Made a github.io portfolio website. Showed it to my friend. Asshole copied the whole code from the repo and made one for himself. Didn't even bother to fork the repo or even change the contents of the website. Just removed my name and photo and added his! 😡😡

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Some Cable porn...

Elon Musk, great man with crazy ideas❤

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

I made a cool wallpaper for our designer :D

Ha, accurate.

Cable porn

suddenly while you introduce yourself to everyone..

Employer bans StackOverflow and Github but still wants me to develop stuff. Planning to quit.

Bad code 😂

@dfox please show if the username is available or not before submitting for change. I was just testing and look what I ended up with. 😭
#DevToBarista
#NeverTestInProduction

Xcode...

Kidding I hate that pile of crap :/

Anything with Jetbrains on the cover, IDEA, Android Studio, Clion. Can't imagine how I'd work if these IDEs weren't doing half the work for me.

When all you want is to be a game developer

Exam days
be like ...

Trying to figure out what I was drunk codeing last night....

tfw your Uni claims they support Linux but the proprietary software they supply to connect to their Internet only runs on Ubuntu.

installed my first .sh
today, netbeans/JDK8
tomorrow, the world

Me: So what you are doing in the IT field?
Him: I am hacking bank websites.
Me: OK, that's cool. It is good in free time. What is your actual job?
Him: I am seriously hacking the bank Web site!
Me: Trust me, if you seriously doing that you will never ever mentioned it...
Him: No, I am doing it legally... The bank hiring me to try to hack the website...
Me: OK, you mean that you are cyber security tester?
Him: That is almost the same...
Me: So you are tester?
Him: I am hacking bank's websites...
Me:....

How HR department reads your resume vs how a programmer reads your resume 😂

CodeIgniter or Laravel or Procedural PHP?

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"

This was at my previous and last internship. At previous ones i never got serious tasks so i was pretty used to that but one day my guider (lead backend programmer) called me over to help him out with a server issue (in all seriousness he said that i was probably the best Linux guy at that company at that moment). So i fixed it quickly and just out of curiousity i asked what kinda server it was and how many visitors it got monthly!

"it's a prod server and about one million at least i think"

I was just standing there for a minute and then asked why the hell he let me, an intern, work on that to which he replied: because you know what the fuck you're doing. I think I succeeded in hiding the tears of happiness that came up at that moment :) i fucking miss that place.

Superpower to answer how long project is going to be done. F*cking precisely!

"There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one errors." - Phil Karlton

@dfox I just double tapped a rant to ++ it and then, after I double tapped, I got this:

Seriously!

Our university syllabus is so outdated, we are forced to do C programs in TurboC.
So we install Dosbox on Windows 8 machines...
1 upvote = 1 prayer

!rant
Yesterday was my first day at my first internship as a naive rising uni soph. I brought my tiny 13 inch thinkpad thinking I was gonna code on that. Imagine my surprise as I walk in and HR brings me to a table with 4 monitors on it. l o l

I like it there.