have cooked like chicken nuggets over hugs bc I feel hugs can be weird sometimes.

    Like I won’t dap up one of the bros unless it’s one of the bros ya know?
  • 3
    @chonky-quiche an intern at a company tried once to grab my coffee pot. A fork in the table close to his hand stretching out taught him that there is zero tolerance regarding sharing food...

    Hugs are intimate.

    Food is more intimate.

    If I share coffee, we're either soulmates or I assume it's poisoned so you became my test subject.
  • 3
    I actually find a good hug more intimate
  • 1
  • 1
    murder.

    For some reason thats the only word that comes to mind while reading this post. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Well done.
  • 0
    @galena idk I think it's a lot cooler when not commercialised...

    Although in this context I'm not so sure anymore...
  • 2
    @Tonnoman Same! I do love it, but companies really shouldn't put a metaphorical price tag on peoples identities!
Add Comment