Best comment of the day! Found on one of our clients code. (eCommerce)

// If you are full time then please don't refactor this code.
// if you are consultant then charge triple!

when there's full-on nulear war in the kitchen between team vim and team emacs, and you're at your desk using sublime text and actually getting shit done.

Basically me everytime I want to code something

12pm : "I found a bug!" - "ok I'll fix it"

5pm : "I found a bug!" - "call pest control"

Me: so where do I change this variable?
Ex-developer: I have no idea
Me: okayyyyy... So where did you get this codebase?
Ex-developer: I created it
Me: and you don't know how to change this variable?
Ex-developer: honestly mate, I was pretty high at the time
Me: *hangs up phone*

Knock knock.
Race condition.
Who's there?

My attitude isn't bad. It's in beta.

#random

when someone asks how to connect to a Linux server

My reaction when GIFs came out on devRant update

👦🏻 : Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
👧🏻 : No 🤔
👦🏻 : Inheritance

When your PM is gone for two weeks and you had no idea until the day they left 😂

WTFs/minute

To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.

   Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

When the junior dev puts 4 Monster energy drinks in the freezer because he "thought it was turned off".

Thanks for the awesome shirt and desk swag! Loving it!

when reviewing each other's code and sql queries is the most romantic way you can think of to spend the evening

Dear Client,

Mentioning "Dear Friend" in email won't make your bug as top priority.

Seriously,
Developer

When that guy *always* starts trying to aggressively optimize his code right after writing it. It really is the root of all evil. DK

Doing a project with someone and find out that they don't know how to use GIT. He copied the file he worked on, put it somewhere else (using the Github uploader) and wanted me to merge it with the original.

When people ask me to left justify text... NO!!! It's left ALIGN, right ALIGN, or justify. Stop it.

- Have you heard of the object oriented way to get wealthy?
- No...
- "Inheritance"

Spending more time grooming a user story than it will take to implement.