The best thing about being a developer:
- You can work from anywhere anytime.

The worst thing about being a developer:
- You can work from anywhere anytime.

I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY MURDER WHICHEVER SHITBRAINED INCOMPETENT MONKEY THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA TO RESPOND TO ANY AND ALL API ERRORS BY SENDING A RESPONSE WITH THE STATUS CODE 200 AND A BODY OF THE FUCKING STRING "error" AND NOTHING ELSE

WHY?!!?!?!??!

He: Hi Lexter, our client made a website on WIX.
Me: And he wants to remake the website due to SEO, shit code, design and all other aspects.
He: How do you know?
Me: Realy?

Parent: Your room is a mess
Me: You should see my code

*Flying slipper received*

Things I like about WFH
-save petrol and mileage
-work in underwear
-big TV during lunch
-time saved by no commute
-lie down during meetings

Things I dislike
-feel like my room has been invaded by work/miss the physical separation of work and home
-distractions and temptations
-they moved the stand up to ealier because of WFH
-Everything has to be a meeting. No just popping by someone's desk with a quick question

Sometimes I miss physically seeing my colleagues/getting out of the house but not often

IT Manager: What kind if attachment did you send me in that email?

Me: A .zip?

IT Manager: ...?

Me: A zip file? Zipped Folder?

IT Manger: ...?

Me: Umm... the data file you needed has to be sent in a zip folder because 6 different file types combine to make it? Just download the .zip and extract?

IT Manager: I don't know how to extract the files?

Me: ...

Two people banged 24 years ago. Now I have to go to meetings everyday

!rant, a success story.

I made a tool for a live streamer I like, for free. Something to find highlights in a VOD based on the chatlog.

It took me around 15h to make. It is a very simple electron app, the "valuable" code is ~70 lines.
I wasn't sure he would even bother to try it.

Anyways, I send it to him. 10 minutes later, the guy tells me that "this is amazing! You just saved me hours of derushing my streams ❤️"

That's great already, but it does not end there. A few minutes later he asks me "I know other streamers that would love it, can I share? And can I add you in our private discord?"

I have now a direct access to some of the best youtubers/streamers in my country 🤩.

Someone from the higher ups had received complaints that I don’t answer my phone enough.

My boss told them I wasn’t hired here to provide phone support.

Marketing: it's not working...

Me: *fixes bug and pushes changes in less than 5 mins*

Me: Well it's working for me

Marketing: strange... it wasn't working 5 minutes ago...

I love their faces of confusion haha

HR sent around updated contracts asking everyone to sign them since the company changed its name, fair enough.

In the contract it stated "Your normal place of work will be X" - only X was many miles away, and I'd never worked there, never planned too. Assumed it was a mistake, sent it back. HR refused to change it, stating that the "normal place of work does not need to be the place where you normally work."

A lot of back and forth entailed, I refused to sign, I was reprimanded for not doing so, I was asked what my problem was as it made no material difference, and then I eventually replied with:

"Angela, I'm refusing to sign this as it's factually incorrect. No further explanation is required. I'll maybe consider signing this if you sign a piece of paper declaring you believe the moon is made of cheese, and you're the cow the milk came from to make it."

A very strongly worded email came back about how this was going on my record, I needed to offer a formal apology, etc. - all cc'd to my manager. I replied back, again copying my manager in, stating that this was ok, as I couldn't remain at a company who forced employees to sign dodgy contracts anyway.

Problem was (for them), I was a *massive* single point of failure for them at this point owing to some others leaving with no handover - hence I knew I wasn't going to be the casualty here. My manager flipped the lid at HR, got the CEO involved on threat of *him* leaving, and the whole thing massively blew up. Happy ending in that the HR person in question was fired, everyone else's contracts also had to be redone (I assumed everyone else just signed without looking which is worrying), and I actually got a pay rise out of it when higher ups realised the massive single point of failure I was.

But damn, I would've walked over crap like that. Walked pretty soon after anyway!

