I've never solved any LeetCode problems.
I've never gotten grades above 80% in my academics.
I've never taken an online course in anything.
I've never gotten any certifications other than my Master's degree.
I've never written a CV for a job application.

How the fuck did I manage to survive for 7 years in this industry?

The horrors persist, but so do I.

What is a choice?

Honestly I frankly do not care for your title, I care for what you've done and can do.

You may be "more qualified" in research, but if you have no idea how to write software, you're not qualified in software engineering, and frankly, you shouldn't be telling me how to write my code if you don't even understand the use case.

And then don't pretend you own it??????????? The fuck man. I'll sink you.

TL;DR: I hate how management doesn't listen to devs (even Dev managers).

We need to sort out our release process where I'm at. It takes a Dev about 2 solid days to complete and it's hideously involved and ripe for human error. They're completely out of action until it's done and it happens once a week!

It's stopping us releasing business critical bug fixes and features that need to go out. Instead the work just sits in develop for days doing fuck all.
Can't be agile if it takes so long to deliver value 🙃

Plus makes any fuck ups by our department look worse as it takes an age until it's fixed which reduces their collective trust in us and our opinions.
Making any improvements we want to make harder todo as they're harder to convince 🙃

Has anyone had any success getting automated releases?
How did you convince management to prioritise it?

I need to convince someone who has some influence in my company and ask how they got that influence

Hey Code-tards,

We're announcing a new update to our software `FUCK YOU` to include a new 'feature' no one asked and would give a FLYING FUCK about, but we were sitting on our MOTHERFUCKING ASSES and had to justify our salaries somehow.

So this new feature really just makes your life horrible by taking away or breaking all useful features you were PERFECTLY HAPPY with before, but FUCK YOU if you aren't happy with it and don't throw half of your salary our way every month.

Remember our library you were perfectly OK with, that u integrated in your codebase? DEPRECATED from this second onwards. WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU ! That's WHY.

Oh yeah, and one last thing before we make your life a living hellhole, give us your SSN, credit card(s) and mortgage payments to us, you money-hungry CUNT. Haven't you heard the phrase already? YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY.

To all the people who constantly complain about devRant not being good enough…

First off, who the fuck cares? I mean honestly, does anyone give a fuck? People have been saying for YEARS that they hate devrant and that it needs to change in whatever fucked up dev idea way that we all think the world should actually work. The real fun is how this platform evolves into different phases over time. The fun is interacting with devs anonymously talking about really anything. It doesn’t matter - as long as it’s interesting or entertaining it’s fine. Don’t fucking pretend that you are a goddamn professional elitist asshole bc we all know everyone here is weird and stupid.

There's this guy where I work who's one of the senior linux engineers. To me, he's like a linux god. He knows how to solve the most difficult problems and somehow copes with all the stress/workload. Next to that, he's only one year older than me!

Whenever I'm at work, I consider myself a junior, which I actually am. I also, as said earlier, see this senior guy as a fucking linux god and consider myself to be an absolute newbie around him but he is the most kind/friendly guy ever.

But then, today, something happened which made me feel like a god in front of him, a very, very weird feeling.

For him, doing his stuff is the most normal thing in the world while for me, it's still a learning process.

For me, programming is the most normal thing in the wold, while for him, it's still something he just knows the very basics of.

He asked me if I knew something about javascript/jquery. Said yes as I often program/script in javascript.

Explained me what he wanted to get done, it was a very simple thing for me but after hours of online searching, his lack of javascript knowledge still got him nowhere.

Told him I'd give him a working script in 30 minutes. Emailed it to him in 10.

He seemed/reacted the way I always do when he solves something I have no clue how to solve.

It was really weird to witness *him* being amazed of something that *I* made/did.

Today was a good day where I saw that one person's limitations can be anothers' most easy thing, even if that another person sees that one person as a god.

> "Just keep your battery charge between 25% and 75%, bro! It will slow the wearing of your non-replaceable battery!"

So you want me to artificially halve my useable battery capacity just so its actual capacity reduces slower?

That's the insanity with non-replaceable batteries.

A user-replaceable battery is almost like a battery that never dies. No effort wasted with tedious "battery care". No worries about weardown from high usage. Just enjoying using the device.

💥🦆 Unofficial devRant Clone Jam 2023 🦆💥

Retoor has a challenge hackathon for you. 🧑‍💻 Post here: https://kbin.melroy.org/m/drbboard/...

Pick your tech stack, announce it in your comment by the link above, and code your own DEVRANT CLONE in 8 hours. There is only a week for y'all, but don't overdo it and write the thing just in 8 hours. If you need more time, announce that too. Address to the post for all the rules.

Code competition start! 🏁

CEO: What are your plans for these hollidays?

Me: Clean up the house. I haven't had much time because we've had some busy last few months.

CEO: Seriously? Are you joking? (I could see in his eyes, "why would a talented programmer ever waste their time doing menial housework...") I mean, you could be working instead and earning a couple more bucks...

(Fuck him, none of his business...)
Me: I can't delay it this time. My wife has dust allergies.

CEO: Oh. Ok. I get it. When I was a kid, my father and I had some serious dust allergies. The house maid had to clean everything thoroughly at least once a week.

Not surprised...

Is machine learning not a concept we use any more, everything is called AI?
I did not get the memo about this.

Client: I need you to clean up the database and remove all rows [with children] with a timestamp older than 5 years

Team: OK

Team [internally]: we definitely need a dba for this
Me: dba? Why? A junior dev can do that
Team: yyeeaahh, but still.. A DBA would do it better. You know, foreign keys and everything

Me: ....

Question from a CTO/co-founder in an interview:
"So you've changed jobs every year or so and you were laid off a bunch of times. Do you think maybe it was because of your performance or the company choices you made?". You fucking privileged city dwelling gen-Xer. You got lucky with your startup until now. You sell recruiting software and that worked for a while when the market was booming but now that companies aren't hiring anymore you want to pivot and also make employee management and HR solutions. Guess what? Everybody else is also doing that.

You know what I mean

Fuck Confluence and anyone telling me to write anything there. From now on, documentations will be in the repo, written in Markdown

the windows devs have really outdone themselves this time

* get stuck on a problem
* being depressed
* post a question on stackoverflow
* the question get downvoted
* now I am sad and depressed

When my question gets upvotes on Stack Overflow but none answers it

Thanks for your help bro.

From my years at college employment:

A student brought in his personal printer to help desk, complaining that the printer is printing red streaks, when he only has black ink installed.

Opened up the printer, found a packet of ketchup stuck in there.

I love to help people, with the easiest possible solution 😍😍😍

How can I increase more my ++?

There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary and those who don't

I am Computer Science Student
Yesterday I asked question to my classmates, what is Linux,

here's some(non-forgettable) replays:

3- An App
2- A Soap
1- Game character

and most (suggest me..a word) :

0- Linux Crackers(Food)

and that guy sent me this..

legit question

Math: the imaginary unit is i.
Electrical engineering: no, it's j.
C hacker: hands off my loop variables!

"I don't need math!
I'll just make videogames when I grow up!"
[Myself as a child]

When you're thinking about your code when doing math homework, but then realize you're accidentally putting semicolons after each step.

5!=120
(Not missing brackets)