Read the documentation they said. It would be easy they said!

LOL.

Lol, prob repost but funny anyway.

*Showerthoughts*

Steam downloads games over plaintext, so can I whireshark a game and get it for free then?

*Showerthoughts*

This meme requires you to be outside of the European Union to view.

Implementing the application exactly like the client specified, because they won't listen.

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

React Native, Flutter or Ionic?

Bad documentation should be punishable by death

So true :D

Problem: There is a fucking amount of logic to build.
Solution: Modulize the fuck out of the problem for 2 months to swing the lead until you can't modulize the problem anymore and have to start actually thinking on how to solve it.

On the feedback form of a new app I started using, I gave several suggestions of features I'd really like to have. As a joke, number 6 was "hire me and Ill write them".

They didn't take it as a joke. Im now 3/4 of the way through their hiring process and they like me the best of all applicants.

I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.

I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.

When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.

Sweet, sweet malice.

Some years back I was working in a project that essentially dealt with all things related to foreigners and foreign affairs in Switzerland. You could manage entry visas, work permits, citizenship, international warrants, Interpol requests, etc.

One of the test managers (from client side - i.e. the government) was once manually "testing" and mixed up the production and test instance, to both of which he was logged in at the time.
The test case then ended up setting up an entry ban against himself, as he used his own name for testing...

Next time he returned from vacation the border control at the airport were like "Uhm, Sir, we can't let you into the country. Please come with us." :D :D

(He managed to clear that up in end, I dare say, though, that he learned his lesson.)

😁😁 oh i got another idea

I'm so excited about this small little feature I implemented in devRant unofficial UWP.
Can't stop using it… 😅

I hope you'll enjoy it (coming in v2.0.0-beta15 very soon). 😁

when your code is a mess but everything work out in the end

When you know you are the product.

Karma XD

A Command Line Tool Written in Python [more details]

Team Leader(TL): So you finished the sql scripts and stored procedures?
Me: Yep!
TL: And properly formatting the front end to look exactly how we want it.
Me: Yep
TL: Well we waiting on feedback from the boss so i guess you'll have to do the documentation.
Me: I hate documentation, please give me anything else
TL: It's not a lot dude, you can do it.
Me: Didn't one of the intern's and the database admin do it already?
TL: Yes. but you can take both of them and make one complete one.
Me: *You just don't want me to work on my own things you FUCKER* Fine, but don't expect it to be done this week.
TL: It's Tuesday, why not.
Me: Because i hate dcumentation

I FUCKEN. hate! documentation.

how to get the most downvotes on devRant :

If you are selling something for a charitiy: Implement a "round up" button! Let's say someone buys something for 19$, add the possibility to round up the amount to 20$. Surprisingly a lot of people make use of it :-)

So,the company I work for has a giant application that runs Java fucking 6

Every time i need to restart it I need to wait 15 minutes.

Fuck giant monolith
Fuck java 6

I fucking miss micro services :/

Achievment unlocked : first time database delete clause where fuckup on a live database.

I guess everyone should answer it.

Me as a boyfriend

Btw , am single now

Made my day😂😂😂!!

This is how you do UI/UX. Enter you postcode, road name and number and you have all possible adresses in this road to choose from. Best user experience ever