5
jestdotty
123d

I have so many thoughts I literally cannot scream

I don't know where to go and find what I'm looking for
is this the world I remember? scrolled through some current events and this isn't the world I grew up in in the 90s
it's strange life goes on like that
and my teeth keep cracking and will probably fall out of my mouth
I've learned all of dentistry and that ain't it
and the AIs are told to be contradictory and when you catch them they cease communicating
and the search don't work
and forums don't exist
this isn't the world I remember
where you could find real people and real things
it's such a strange world

there's new fads,
people care about weird things... not like actors, but whole technology stacks,
everything is work is stressful, how to be a "leader" (wtf), look at this muffin I made, anti-aging foods or some nonsense, some dude survives on an island for 7 days
I remember when the Internet was like "how to install a printer!"

I've been looking around for stuff to buy, like I wanted a treadmill for a standing desk but they're all sus. I wanted a lamp but they're all sus. I wanted a Roomba but they're all sus. all the pictures are photoshopped on every site, the reviews look fake or outright are 90% "got product for free" and it even states so in the disclaimer, or just plain most things don't have a single rating
it's like the whole economy is dead
why did everyone decide to resell lamps, treadmills, and roombas, wtf
nobody wants this shit. I mean I wanted it but not from scammers. and you can't find not scammers.

there's no real news (like exciting shit), there's no real stuff, there's no real people
I guess life just goes on, we're just parasites on a rock hurdling through space
things I was sentimental about are gone now
I don't even know what people do. I guess everyone my age does meetups and retarded middle-age going to die in their house shit, and I'm stuck at 12 year old shit poster
and anyone interesting got gobbled up by a university and made unofficial nerd clubs and have personal phone calls or something to discuss cool things, but I hated the snobbiness and never fit in with those due to my punchiness, willingness to sound retarded and sometimes gender

it's strange to see articles for dating. I used to have such unified theories about everything, but things have changed so much it's not like slightly off but I just looked outside my window and I appear I'm on an alien planet now

something something mortality I guess. makes me wonder if just the random-ass direction societies take is all that matters. but then why would that even matter anyway? I've always been such a perfectionist, and been lauded for predicting the future everywhere, but somehow I feel blindsided
I don't get the point
I feel like some metamorphosis is happening
but I don't know what I'm giving birth to
I guess it's not the right way to do things but just the way you want to do things
people my age focus on the upbringing they had but I'm not fond of being defined by things I didn't choose, it just doesn't meet my perfectionistic standards you see
it's strange to want to go in a direction but being so out of touch you don't know how
I used to spend so many evenings reading everything and finding the weirdest things nobody knew about
but these things are so hard to find
or are they? maybe I'm mixing my unconscious stuckness to my own familiarity with feeling caged in
word of mouth used to exist but now it's a promo that gets you banned
reddit is a ghost town with the amount of people they banned
and people are so weird now. you enter a room you never get anything interesting
how many uninteresting places is there per interesting place?
if I don't know where to go to find what I'm looking for I need to go everywhere and survey everything so I can itemize and know how to navigate in the directions I'm looking for

maybe it's the crushing defeat in realizing muting tactics work
that barrier to do a task will drop the lazy, but eventually even the relentless can't find their way out because every step is so far

maybe I thought of the world as an infinite garden of infinite gifts, and it's like it's coming to an end. the party ends. but I don't like anything else

Comments
  • 4
    "stuck at 12 year old shit poster"

    "willingness to sound retarded"

    I think we may be related.
  • 0
    Maybe you need one of those things to stop you chewing your teeth in the night.

    I'm always finding out weird things I didn't know about.

    Like the other day I found out there's a place in Newfoundland called Dildo.
  • 1
    This is, in no way meant as a joke or jab at you, but I recommend getting professional help.
  • 2
    @Ranchonyx reminded me of this perspective lmao
  • 1
    @jestdotty Being reductive, the job of a psych dude is being chill and attentively listening to you to then try and help with organizing your thoughts, or give you an outside perspective at the very least, and sometimes drugs; it's not really a paid pretend friendship, though I get where you're coming from with this observation.

    I've never sought or visited one out of my own will, most I've met are bullshiters through-and-through. My dad would be the exception, he's quite a lovable, knowledgeable and sensible guy. Doesn't speak a single word of english though, I'm just mentioning the man cause he's pretty cool.

    But anyhoo, though I agree that many illnesses would not be as widespread in a less alienating social structure, do note that they would still exist. Some schizophrenics, or at least those on the 'I think I met God' frequency (I love you Karin), do a lot better after seeing a non-bullshit psych. You can't just cure them with friendship is what I mean. Believe me, we tried.
  • 1
    @jestdotty It sadly leans too strong towards erroneous and premature diagnosis followed by years-long processes that will only fuck you up, that much is true.

    Some people do the thing, you know, 'raise awareness' to address the superficial issue -- like a negative social attitude -- while ignoring how getting legit treatment is hard, which is the real problem.

    So folks simply direct one, with good intentions, to get help or whatever. I suppose their experience with this is different. But there is a particular effect, a rare, perpetual state of consciousness that they cannot engage with because they don't know it. So one under this spell is implicitly cut off, in essence, not necessarily in the biblical sense.

    But look, senses and thoughts can be very fucking deceiving, and its tough for oneself to make judgements on it. Thats the underlying principle as to why someone else must be involved, yet it cannot be anybody as there's a lot of trust involved, so back to square one. fuk
  • 1
    Reddit fucking sucks so hard. I lost my music account that had a decent following and took years to cultivate with real fucking people interacting with my shit. I get salty anytime I think about it.

    I got perma-banned because my bandmate (we share another music-related account for our project together) posted something about Gaza in r/worldnews on his OTHER account that was perceived as anti-Israel (it was a joke about the IDF Cum Extraction Unit meme, lmao) which is a ban-able offence there, and thus Reddit decided that my account was also his account, and he was apparently bending over backwards with 4 accounts trying to circumvent a ban, to try to and post IDF Cum Extraction Unit memes lmao. get a grip Reddit.

    Like every unwashed dipshit working at Reddit needs to touch grass several dozen times.
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