I just had my first "Microsoft you have a virus on your computer" scam call today and I managed to waste 29 minutes of their time, collect 4 numbers to report and call the guy and asshole in the end.

They have won my time and respect now, nice.

been a win user for all my career.
started a new job last monday,and had to switch to a mac.

damn, that shit fries my brain.
all the shortcuts, my brackets, everything is different.

!n case someone is unfamiliar with this joke ::

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

"I just got out, and all dad cares about is getting one of these... 🤔"

rant

ROFL! Question on Quora: "Is SAP Germany's revenge for losing WWII?" https://quora.com/Is-SAP-Germanys-r...

P.S. Nice and funny answers, too.
P.P.S. I can understand frustration. ;)

Achievement for me!
I fixed my code on the way to work via SSH using just my phone.

First Happy new year, now lets get put on the dancing shoes... (I have another one coming, but this one is fresh)

As a PHP developer (yeah I am and I like it, if you gonna hate on me... go fuck yourself) I expect to not be required to reinvent the wheel when I have to use something that is not too mainstream (in my case was producing JSON and XML HAL responses). Now there are 2 (fairly active and somewhat mature), one of which does not produce XML responses, so off I went with the other one, but for fucks sake it does not produce XML that is compliant with the (draft)RFC (https://tools.ietf.org/html/...)

So as I need that, I decided to write one myself, since extending the one that provided XML would've been a waste of time, since it is NOT documented and for some reason depends on about 4 packages (also developed by the same maintainer), why the whining you ask, eh? Well fuck this shit. It took me 2(+2 classes) to achieve everything (according to standard as far as I can tell) + went with using a "hydrator" as opposed to reflection (the lib used reflection and didn't care too much for the access modified on the property of the object being serialized) so got a pretty solid performance boost, cleaner and simple code (I wrote it for a few hours and it is ugly, but hey KISS and it works perfectly)...

So with the more ranty part of this rant... Why the fuck so many people don't write independant packages for the simple parts... I don't hate it when I need a package and end up downloading half of the codebase of symfony or whatever fancy framework the dev decided to use, wasn't it the point of having 'package managers' (composer, npm, etc.. you get the deal..) instead of promote our projects and not force others to use our favorite framework that is absolutely out of scope for their projects...

Fuck you, fuck me and fuck everybody... If this continues I will continue writing my own packages from scratch, because "you" asshole are too lazy to learn and apply SOLID and common sense; even if your life depends on it you cannot write a meaningful piece of code without "the fancy framework of the month" holding your hand and allowing you to continue being a dumbass that has enough brain cells to walk straight and remember that you have to go to the toilet and not shit all over the place....

FML.... Fuck this shit and that is the main reason my gears grind the most when I head "you should use *framework name* instead" or "don't reinvent the wheel", fuck that guy I refuse to work my ways around a framework in order to get things done, my boss aint happy for that shit you know, I don't get paid to deal with your crappy code or uninformed opinion..

New year

How can you tell if someone's a node.js coder?
Don't worry they'll tell you.

What do I dislike about node.js?
The fanboys.
Seriously you guys need to chill out. Your language is not the end of all other languages. It isn't going to replace PHP or Python or Ruby. It's not going to be the only thing around in 4 years.
I'm not a fan of JavaScript, I just don't like the language. I don't care about all the advantages and the other bs you're shouting about. If I want that feature I'm sure I can find a way to get it in my language.
Now shoo fly you're bothering me

Dear senior developer with xx years of development experience, please, I BEG OF YOU hear my humble unprofessional opinion.

Not every junior is a inexperienced low life.

Even though I'm glad that I'm working with someone of your wide skill set and expertise, I'm not working with you by choice nor it is my intention to distract or "steal" your knowledge.

When I suggested using a newer version of jQuery for this new project that didn't mean I'm challenging you to work on something new for your domain, I'm merely suggesting this change because jQuery 1.2 is just old and a big portion of it is deprecated.