Me: Optimize a sort & match method in backend because users complain it's a bit slow.

Coworker: These algorithms are both O(n), so they're identical *closes PR*

Me: *start zoom call* "Heeeeeeeeeey Iiiiiiiiiii wouuuuuuuld liiiiiiiiike toooooo diiiiiisscuuuuus thaaaaaaaat puuuuuuulllll reeeeeequuuueeest yooooouuuuu cloooooossseeeed"

Coworker: "wtf are you doing, why are you talking so slow"

Me: "No matter whether I talk fast or slow, the information still reaches you in O(n) time, so why are you complaining"

I fucking hate it when people misunderstand the purpose of (or abuse) big O notation. It's an estimate of how an algorithm SCALES once the set increases in size, in which case you leave out both less significant terms and constant factors.

But those terms and factors are important when you're talking about the DIRECT PERFORMANCE of the algorithm on fixed-size sets, instead of SCALING to larger sets.

1n and 10n are both O(n), but 10x performance on a job that used to take 10 minutes is still significant.

For IT-guys, LinkedIn is like a reverse dating platform. Girls text you and you ignore them.

First company I worked for, overall it was a good experience, but at one point they promoted a consultant to project manager, and their planning skills were about as good as their people skills, which is to say, appalling.

We had a project update for a huge client, that required, for political BS reasons, that most of the team spend several weeks on-site, 300km away from home.
Go-live was approaching, and the plan was: migration starts Friday night, shortly after midnight (so actually, Saturday) once the client’s IT confirms DB is backed up. Expected duration: 5 hours.

- So, you expect me to work from midnight to 5am on Saturday? And when do we start working on Friday?

- 9am, of course.

- 9am!? So you actually planned a 20 hour work day? (Note: legal maximum here is 10 hours in a day, 40 a week)

- And we have to be there on Saturday 1pm to recheck everything is running smooth.

wtaf were they thinking?

I've just wasted 2 hours fixing an issue with a GitLab CI YAML definition, all because of a single colon:

echo "Detected changes: compiling new locks"

I swear to god, whoever thought it is a good idea to use YAML for CI scripts should rot in hell.

Not again..

It has been every loooong time since I have visited our huge local forest with its small mountains. About 10 years actually.
It feels great!

Had to create this table tent because mfs just couldn't take a hint. I also have one for when I'm concentrating/deep in code zone.

Oh my god, PHP is so dead.. Node.js is totally kicking ass by powering 0.6% of the internet!

What IDIOT designed this up? And I see that’s common in most laptops these days!

Exams next week but I'm on a HP marathon ..

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Source : Reddit

Finally sharing my desk! The team is allowed to work in a dark room, the proper environment for developers.

Dev1 - hey we need to run some test to ensure delivery on our emails, how should we do it?

Dev2- I dunno, just put {RANDOMSTRING}@somedomain.com and send it. Dont bother to ask @Linux about it, it is a good idea

Dev1 - sounds like a great idea! I'll send a couple of thousands, ok?

--------- TODAY ---------

Me: Hey why are we on blacklist?

I prefer silent kills.

× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike

× reopen it every time it's closed

This is a story about the shitty client who managed to ruin everyone's day, consistently....

So this client, its our biggest revenue source (about 33% of total) and our boss is total wuss when talking to them because of that... Each meeting he has with them he ends up bending over nd just takes it all...

So after each meeting with those shit heads, it's always the same...

It's our fault for going over budget (them changing their mind like 10 times during a project over key issues has of course nothing to do with it, because hey, we're a flexible company and all we do is modular and extendable right?)

Its our fault for not meeting the deadline, because of course our boss keeps accepting last minute projects like there we're otherwise sitting on our thumbs

And than their fucking contact person... Biggest ass ever, always involving us in his own office politics... I'd throw him through the window

I met a skater who had a fork bomb on his skateboard

+ I’m an animator at Rockstar Games
- Wow what do you do
+ Don’t ask

Lol why not.