We might all moan about the misses from time to time, but careful what you wish for...

Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more

Ranted about that porn work prank.

Forgot a joke the senior linux engineer pulled with me.

I came back from the toilet and sat down. Logged in. Cursor was on the left screen. Looked away and then back. Cursor was on the right screen.

*wait what? hmm must be my memory.*
*looks away and turns back*
*wait did that cursor just move.....?*
*damn what's up with me...?!?*
*turns around and looks back VERY quickly*
*cursor moves all over the screen*

*looks at front usb inputs*
*notices a wireless receiver*

*laughing from the corner where the senior linux engineer is sitting*

MOTHERFUCKER.

So I learned something today. Always disable guest sessions in your Linux machine in a work environment.

Walked away from my pc to talk to a fellow Linux engineer.

Came back to a screen with pornhub and porn playing.

"wait how the hell? I locked my pc...?!?"

"ever heard of guest sessions mate? 😆"

😓

*silently disables guest sessions*

Well okay learned that one the hard way 😅

Another funny Linux encounter from my study that I suddenly remembered.

This guy said he didn't want to work with things/services that use Linux because he wanted to support software devs by buying software. I get the idea but yah...

Linux teacher: well then why don't you start with disconnecting from the WiFi. After that drop services like fb and WhatsApp which you use a lot. Also, good luck in the dev world as you're mooost probably going to encounter Linux and for being able to finish this study you'll need to succeed on Linux classes as well!

He just sat there like 'help'. A lot of fellow students were giggling as well.

Really though, my Linux teacher was an awesome young guy!

Finding a girlfriend

Fuck those people here who unnecessarily brag about their skills while ranting.

E.g. I know 10 web frameworks but fuck my colleague who asked me to take shower once in a while. Tears would roll down jesus' cheeks if he looks at my well crafted code but you are more concerned about maggots in my hair, you incompetent fuck.

The aCalendar app let's you choose vibration pattern, it's one of the better settings I've seen.

The code I'm working on is such a mess that I decided to print it, and rewrite it from scratch 😂

Most amazing game i ever played
https://alexnisnevich.github.io/unt...

Other suggestions please.

I freelanced for a startup one time, and found out they had ten of thousands of records stored in their DB about dental patients, inducing name, address, social security #, some medical history, etc. All in plain text. Worst part is they hired me after a 20 min phone call, and didn't even sign a NDA!

Makes me paranoid to use the Internet knowing what some of these companies do.

About to start my real first Java project to learn the language in-depth: a virtual ATM featuring a GUI and a networking system for the transmission of banking data to and from a server. Since I particularly care about security this will surely help me get a better understanding of everything involved. Wish me luck.

Client: "I need you to implement a feature which does x"
Me: "We can it do like this, I can do it in Y hours."
Client: "Perfect do it"

Me: "Here you go have a look and if you give your ok I'll implement it on production."
Client:"That is not what I need. I need Z"
Me: "Well then you should have said Z and not x. But I can do Z if you want me to."
Client:"Do it it is urgent!!!!111"

Me: "All done here you go."
Client: "That works like what I said what I need, but I meant more like xZ."
Me: "Ok, you know I have to charge you for all this, do you?"
Client: "What why? It isn't the feature I wanted!!11 Do it right and I'll pay you for the right one!"

Me: "It might not be what you wanted but it is exactly what you specified to me. I'll send you the bill and will not continue working for you. Good luck finding someone who is willing to do unpaid work for you."

I am so done with that kind of client.

Another episode in the search of a job and it involves recruiters again

Last week tuesday:

> d69: 'Hi this is derpina69 from someFancyShmancyCompany, we got a position for you that might be interesting for you, here is the job description, would you be willing to meet us?'

> Me: 'Well it seems interesting enough, how about we set up a videocall meeting since this is a informative meeting, once ypur end customer is interested in my profile, i am willing to come over'

> d69: 'sure, i'll get back to you to alert attendees for this meeting, i'll get right on it'

Days go by without any word nor even an ical...

Two days ago:

> me: ' hello, pinging you again for a sitrep on the meeting, would like to hear from you and your attendees, wkr: neatnerdprime'

Nothing, until today.

> d69: 'hi sorry for the late reply, we really would like you to come ovzr because we don't like videocalls, are you available on these dates?'

MOTHERFUCKING SHITFACED CALF, YOU REALLY NEEDED TO HAVE MORE THEN A WEEK TO FIGURE THAT OUT, GODDAMN EVEN A TODDLER CAN BE QUICKER IN A RESPONSE ON WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD LIKE!

> me: ' sure, lets pick this date, hope you hace coffee ready'

> d69: 'we don't serve coffee for first meetings'

Mfw.webm

What the actual fuck!?!?
You're going to be classified down to my shit tier opportunities, and you better buy some goddamn coffee. All-dieties-be-damned!