When I suggest some changes on your CSS selectors that doesn't mean I'm acting out of place, it is my genuine interest of having effecient css where possible.

I know you (in your opinion) are the best full stack developer in the industry, but maaaan you kill me when you use js and regex to validate input type=email (table filp) ... Haalllloooo it's 2017 this Sunday aren't we supposed to progress instead of remaining in the same old same ?

RANT!!!

*On a date*
Girl: What's the most daring thing you've ever done ?
Me: Once I accidentally ran sudo rm -rf /*
Girl: That's hot !

Just looked at my emails for the first time since 23rd (self imposed blackout to get some rest) and found an email chain from a co-worker and a client.

At 5.30pm on Fri 23rd (half an hour after our usual quitting time) we got an email from a client who has taken 2 years to write content for their 10-page website, asking us if we could push the website live.

My colleague succinctly replied with "No. Best Regards, [name]" and then replied to just the company with a photo of him grinning and holding a beer.

Merry Christmas!

Command line forever

Me and my stress ball are starting to get quite ready for Christmas :/
Maybe after the holidays the smiley will be back?
Happy Holidays fellow ranters!

P.S. Don't code too much during your holidays

Despite having had the app installed for quite some time I finally decided to register so I don't have to see all the reposts. Joining the dark side was an added bonus 😈

There are an awful lot of rants slagging of operating systems. Could you please add a setting to hide OS wars?

The good code.

When they make me do some css

The most daunting thing about colonizing Mars is rewriting the Date class in Java.

Manager: The thing you working on. We need this now! Like end of the week.

Me: Desirability is not do-ability.

Manager: く( ・◇・)ヾ？

Me: I am still in the middle of figuring out how to do things in the first place, so there are some technologies to research and some problems I yet need to solve. I am in no state to just write down my solution. I don't even have enough information to even estimate how long it is going to take. I am getting there. And yes, I can rush things, but need I remind you that you want solid data as a result that actually means something? As this is *why* this whole project was started. We have some old project doing the exact same thing, but whose output we don't trust. I wonder how that came to be. Additionally, this whole project was on hold for months until I took over. So I neither understand nor accept this sudden sense of urgency. And by the way, you recently added manpower to this project. And adding manpower almost always decreases the productivity in the beginning due to on-boarding and communication overhead. Last Monday, I didn't write a single line of code due to that. So no, this week will not do, as I am also on vacation starting on Thursday that was requested and was approved by you at the beginning of the year. See you in January.

Space elevator.

HAHAHAH LMAO

So...
What about a DevRant meeting in Hanover, Germany? ^^

Anyone noticed that by doing two tap on a rant you upvote it, nice Instagram touch

Petition to officially rename the term 'build' to 'kraken', so QA can shout 'Release the Kraken' and I can shout back 'The Kraken has been released!'.

Designer: "And you know what we could do? We could make all the information be available anywhere the client wants. It's all in the cloud!"

PM: "Yeah! That's brilliant!" (High fives all around)

That's one day after a visit to a client saying they cannot rely on their internet connection.

Got to scratch of one of three remaining old (14years and counting) design mistakes this week.

Together with a colleague we replaced a 1.5 billion row table that I out of ignorance then designed with a 3 column composite primary key instead of an identity column.

Moving the data while keeping all synchronized (the table gets up towards 2 million new rows and 2 million updates a day while constantly being queried) took 1 week.

Just 2 skeletons left to clean out, any year now ;).

recently people have been worried about what people were going to say I.e "no hate" , don't hold back!

In devrant we only mean light hearted banter if we are pissed we don't want to hurt you we are pissed at a thing and not directly at you. Not that I speak for dfox or trogus but I'm sure that's what they are going for, and it's what ive seen!

We are nice here... This isn't YouTube , it's a credit to devs we are nice people. Hell it isn't stack overflow!

Also I'm brutally honest at times but I love you really.

Every time I type "pubic" instead of "public"

Just one more video...