When your boss says "good job, you have developed something big in such a small time" (~2 weeks) but you haven't showed him the bugs and shit (gonna fix it btw)

Job interview..
Interviewer: gave me a question
Me: (took 40 mins to solve it)
Interviewer: Ok. 2nd question... Asks the ques..
Me: (relieved that 1st ques got over) Took some time 5 mins to come up with solution..
Interviewer: ok. 3rd question..
Me: ( feeling so happy that I solved 2 questions and reached the 3rd question)
Interviewer: Let's go back to first question and tell me a scenario that will fail in ur logic..( yes this is the 3rd question)
Me: Damnnn.. My heart stopped.. It took me 40 mins to figure out the logic that worked with different inputs I tried n now, I have to find some scenario that won't work...

When you keep getting +1s on a rant you posted a month ago.

While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.

She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".

She understood it as "can you shush?".

When learning a new language replace "Hello world" with "Hello darkness my old friend". Sounds more appropriate.

I: "Do you have the right version for your architecture?"
He: "What"
I: "Did you download the 64 bit or the 32 bit version?"
He: "I'm not sure but I think it was sth. between 40 and 50!"

"How does your live chat work?"

Please confirm the Captcha

Q: What is the most used language in programming?

A: Profanity.

Case closed, stop arguing!

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

Cable porn

—_😂_—

Using "else" instead of "otherwise" everywhere!! 😶

This was my birthday cake. Thanks mom!

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

suddenly while you introduce yourself to everyone..

Nice one!! 🤣🤣

I never finished highschool, let alone college and I earn more money than most of my friends and people I grew up with. I have a job that I actually love and I'm excited to go to work every day.

I get to work with smart, open-minded and motivated people every day.

My mind is sharp and alive and I never feel like I'm running out of new and interesting things to learn and explore.

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Try to click quickly on this button multiple times and the play store will crash. If you implement this sort button on your own app this will crash too. #google_guidelines 😡

$ rant --ridiculous

So today my beautiful and glorious presence was asked to a meeting, I was supposed to present the hosted platform for a project, well, the meeting took place in a building I had never been in so I got lost, when I arrived the design team were presenting a completely different design that what they had given me, which I had spend 10+ hours cleaning and organizing and integrating with the code, and during the whole time I was there I was never involved in the conversation, so basically I was pulled out of my coding liar for nothing oh and because who doesn't like a good ending ... I crashed on my way home after the meeting. Cool day huh?

The bugs have learned to hide

Source: /r/ProgrammerHumor

Went to an introductory session for the new version of the lousy CMS my organization uses and on the second slide of the presentation WRITTEN BY THE BIG BRITCHES OF THE IT DEPARTMENT they informed us that the CMS removes the necessity to learn languages for web programming like HTML, CSS, and Java. My first thought is "huh why would I need Java for... wait..." You could see the thoughts crossing my mind.
"Wait a minute... Who writes Java applets anymore? Java isn't.... but what if... no... they wouldn't..."
For the holy love of Bill, YOU ARE THE IT DEPARTMENT. Please don't tell me you misguided cactus-heads just mixed up JavaScript and Java on an official document you're using in presentations for everyone using the system? It hardly did anything to inspire overwhelming confidence. And even if it was handled by somebody whose entire job is to write PowerPoints for these things, who reviewed this thing? Dilbert's boss? And that wasnt even the only soul-scorching error. Sweet mother of Tux, people, I'm a student using your system, your professional presentations shouldn't make me cringe.

Product dev: We need a new volume slider for ou...

Dev: Say no more!

Best computer/hacking/tech TV and movies?

I'll start the list with some of my favorites.

1. Hackers
2. The Net
3. Jumpin Jack Flash
4. Antitrust
5. Swordfish
6. Wargames
7. Mr Robot

Anyone else?

Well played, Google assistant! well played!

Me if i was a game dev

How many can relate?

User:"It's not working"
Me:"Have you turned it off and on again?"
User:"Yes"
Me: goes down there, system uptime is 360days...
"How do you turn it off?"
User:"by pressing the button on the monitor