An aunt enthusiastically regifted me a Captain Phasma figurine. "It's your favorite Star Trek person, Luke Sky Water!"

Politely accepted.

MongoDB..

Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."

I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.

It's not micromanagment. But I would like you to report to me every single day and discuss everything that you and every member of your team does every day.

Once upon a time
Performance Review, "great job", "like all your achievements so far".. signed.

Two days later, same manager, "as you can guess, you didn't pass probation. Could have done more."
"Oh more like?"
"Just, you know, more."

If a tree falls over in the woods..
And important dev work gets done and shipped,
And it's not in JIRA.. did it even really happen..

After receiving an offer..

"We changed our mind."
"What happened?"
*ghosted

So they are back, wanting another quick PR approved.
The PR:

```
let isDisabled = switch quantity > 0 {
| true =>
switch value !== "" {
| true => false
| false =>
switch inputStatus {
| Valid =>
switch inputData {
| Ok(a) => a !== 0.0 ? false : true
| Error(_) => true
}
| _ => true
}
}
| false => true
}
```

Workplace infantilzation..

Why have you not yet approved my PR?!!?!

The PR:

```
role.filter(elem => elem !== "view" ? elem !== "use" ? elem !== "admin" ? false : true : true : true)

Dear future me, "Don't have another coffee!".

Dear future future me, "have another coffee."

Workplace starts using slack (or other chat app);

Now you can use channels: now your inbox has inboxes and you don't know where to look.

Now channels support threads: now your inboxes have inboxes have inboxes.

1,000 books on productivity and research show how important deep work is and time boxing your email:
Now your inboxes that have inboxes thst have expect your attention every moment of the day.. And I still don't know where to look.

We didn't mislead you on the role. We just didn't identify that these details would be important in your decision factors.

Dear CTO, please don't forget about the "T".

Another day, another job description

# Benefits
- Flexible work hours
: You'll be coding to midnight
- Ability to work from home some days
: But watch out for those other days..
- Our office space provides free coffee, beer and soft drinks as well as an amazing modern workspace
: Our tax expense will get you gee'd up and tipsy til you loose track of time. (Future diabetes health insurance not included).
- Growth and future progression opportunity
: Pinky promise!
- Receive valuable company equity
: Plus a set of steak knives for four easy payments
- Latest MacBook Pro
: We own this. We own the thoughts you have while looking at this. Plese think many thoughts.

Job review time,
(just a random pick from the a list).
---
"Engineering Lead"
Translation: "Chief Calculator Officer"

"Anyone can design or spec a product, get it manufactured overseas and get it to market. But will it be good? Will people buy it?"
Translation: "We're looking for a miracle"

"Take on a top notch team that is going places in Electronics, R&D and advanced product development."
Translation: "Professional Excel engineer wanted"

"This company is a little-known success story that has been operating for over X years, making mission-critical electronic equipment for use by consumers, professionals, government and industry."
Translation: "Design weapons and tamagotchis."

"Working as part of the Senior Leadership team, you will have charge of the I.P. engine and product development team spinning up new ideas and throwing them out the door."
Translation: "You're success is our success. Your failure is your failure."

"The Role
- Generate New Ideas
- Push for new products
- Drive manufacturing
- Manage a cross disciplinary team that includes Electronics, Software and Mechanical
- Project Manage new projects to completion
- Interact with marketing and sales to drive results"
Translation: "We've never hired one person to be a whole team before but we think it will work."

"On your first day, we expect:
- Strong Leadership experience and skills
- Solid Engineering Fundamentals
- Experience taking new and existing products to market
- Experience with manufacturing high-tech, mission critical equipment
- Commercial Acumen
- Bachelors in Electrical or Electronic Engineering"
Translation: "We expect you know where to hide the drugs already."

"Nice to have:
- Experience with Defense or Medical Systems
- R&D background
- MBA, B. Commerce or similar"
Translation: "By clicking on this job ad your background check is already under way."

"In return:
- A loyal and oustanding team will be there to support you
- Extremely knowledgeable experts to guide you
- Incredibly smart founders to mentor you
- The opportunity to work on a real product
- Extremely generous salary package"
Translation: "Our last dev has removed the Warrant Canary. Can you pleeease put it back?!"

Is there a random rant/story button?

We're all just pretending we're OK with the fresh hell that is known as OKRs right? Right!?