Few years ago I was looking at legacy code that was developed by offshore team (what could go wrong,right) and I see small utility method that looks like this:

public boolean isEmptyNotEmpty(String s) {
boolean empty=false;
If(s==null) {
empty =true;
}
If(s.equals("")) {
empty = true;
}
return empty;
}

Thinking in myself: was he/she paid per line the line of code??!?!

Up to this date that was the worst part of the code that I encountered....

Dev: When will you finish testing it?
Offshore test lead: after some time
WTF is some time?

I’m on a screen share watching an offshore associate copy code from my email to the target script...

... by switching back and forth between windows and typing in the code...

Is COPY-PASTE a little to advanced for this team???

Story time.

Previous role.
Have a BA working and overseeing the team.
Development is an absolute shit show at the company.
Basically constantly focussed on putting out fires and reeling from the 100 WTF’s a minute thanks to the batshit code the yes-men offshore Indian devs had created.

I’m quite outspoken, and don’t just roll over when people are cunts to me.

I ended up in so many meetings about communication and tone, merely because I wasn’t putting up with the BA’s two-faced cuntery where he tried to be my friend but at the same time be an utter fucking jobsworth.

Genuinely, I really got so close to decking him a few times.

Pic related.

Spent 2 days refactoring code written by our "offshore team". I've done refactoring on the same code in the past, probably upto about a week in total of refactoring now. The code looked like it was written by someone who had literally just finished their first "Hello World" app - loads of code blocks copied and pasted instead of declaring reusable functions.
The whole thing should have been done by us in the first place.
And yet our money-conscious company wants to employ more of these developers. Cheaper than us? Sure. Quantity over quality though, but I guess money is all that matters to the big cheese

After I went on vacation, I came back to find that my offshore team had refactored a bunch of my code, tripling the size of it and grossly over-complicating the flow... ugh.

I’m on a screen share watching an offshore associate copy code from my email to the target script...

... by switching back and forth between windows and typing in the code...

Is COPY-PASTE a little too advanced for this team???

Having to review an offshore C++ codebase made in Romania that the company I worked for they bought to control a wifi module on a complex RF mobile tech device that I can't legally give more details on.

If I could legally post this masterpiece, or should I say masterpiece-of-shit, all of you C++ dev would instantly get AIDS and all the existing types of cancer upon browsing it for 2 minutes.

It's laughably bad and unmaintainable. One of my colleague called it "the perfect example of human obfuscation" and it fits perfectly.

Think of a 100k LoC main function with nested loops and ifs with random sleep values, 1000 values of hardcoded 32 bits arrays declared globally in the first 10k lines for unknown reasons. Comments in Romanian mixed with english. Somehow, this shit works by some miracle.

The worst intern you can think of, while being piss drunk, could do better and it's no joke.

Man, we have a snake in our company.

This snake is responsible for terrible code. They oversee a offshore team, but hold them to no coding practices. They don't do code reviews or checks. They let them be lazy and get away with sloppy work every time.

And if you critize their team - they will defend them and get angry at you. You can't adress the problem because said snake is always around. He's in a senior position for giving our company cheap workers, doing years of damage to our product while the non-code savvy managers remain blissfully unaware of their product being ruined in the background.

This snake is the senior product office. He has a share in the company now. He is from the overshore team's country. That team now has their claws so dug into our companies roots and are just pumping lsd's into it constantly. Feels good untill you die from an overdose.

Here I am, the new junior software developer, trying to tear out the claws that have sunk into these roots. Im up against the snake. The snake hates me. I hate the snake. I am trying to open the eyes of the managers. They hate that. They want to silence me so I don't expose the awful, unprofessional level of work they do.

Well, that's too bad. I won't back down from this, snake.

Friday night push to production before the bank holiday.

No good can come of this.

I sometimes forget to close the tab to my bank's website. I flip back to it, hours, or even days later. As soon as the tab becomes active the "You'll be logged out in 60 second" timer starts ticking. Literally, days after I logged in, I can click "Stay logged in" and it works!

Their session timeout logic is all fucking Javascript based!? Don't they log out the session server-side at some point? How the fuck is my session still valid 2 days after initial login?

Finally got access to repo in my new work place (bank). Now I'm considering keeping my money buried somewhere instead of using bank accounts...

Wasn't so much a question but...

Before WFH got so popular, I was interviewing at a place 50km from home, loyalty and stuff came up and the guy said something along the lines of "The only potential problem I can see is the distance. Now I get the sense you're quite a loyal person blah blah blah"

Half way into my third month they decided not to keep me after probation, after giving no negative feedback at any point prior to that then "we just need someone mors senior"

So yea, tune me about loyalty and then do that....

Also, if they needed senior why were they advirtising junior?

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0