I put a lot of work into trying to explain to you muggles what I do all day in a way you can understand (it's hard, trust me) and you still reject it as boring nerd crap. I'm sick of it! What if you told me working at that restaurant is "putting water on plates, wiping it off, and putting meat and cheese between slices of bread" and I said "wtf is that, and who cares?" Wouldn't that hurt your feelings, that I didn't even attempt to make a connection with you, friend? That I didn't even attempt to step outside my experience to meet yours? Isn't it equally insulting how far you have to dumb it down, just for me to lose interest entirely? And yes, I know that's not your specific task. That only proves my point further.

And why, exactly? Conceptually, you handle pre-digested poop all day.
_I teach plastic to think._ Sometimes it even thinks better than you do.
How is my job less interesting?
And what's more, why does EVERYONE seem to think so?

How do you expect people like me to keep your iPhones, bank accounts, and self-driving cars working if you alienate us like an alternate species for building those things? I mean really. You people treat us with a disinterest harmonious with homophobia. "Don't ask, don't tell." Except you do ask. And then you condescend as if working with my brain makes me less worthy of your attention than your exciting minimum-wage restaurant job.

Have fun with that, by the way.

Oh, and you're welcome for <object I fixed that wasn't really broken>. Maybe next time, just google it.
I know you won't.

Best way to avoid procrastination : We tend to avoid commitments or to do large tasks as even visualizing them seems tiring and the longer it takes, the vulnerable we are to distractions

So I use this simple trick
I break my task into numerous sub tasks. For example if I need to finish a feature before day end, I would first list down all the cases I can think of in order and write them down using actual pen and paper.
I then start implementing them step by step.
I mark them checked once done.
It gives me a sense of achievement as I see those checks besides the sub tasks and I can also take breaks between steps.

So all it takes is just first five minutes of planning.
I had to do the above procedure, for this post as well.
Hope it helps fellow developers
:)

Been quite some time since I have last worked with PHP, but it is that time again.

New project, demanded that PHP being used.

*clicks knuckles

This happened in my first internship I was working for a small company. They had a knack of redefining policies at short notices.

The had this shitty time tracking site which was hosted internally.

We were working on client location for 25/30 days so we didn't have access to the time tracking site. And there comes a memo that everybody has to fill the time tracking or their salary will not be credited.

So when we reach office we hear this "News". We thought they would consider people on client location. But then on salary day we don't get any and are called into VP's office for a verbal lashing. We literally had to fight for two weeks for the salary.

Worst Experience Ever

I've been fairly lucky with my bosses of late since I've progressed in my programming career. But my absolute worst boss was when I first started working in an office environment doing data entry. My boss at the time was terrible, and she was always against innovation or process improvement. She also always tried to make herself look good and taking credit for the accomplishments of others. If she screwed up it was your fault, and she was "always buried in email" so she could never respond to you for pto requests, or escalation of issues between departments. My whole family pretty much worked in various roles in the department and she fired my brother after my mother left the company for no reason, saying he was "sleeping", but I worked right next to him and he's tall and had to slouch just to comfortable see his computer screen since the same manager refused to approve work station improvements for him.

Our workflow was to receive daily spreadsheets of health care claims that we had to manually process and enter into the system. So being the lazy innovator that I am, and trying to find ways I can efficiently work, I delved into studying visual basic and programmed a few functions and tools in excel to analyze, highlight, and process some of the data since the claims on the spreadsheets always had a specific pattern. This was all before I had any formal education in computer science so the program was very basic and clunky but it tripled my efficiency. When I brought it up to my boss to spread it among the rest of our team so they could use it after a short 20 minute training, she struck it down saying any training or use of it would be a waste of resources since it was too technical and complex to be used and if I were to keep improving it or use it I would be fired. It was literally copy and paste from one spreadsheet to the other en masse and clicking a button to sort and fill in the blanks. Eventually I showed it to the director of the department when working on a large data entry project with her, and I was later offered a job as a technical analyst where I was responsible for the codebase that generated the reports for the department and specifically all the reports my old boss used where I would occasionally mess with her to get back at all the crap she gave me and my brother. Since all the reports were blind carbon copied to everyone, I would send out her reports on a delay while everyone else got them on time. It eventually got her in so much crap she had to step down as a manager. She still works in the same company that I started working at again earlier this year, and like the many careers she's ruined she eventually ruined her own within the company 😂

Happens

I've been secretly adding easter eggs into all my html5 creatives 💀

This is why my bro is my bro.

I'm in shit with money and rent, so my mate gave me £10 for food and offered me a desktop (I had to sell my laptop) so I can make a bit more money doing software development.

Humanity may be an overall pile of steaming dog cum, but there are some great people in the world

Ever had that meeting where it's expected that you will solve cold fusion, catch rainbows and violate the laws of thermodynamics? Just because you are an expert in your field?

Also beautifully demonstrated here:
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg

When you try to explain how "git pull branch" works to an intern...

Today it's Monday. So it's already a shitty day before it starts.
Have a good shitty Monday guys. 👌

Fuckin Internet explorer

Legend say you can drive it on any platform... Air, water, road

Hahaha 😂😂

Keep your rubber friend away from high temperature :(

//not mine

Always remember to update your resume -before- you need it.