CTO s shouldn't write software once there are more than 50 devs in the company. They shouldn't make tech decisions. It is time for you to back off and help with more important things. We really need you to get process nailed down. We really need you to help us understand business better. Not writing code.

Agile coach Agiling: We shouldn't need code reviews as long as there is pair programming.

Me Internally: bad code + bad code doesn't make good code :(

Working on production issue,
Kind of nervous checking logs and so on...
Ops manager and PO who were looking over my shoulder this whole time start shooting the breeze.

I know what they were trying to do. They are trying to create a relaxed environment.

But the issue is that the talk is very distracting. If you want to shoot the breeze please go somewhere else.

Anyway just did that, asked them to leave. They weren't happy about it. But I really needed the silence.

Was very sick today.
Hopped over to work virtually so I can help with an issue holding up prod release.
Felt pretty awesome about the whole deal.

Than realized three things:

1- this was a bad example to junior devs.
2- stole learning experience from other devs
3- I am leaving this company. I should have allowed the weaning process to start

Dev: [does some weird code to make test pass]
Me: this won't work. Literally the documentation says what you did won't work once we move towards our end goal architecture.
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
.... One Sprint later nothing works...
Dev: [does some weird code to make test pass]
Me: no. You need to solve underlying problem.
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
.... One Sprint later nothing works...
Me: please stahp
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
Me: WTF man do your fucking job
Scrum Master: stahp lowering our velocity
Me: wut? 😒

Whispers in the dark haunt me:
You are not here to innovate
You are known as a mad scientist and your help will be detrimental​ to progress
Your wish of change goes against our legacy
You can not do it
It can't be done
You will be blocked
You don't have the experience to accomplish this
It is not easy as it seems
You won't understand
There are political reasons to not to improve
No

SeniorDev(in code review): Yeah, I know this is wrong but I will look into it later
Me: Can you please mention the ticket you have created to look into it later
[JuniorDev gives me a high five for sticking to our coding principles. No sweeping under the rug! Felt awesome.]

Me: [Talking about how you are able to create AMI images on AWS using Packer without relying on public AMI images]
Ops: Yeah our AWS version doesn't have that.
Me: wut? ಠ_ಠ

Dev: My VM is not working. Something is wrong with VM.
Me: Have you made any changes to the code?
Dev: It shouldn't matter my VM is not working.
[I go and check the Dev's VM.]
Me: ಠ_ಠ The build output literally states your unit tests failed

Dev1: We need you to name this service
Dev2: Name it whatever
Dev1: You should name it
Dev2: Can we change it later?
Dev1: No
Dev2: Are you going to have dependencies on the name
Dev1: Yes
Dev2: Call it StupidDev1
Dev1: Ok we will name it

Got my ActiveMQ-Zookeeper Replicated LevelDB setup finished! All provisioned with Ansible. so happy :) needed to share. anyone else like setting up high availability stuff?

I was asked to map a mathematical problem to an algorithm for first round of interview. I did it in 5 lines with O(n) and it worked. was told that was not the correct answer sent me an answer with O(n^2) and about 40 lines. in anger, I sent a five page mathematical proof along with analysis why mine was better. surprisingly, they took me in for second round. tanked it because I continually stuttered and froze. I was able to answer it once I got home. decided against sending it.

Giving Windows PCs to developers that will be developing for Linux servers. ಠ_ಠ

Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
< This goes on for two weeks >
Me: can we please not use wrapper
Ops: we use it to manage ssh keys
Me: this is breaking basic ssh functionality
Ops: OK we are setting up a weird convoluted way so you can run your Ansible playbooks.
Me: ... < doing "it is at least something" dance >

Me: I need 4gb of RAM for the server
Ops: who told you that?
Me: it is a minimum recommended setting for the software stated on their website
Ops: at the moment you you are not even using that much RAM
Me: maybe because no one is doing anything on the server ಠ_ಠ

me: this installation needs swap space on server
ops: we don't do swap space on AWS
me: ಠ_ಠ OK, what other solution can you provide me?
ops: here, use this real (bare metal) server we have
me: will it have all the same access and installed packages I had used on the AWS server?
ops: no, you need to create tickets for that
me: ಠ_ಠ

me: can you help me debug this issue in our artifactory server?
ops: we don't manage that server. devs do
me: can I get access to manage that server?
ops: why would you need access??
me: to manage server ಠ_ಠ
ops: exactly what commands you will need?
me: ಠ_ಠ

me: I need to install Firefox for automates test
ops: no
me: need it to run tests PO wants tests
ops: you can't as it is a desktop app
me: I need it because our selenium tests depends on it
ops: Firefox needs 200 other packages can't install
me: can I use Docker? and docker'ise Firefox
ops: ... some silence...
me: please
ops: it will complicate things
me: ಠ_ಠ

a thing I heard from ops: installing this library update breaks how we manage updates. so let us not update. and use the old libraries that have security issues and don't work with code. we can not change our configuration management tool or update it either. because we have been using it for 15 years.

when operations team doesn't install nano because it is the wrong way to edit text ಠ_ಠ

I really wish ops communicated more with devs. As a dev I really hate throwing things over the wall. They must hate it too...