HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate - I was in jail.

HR - Why?
Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : "We'll call you back".

HR :- Welcome on board, You have the Job.

Ok so our director decided to try out google work space
Plugs in our organizations domain and emails etc
trial then expires
we now cant access our emails
cant login
cant do shit

How do you pronounce SQL?

1 s q l
2 sequel
3 squirrel

Fucking airstrike alert this morning in my federal state.
Yote me out of bed yelling "The russians are coming!"
Turns out it was planned but what the fuck, the closest siren is like 100 metres from my window.

My pull request

JS is too funny 😂

Me always...

New Ranger

Boss: Hey funny guy, It's your First Work anniversary. Congratulations and now share your thought on completing a year with us.

Me: Thanks Lady, All I wanted to say is Life was good and then I joined this project.

Boss: Told you, Funny guy. Now get back to work and I want those fixes by EOD.

Me: 😑

LOL this was actually a true story, it seems she had to delete her twitter account and make a new one! 😂😂😂

Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

"I will let you have five minutes of your life back"

Everyone in the meeting:

People add you to a meeting 5 minutes before a call and then everyone expects you to answer question🥲😅

Web dev...

I used to be a developer, long time ago I decided to start a whole different page in my life but it brought me back to web dev.

the reason I gave up on programming in general is simple, it started to transform into an abomination of some kind.

an example would be this massive amalgamation of frameworks, "packages", package managers and so on.

Frameworks, all do the same thing in a the most terrible way it could possibly do it. DI containers with massive constructors... constructing objects where you won't even need them.

Package managers with uncontrolled flow of shitcode that people blindly embed in to their software and call it a day!

Most of the products I came across while searching for a solution were just as bad as I would make it, I understand, today we need software solutions by "yestarday", and basically it is one of the reasons I had to do it all my self and jump back in to this hell. But cant we do a bit better ?

Apparently, the phrase ‘good looks sell’ applies to fashion AND software.

I knew this guy was pure evil.
Deployment on friday night !
And that too before Christmas.
Thank god Santa doesnt use Tesla

why not? 🤔

Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?

Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.

Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.

Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.

Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!

Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.

Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.

Dev: …

Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?

*Manager leaves the meeting*

// *****************************

Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.

I'm lower than a junior dev

when you realize your best friend is actually the person who has been roasting you on discord the last 3 years

"yeah I'm a programmer"
"Great! Can you fix my laptop?"

The confusion on the first day at work, seems pretty normal. :)

Title.

Invested on this mic for my youtube videos

How’s this for a horror story? Adding a new feature to a 6,000 line and 100% undocumented stored procedure in a 20+ year old Oracle database.

Adding a feature to 18 000 undocumented lines of code, written in PL/SQL. Oh, did I mention it was just a single function?

18000 duplicate lines that were manually copy pasted by the previous programmer.

I replaced them with a for loop.

I don’t think it was that hard…

$ git commit -suicide

A perfect date for a Programmer !!

So for last few days my internet is super slow. Tried calling ISP helpline but they suck too. I have no other way than to change my ISP which would take few days.
Any suggestion for what should i work on during these boring days with no learning resources on my disk and super slow internet. Seems like i'm living in a cave.