This describes my feelings so well...

So this guy called me. I hung up at the second 'ring'. He called again and I hung up immediately. I mean without picking up.

Please, get the hint, I'm fucking busy. Leave a message, I'll call you back if needed.

But don't try and contact me a THIRD TIME in a time frame of 1 minute. Not through WhatsApp. That's borderline harassment GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Yo mama's so fat that if she sat on a binary tree she will convert it into a linked list in O(1) time

Everyday i used to spend an hour in the morning reading emails.

Until i made a script that reads all mails, parses to urgent/priorities/meetings etc. Then shows me a dashboard of everything. 1 hr turned to 20mins max.

Then i made a chatbot out of it and now i just talk to it everytime and gives me the rundown.

Gave me so much time to code instead of reading fucking emails.

A few years ago when I was still an apple fan boy, friend of mine bragging me about how android is awesome, we were drinking some shots at our local pub and I was starting to get light headed. At one point he showed me so called "terminal emulator" app. I checked it out, and assumed it's an emulation, just like dosbox, so I decided to verify that "rm -rf *"... (the phone was rooted)

The phone shutdown within seconds, I couldn't stop laughing, while my friend was shock that his new phone was longer booting.

Luckily he managed to reflash the ROM. What can I learn from that experience?
1. Don't drink and sudo
2. Don't call your app an emulator if it's the real deal.

It's definitely a Monday...

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Startup job descriptions

Found my new coding jam

Contex: Working on a c++ frankenstein code (mixture of legacy and new stuff whith things depending on the client using it)

User Story: Migration from oracle to SQLite for half of the DB data

Summoner: One client wants to keep using legacy for now, therefore we need an strategy chooser templated singleton...

Satan 666 = Singletons + Static methods + Different compilation units

Result: 3/4 of the files of the full backend being modified for the migration.

Conclusion: When will be loaded on production company will probably lose many clients due to unspected bugs everywhere.

Insert potato here

Just learned new skills...

Spaghetti wiring doesn't actually mean spaghetti coding. 😂

Want to understand a DDOS attack?
Imagine trying to work while being interrupted every few seconds.. forever.
Just like an open office!

Fianceé didn't get it when I told her she was my 0th first real love

When you find a result on google that has the exact same title as your problem and get a 404 page after clicking it...

Story of my life.

Life of Programmer

Always happening ....😂

The reason I _always_ overestimate my time on a task

When you have important not work related appointment, can't work late, suddenly tricky show stopper bug shows up, you have to do dirty hack in fifteen minutes, push to master, run out of work and hope it compiles and works and will be ready for deployement in the morning.

You know you're a JavaScript dev when you spend most of your time in GitHub issues instead of StackOverflow

I need one of these shirts! 😂

Visual studio just forced update on my friend's whole team, boss just let them all go home early and pray that it finished updating by tomorrow... Good job Microsoft

CSS...

(originally from Twitter)

That one killed me x) 😂😂

Had to repost this Lmao

Developers Rant

When your team lead tells you to exactly replicate the ui which your designer has done using photoshop and the jpg output is given to the developer.

When there is a bug in the debugger

none support IE so it shouldn't be that hard😁