Manager: Hey, how are things with everything thats been going on? Hows the mood?

Me:

call me weird, but I love thunderstorms

Because life is beautiful.

Implementing a duration timer in my bright and shiny exercise application. Testing it and I was sure that one second after 7159 it should print out "02:00:00" (since 7200 seconds is 2 hours).
Didn't understand why it took the timer to show 2 hours after 41 seconds instead of just 1 second..

Interviewer: So how long did you work at your last job?

Man: 30 years

Interviewer: and how old are you?

Man: 22 years

Interviewer: you're 22 and you have 30 years of experience that's not possible

Man: and you are looking for a junior dev with 5 years of experience

Story time!

This is “Güero” (Blondie), the only cat I know who can use a computer.

I was at university. I couldn’t take my laptop to class because it was too huge, so I had to use remote connection.

One day, I connected to my laptop from the library, and everything was ok except that I couldn’t move the mouse! 😱 It was like somebody on the other side was using the mousepad. There was nobody in my house, just Blondie.

My solution? I called to my house. The cat heard the ring and left my laptop. It sounds stupid but, believe it or not, it worked! 😂

Blondie, the informatic cat.

So a client wanted me to work on a 6 month project for just 300$. Some people really need to learn the value of time and effort

Got 2 interviews incoming :)

Testing in production doesn't hurt.

IT
FUCKING
KILLS

Just ask Boeing.

First tatto things 😂

now we know

Sales employee Bob wants a clickable blue button.

Bob tells product owner Karen about his unstoppable desire for clickable blue buttons.

Karen assigns points for potential and impact (how much does a blue button improve Bob's life, how many people like Bob desire blue buttons)

Karen asks the button team how hard it is to build a button. The button team compares the request to a reference button they've built before, and gives an ease score, with higher score being easier (inverse of scrum points).

These three scores are combined to give a priority score. The global buttonbacklog is sorted by priority.

Once every two weeks (a "sprint") the button team convenes, uses the ease scores to assign scrum points. Difficult tasks are broken up into smaller tasks, because there is a scrum point upper limit. They use the average of the last 5 sprints to calculate each developer's "velocity".

The sprint is filled with tasks, from the top of the global button backlog, up to the team's capacity as determined by velocity. Approximate due dates are assigned, Bob is a happy Bob.

What if boss Peter runs into the office screaming "OUR IMPORTANT CLIENT WANTS A FUCKING PINK BUTTON WHICH MAKES HEARTS APPEAR"?

Devs tell boss to shut the fuck up and talk to Karen. Karen has a carefully curated list of button building tasks sorted by priority, can sedate boss with valium so he calms the fuck down until he can make a case for the impact and potential of his pink button.

Karen might agree that Peter's pink button gets a higher priority than Bob's blue button.

But devs are nocturnal creatures, easily disturbed when approached by humans, their natural rhythms thrown out of balance.

So the sprint is "locked", and Peter's pink button appears at the top of the global backlog, from where it flows into the next sprint.

On rare occasions a sprint is broken open, for example when Karen realizes that all of the end users will commit suicide if they don't have a pink heart-spawning button.

In such an event, Peter must make Bob happy (because Bob is crying that his blue button is delayed). And Peter must make the button team of devs happy.

This usually leads to a ritual involving chocolate or even hardware gift certificates to restore balance to the dev ecosystem.

*drops the truth bomb*

Alright, you win. I have to admit.

I like docker.

Just got Caffiene/energy drink vapes and they work like a charm within like five minutes. Productivity 💯 sleep 0

"I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. " - Dorothy Parker

It took me an entire hour to figure out why my https gave me a Connection Refused error in my browser. Apparently I had configured port 433 to be published instead of 443, another hour wasted.

Stayed up late enough last night that the cat decided to go to bed without me. 😭

How is your Monday mood?
That I am

First day of internship today ! Wish me luck

This made my day

100%

Sad day when you find out you work for a company who cares more about a working product than a good product.

They said a "t2.medium DB Instance" was enough for three production systems...

Today I met a girl who’s super cute, down to earth, smart, uses no social media, and games. I would normally wake up soon after such dreams, but this actually happened today. I asked her out before it was too late 😊

I eat food. And I cook food. Believe it or not, cooking is very similar to coding. Things you do at the very beginning haunt you till the very end. Also, premature optimization is the root of all evil (in both domains).

I like to fold origami mostly following instructions from youtube-videos. It really helps to calm down and relax and it's a great feeling being able to fold figures without instructions after a couple of times.

Here's the little Yoda I've made as a christmas present

wrote shitload of clean architecture beautiful code and compiled successfully on the first try without crashes or errors

Incognito...

From /r/programmerhumor