What if God is actually an average developer working for a company which creates worlds and at first it all ran fine but then the support period expired and wasn't renewed and now shit's hitting the fan and nobody gives a fuck.

Poetry at work!
Thats a good usage of a whiteboard 😁

Say hello to my new toys 😀😀😀

Always

Ranted about that porn work prank.

Forgot a joke the senior linux engineer pulled with me.

I came back from the toilet and sat down. Logged in. Cursor was on the left screen. Looked away and then back. Cursor was on the right screen.

*wait what? hmm must be my memory.*
*looks away and turns back*
*wait did that cursor just move.....?*
*damn what's up with me...?!?*
*turns around and looks back VERY quickly*
*cursor moves all over the screen*

*looks at front usb inputs*
*notices a wireless receiver*

*laughing from the corner where the senior linux engineer is sitting*

MOTHERFUCKER.

Meeting with smooth suit guy:

"So, our company has pivoted"

I hate everything about this guy, not having slept well at all, I fucking snapped:

"Pivoted? Oh wow, what a wonderfully refined word to describe that your asinine business model smacked flat into the mud, that your obtuse bubble of vague ideas popped and your childish dreams of piles of undeserved gold got caught up by the hard reality that your product does not add any tangible value -- yet you tricked your sheepish retarded investors once again to fall for a new hype-filled pitch deck? Congratulations. At least you probably snort enough coke to keep believing in yourself..."

The guy nervously wiped his nose, stuttered, and walked off looking angry and a little confused.

So it turns out, my boss is apparently the major "sheepish retarded investor" in this company.

Today I got a mail from him. I expected fire and fury, nuclear ICBMs crashing into my desk.

"Thanks for your feedback, this is why I invite you to meetings. Could you take a look at their new pitch slides and preliminary API docs for me?"

Victory!

Today I finally closed a 'Nessy' bug (A scary bug you can't reproduce typically only sighted by one person). Below is my response...

"There were no errors in the error logs because writing to the error log was causing the error."

I personally hate those words 😑😚😎

Getting paid for my work.

Just because I'm a student, people assume I'll do everything for free and "exposure", while they make money off of my code

Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop Getting stuck in a while loop
Getting stuck in a...[read more]

Your mama's so fat she can't save files bigger than 4GB

I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode

Hahaha.. this is awesome 😂😂

Found in a reddit thread
:'(

"False Positive" and "False Negative" errors

Hi fellow devs!

As a developer it is a crucial to be productive. Obviously the most effecient way is to get in the flow.
What is your rituale to reach this state?

One of the many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn!

Boss: I need to demo our product but it looks smaller on my laptop.
Me: That is because you have a 1920x1080 monitor and your laptop is 1280x800
Boss: Is that something you can fix?
Me: No you will need a new laptop, but the company has a sales laptop with that resolution.
Boss: No just get the company credit card and buy me one today!
*Bosses son hears*
Bosses Son: Here take the sales laptop
Boss: Will that be quick enough
Bosses Son: It has a 8 core i7 Processor, 16GB ram and a dedicated GPU
Boss: *looks at me confused*
Me: Your demoing a web browser, that will be more then ok. But were using chrome so 16GB of ram will be pushing it.
*me and bosses son laughs*
Boss: Can we upgrade it?

Unfortunately it's true!!!

Meditation

Do you too - struggle sometimes to get it off?

When your device touch Screen is not working 😎

Excellent Database table design...

To understand what recursion is, you must first understand what recursion is.

These posters are the greatest truths😂

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.

OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.

Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.

OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.

I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?