well seems my physical body rejected my astral self and then shit went fuck

guiizz emotions are important. as is that little voice in your head that they call the conscience. if it goes away turns out you feel lonely, and then you only have base "human" emotions of survival, and walk around like a retard with physical health problems no gold-plated health diet will ever save you from (even past getting thru all the misinformation in institutions which are paid by big soy and corn and petroleum and chemical industries). wild how consistent all this is oh my god

How are you doing atm?

@BordedDev wait how the fuck did I write this yesterday. says posted one day ago

well I went back to the vampire place that made me freak the fuck out and rewrote my delete scripts to remove all the messages there. and then I got re-possessed by whatever fucking problem that guy over there had (I didn't know that would happen, I was feeling pretty confident and strong at the time before it happened again -.-). he was into hypnotism and I think he did that to me. his complicity on the matter is unknown but he's denying everything and now ignoring me. I hate him. guess I'm useless to him if he can't brainwash me which is par for the course I suppose

but I had to just go... uhhh... re-cleanse myself I guess. did some chakra stuff, aura cleansing stuff, revoked contracts for a bit... then did some qigong for shielding

am sane this morning

but I gotta be careful about what I think / auto-meditate of. that's how those things get in. and I have terrible self control for whatever reason

*eats cheese and cherries*

I think the psych drugs feel pretty useless to me now. I have loud tinnitus because ever since the brain issues ofc I do

just got delivery groceries and gorging out. didn't sleep much cuz of scheduling issues

gonna have another psych appointment today and I'm so bored. staving off of drugs so these people stop blaming random nonsense. I love how I told them hey my iq quite literally was tested 145 by your employer (the government) and the guy is like maybe you have feelings of grandiosity therefore it's bipolar. I don't have bipolar -.-

I do have mania. mania's caused by prolonged exposure to stress. I also have fibromyalgia. I don't have antibodies to my neurons, so those multiple sclerosis lesions are not caused by "multiple sclerosis" (which means autoimmunity to your own cells). if I had MS I had probably cured it along with my allergies and such... just got so much stress from being sick so long. fucking MS guy's goons called me 5 times shilling 💊

@jestdotty Sounds very annoying, no chance you can get a different (more competent) guy?

It's good, you got to clear that stuff. Definitely need to stay grounded/in control when meditating. Do you put up any protections when you do?

Could be some previous hypnosis aren't removed, and he used those.

@BordedDev yeah ok I think it was all hypnosis

had the psych appointment a few hours ago and they said I'm doing well. I think they were maybe asking if I got hypnotized actually but not upfront and thought I wasn't cuz I didn't understand the question (they were asking me about social media usage)

and no I never did protections. not only that I _prefer_ to constantly be in a meditative state. so that was probably not good

guess I'll have to learn hynotism now. I'm so pissed

... also I think the drugs are helping. they're making me bored

fuck the MS guy. I have no antibodies so it's not MS. the psych agreed with me. and gave me a way to get my medical scans easily. gonna bring the lesions in brain in later. seems they're trying to study psychosis over there so they're interested in all sorts of data and it ends up feeling humanized since they're not ignoring me

... I'm playing tons of reiki stuff now and that has protections sometimes. I find prot annoying a bit tho? dunno. lazy

I realized at the psych that yesterday I got bored coding something about 40 minutes in and then kept taking pomodoro-like breaks intermittently. I've never had in my life done that before. I tried it as the fad was going on but it made me frustrated and that whole system seemed stupid

I've always coded straight up for hours without rest. he mentioned getting bored like that allows you to notice passage of time. yeah I didn't notice time at all, and now because I can get bored it's like I have way more self control which is interesting...

so psych meds help the mania which is caused by stress I think. idk wtf stress even is maybe should research that

and the freakout I had months ago delving into vampire stuff was cuz of hypnotism that fucker did on me and that made me officially "lose my mind". despite the jokes I was never insane before 😩

I think I gotta work on getting the hypnosis out

and also figure out how to change my habits around so that I don't tarnish my body with stress and psychosis and regain self control to a better degree. fix the ADHD. guess it's psychosomatic ADHD... lol

@jestdotty Glad you're doing better, I'm sure the code stuff will smooth out over time. It might just be rebuilding stamina. I've had times where I'm like that as well, and generally it's been because I needed to build the mental space for it again.

Yeah, being in a meditative state is very nice - for me, it lets me learn entire concepts of things very quickly, even if I didn't understand what I read before.

Maybe look for some protections that don't require a lot of upkeep? So you only have to do it once in a while.

Glad you got your evidence to make that idiot shut up and do his work. Hopefully, help will be a bit more useful now that he knows.

Sounds like you have a good psych :D might be worth mentioning the hypnotism to him, and mention that you have some concerns about latent "instructions" or how you call it.

Also hope that hypnotist guy swallows a lightbulb

But all in all, sounds like good news, and you're getting your legs back under you :D

@BordedDev I don't have the mental space but it's because I up and lost the mental space due to "illness". it's not that I got lazy and lost it. it just poofed. which is just insane to me!

someone just walked me through uhhh... idk how to put it. I found my etheric temple but it's like my mindmap of my default mode network. then they shared with me how they build basically citadels in their heads of their psychology. so now I'm playing around with that. in that I have a ring for my "mental plane" and it's just fucked... I can't even see it but at least I know it's there and I have found it. gives me a lot to meditate on now actually. I can experiment in the temple with the physics. so I think in your mind you have to determine your own physics for "magic". then when you enter others' they have their own physics. and it's just realms with different rules everywhere

... seems if I put something in that doesn't belong it fades in mine lol. so it works like that it seems in the systems

@BordedDev useful now that he knows? I don't think they know. whatever that was referring to

yeah I like the psych at least for now. we get along but all his colleagues keep ditching out for some reason which is strange. he expertly saves social situations I noticed when we hang out when I don't get along with others... which is interesting. and he seems to keep up with my intelligence which is good. I get so annoyed when people don't, and they're like explaining basic things to me and I'm getting bored and feeling like they're treating me as lesser.. I digress

I don't wanna tell him about the hypnotism. I think it would be above the pay grade that I went to an occult server to learn about the astral realms and got distracted by psychic powers and instead got hypnotized -.-.. they put people in the loonie bin for "psychic" shit. but I'm on a quest of exploration. above their pay grade

I did self hypnosis and tried to clean it up. might be fine. if I find artifacts I'll figure it out

@BordedDev I also got access to some of my medical tests finally. not the raw data but something

over the last 3 years

so I'm healthy and especially recently like health guru healthy but my body seems to be under inflammation and taxing my liver and spleen. it's using my blood to soak up oxidative stress. not good

I wanna ask somebody to run an inflammatory markers test on me so I can know whats wrong, and then I can look up how to fix it

I think 3+ years of full body inflammation despite me being a healthy person and even fucking eating all organic never junk food or alcohol or anything and I'm still fucked and suffering... is fuuuuuucking stressful

SOMETHING fucked me up. neurons are very delicate. they just got screwed by the inflammation I think. which probably quite honestly came from that fuuuucking vaccine. but that doesn't help me. I need an inflammatory markers test

also so gross the doctors had these tests but kept shooing me away. they had greater fidelity results, too

@jestdotty yeah, glad you got the test results, hopefully you can find what it is

The guy I was referring to was the MS guy (I was running out of characters)

Sounds like you got the hypnotism stuff sorted (at least for the most part)

Glad the psych guy manages to keep up, fingers crossed it goes well

Neurons, really are complex, like a small pinch in your jaw can set off the entire side of your face