Thanks Stackoverflow, for saving my day !!!

Windows 10: can i install an update in 2 mins?

Me: can u not fking see that i have a million programs opened and im doing important shit rn

Windows 10: ok boss

2 minutes later

Automatic restart

Testing in production doesn't hurt.

IT
FUCKING
KILLS

Just ask Boeing.

My life in a nutshell.

I've been stuck in this timeless loop for 10 years, anyone that relates?

1. Set alarm before going to bed.
2. Alarm rings, I turn it off.
3. Wakes up late.
4. Work from 08 AM to 4 PM.
5. Take the train back home
6. Plan what to do for the rest of the day.
7. Come home, do everything except what was initially planned.
8. Watching time goes by while doing non-productive things.
9. I feel alone, watch porn to fill this void.
10. I get depressed and unhappy afterward
11. Set the alarm for the next day.
12. Repeat.

While coding ....

Yell globally

Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

How do people drink coffe black? It feels like my gut will stage a mutiny on me.

1 . Seen it
2 . Mind blown
3 . Why i didn't thought of that
I loveee the ideea

Never underestimate engineers XD

This passes all unit tests

JS is love indeed

At work, everytime someone finds a piece of code (their own or someone else's) that couldn't possibly have ever worked, we draw a line. Obviously preceded by finding out who wrote said code.

Comprehensive HTTP Status Codes 😂

f**ing with apple

      

Similarities between this spider and me:
- We both are web developers
- We both live in same room
- We both try to find bugs everyday

+ I’m an animator at Rockstar Games
- Wow what do you do
+ Don’t ask

"This is not an application: it's a bug pretending to be an application." (This comment was left as an app review on Google Play Store)

What the ...😂

I don't even know what to say (I apologize if this is a dupe)

Too true hahaha

Every now and then... try this.

Those LAN port splitter are getting out hand

Bored programmer

This is so mean

Hope I'm not late with this one.

There are two kinds of people in this world

I wish I could be this creative

Me after 13 hours of coding yesterday...

I think it's time to stop and go to sleep....