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8y

What it's like to be a network engineer...translated into normal people speak

User: I think we are having a major road issue.

Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are fine. I was actually just on the roads.

User: No, I’m pretty sure the roads are down because I’m not getting pizzas.

Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What do you mean you aren’t getting pizzas?

User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered them, now I’m not getting them. It has to be a road issue.

Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are you getting pizzas from?

User: I’m not really sure. Can you check all places that deliver pizzas?

Me: No I don’t even know all the places that deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.

User: I think it is Subway.

Me: Okay, I’ll check…No, I just looked and Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.

User: I’m pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just allow all food from Subway and we can see if pizza shows up?

Me: Sigh, fine I’ve allowed all food from Subway, but I don’t think that is the issue.

User: Yeah I’m still not getting pizza. Can you check the roads?

Me: It’s not the roads, the roads are fine. I’m pretty sure Subway isn’t the place.

User: Okay, I found it. It’s Papa Johns.

Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one in a different town?

User: I don’t know. Can you allow pizza from all Papa Johns to me?

Me: No I can’t do that. Can you get me an address for Papa Johns?

User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns and I’ll tell you if one of them is correct?

Me: No, I don’t have time for that. Okay, I looked at the local one and it looks like they have sent you pizza in the past and they are currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try ordering a pizza while I watch.

User: Yeah still no pizza. I’m guessing they are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you check the freeway to make sure they can get through?

Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't even using the freeway.

User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue.

Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove from the Papa Johns to the address they have on file for you and there is nothing there.

User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.

Me: Did you give your new address to Papa Johns?

User: No, I just thought they would be able to look me up by name.

Me: No they need your new address. What’s your new address?

User: I’m not really sure. Can you look it up?

Me: Sigh, give me a second…Okay, I found your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try ordering a pizza now.

User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!

Me: Okay, good.

User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize for the delay in the pizza but there was a major road issue that was preventing the pizza from getting to me. The network engineer has fixed the roads and we are able to get pizza again.

Me: But it wasn’t the roads…whatever.

User: Oh, can you also check on an issue where Chinese food isn’t getting to me? I think it may be a road issue

rant

network engineer

pizza
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Comments
  • 152
    8y
    You made me hungry and chuckle at the same time
  • 128
    8y
    You should also mention how it is of great importance to get the pizza right now or everything will fall apart
  • 58
    8y
    🗡️🔫🔨🔧
    Choose one and try it on the user 😒
  • 21
    8y
    Fuck you.... There is no road issue.....😂
  • 41
    8y
    I was already mad half way through
    😡😡
  • 3
    8y
    This is great!
  • 9
    8y
    When people are hungry, they blame it on the road
  • 21
    8y
    Just like talking to a rock.
  • 1
    8y
    Awesome. Thanks for doing the effort
  • 8
    8y
    Reading this is sooo infuriating 😤
  • 3
    8y
    sounds about right
  • 13
    8y
    Makes me want to come up with something similar for those of us who are developers instead of engineers...
  • 12
    8y
    As a worker from a local ISP you make my day.
  • 3
    8y
    This is just gold
  • 19
    8y
    I am not getting enough +1s here. Definitely it's a road issue.
  • 0
    8y
    That's a lot of pizzas on the road!
  • 10
    8y
    Did you do a packet capture with TireShark?
  • 5
    8y
    @ghost1227 as a programmer, I found that speaking to the buggles in terms of literature stuff to describe what I'm doing ("I'm writing a book, made of chapters which tell this story about these characters"), usually does a decent job in delivering the message
  • 1
    8y
    Ixia products helps in this problems. Trust me.
  • 3
    8y
    I've just realised I always blame the roads too. I'll be more considerate in future.
  • 6
    8y
    This is so well written!
  • 7
    8y
    @Renze excellent rant. True rant of rants!
  • 1
    8y
    Truer words have never been spoken
  • 3
    8y
    That's one fucking fine rant, Sir!
  • 4
    8y
    I could hear their voices in my head as i read though... 😂😂
  • 0
    8y
    My 2 cents to you sir
  • 0
    8y
    deja vu
  • 0
    8y
    So then what happened?
  • 0
    8y
    @gitpush
    🛣️
    Choose one and try it on the user.
  • 1
    8y
    This is the best rent ever
  • 1
    8y
    I am sorry that I can only give you one ++
  • 2
    8y
    @yfede haha the buggles? That's the best stupiduser name ever
  • 1
    7y
    I think this is the most accurate description of the job I've ever heard :'D showing this to all of the aunties if they ask what I do :D
  • 0
    6y
    This has made me hate User with a passion.
  • 0
    6y
    I want to say this rent is awesome, but apparently we millenials misuse that word so I'm just gonna say this is a great rent. Thanks for posting
  • 1
    5y
    I was a network engineer for 2 and half years. I can relate to this.
  • 0
    4y
    My knowledge on stuff is pretty terrible but I can narrow it down at least this much
  • 0
    4y
    oh this would trigger me!
  • 0
    4y
    Screams internally
  • 0
    4y
    Do that :d
  • 0
    4y
    Thank you! Cool!
  • 0
    4y
    Change his email sig to

    THERE WAS NEVER A ROAD PROBLEM. PIZZA WAS LATE BECAUSE I'M STUPID AND LAZY AS DEMONSTRATED BY THE ONGOING PRESENCE OF THIS NOTICE.
  • 0
    3y
    Its what its
  • 1
    2y
    Oh, it sound nice!
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    2y
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  • 0
    1y
    Do that
  • 0
    114d
    Oh, it sound nice!
  • 0
    33d
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    24d
    Trust me its best to always know what your partner is up to. My ex partner was acting shady by going to corners to pick up calls at odd hours. when i asked who he was on the phone with he told me its work related. I really wanted to find out myself by i had no access into his mobile phone. i reached out to this team hacker i met online through reviews [hackerspytech@ gm ail com] and they gave me full access into my partner's phone remotely and from my phone i was able to view his WhatsApp messages , text messages , Facebook messages , tinder , Instagram , call logs . my ex did not know all the time that I was watching his moves as he went to different hotels with women he met on tinder app
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