Nice try

When you find a tool / service online, go to the pricing page and it has a "get a quote now" button.

You can already tell its a massive rip off, but they feel the need to explain to you why.

Debian is installing itself in Florida

Finding a job without asking.

It finally happened. Upper management is demanding a historical (7+ years) of lines-of-code analysis of our entire code base. They want to justify our positions by validating that the lines-of-code has increased in accordance with the economy. I am not kidding. For every year, they expect some percent increase in our lines of code.

I've forgot root password to open this one...Seems no soda for me today

Who wants one?

"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"

- ex gf 2011

"I'm proud you do something you love"

- wife 2016

My five-year-old daughter asked me to program her Android tablet today.

Daughter: Daddy, can you make my tablet do something?

Me: What do you want to make it do?

Daughter: I want it to get games for me. I want it to pick games I like and get the different games so I can play them after I get home from school.

My daughter asked me to implement:

1. At the least, a predictive algorithm to choose new games for her based on her likes and dislikes.

2. At the most, an adaptive artificial intelligence that will learn what games she likes to play.

Current specifications are unclear. Need revision.

Was at a user group meeting today and somebody mispelled "programming languages"

He said: "problemming languages"

I died

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

And then there is this beauty...

I think this should happen when people get over 9000++

The struggle is real.

My boss asked me to do estimates for some tasks.

I did it.

He told me that was too much time.

I told him that those were the estimates taking into account the experience of the team.

He told me the estimates were independent of that.

I asked if an estimate, for the same tasks, for a team of interns should be the same as for a team of seniors.

"Of course they are the same!"

Funny thing is that he even says he supports scrum...

This is Epic...

*on the terminal cd-ing through my directory*

friend who's not a brogrammer: woah that's cool! Are you hacking your computer??!

hope this isnt a repeat. have a great weekend guys!!!!!

Thats what i saw on a wall in New Delhi, India... Lol

Pun of the day

Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment

When you get a little confused

give the Man a computer

stop the wizard!

Bugs in real life 😁

using my local provider

Welcome to the new world. Microsoft is now the top open source contributor on Github.

Years ago I was an application developer at a medium sized corporation and was also responsible for support for an HR department. This occurred early one morning shortly after I arrived at work.

User: My app doesn't work.
Me: What's wrong with it?
User: I just get a blank screen.
Me: A blank screen? What happens when you hit a key?
User: Nothing.
Me: Do any apps work?
User: No, I just get a blank screen.
Me: Is your monitor on?
User: Yes, I turned it on.

This type of witty banter went on for several minutes when the answer suddenly hit me.

Me: Is your computer turned on?
User: Do I need to turn it on?
Me: Did you turn it off before you went home last night?
User: Yes.
Me: And do you normally turn it on in the morning when you come in?
User: Yes.
Me: Then why didn't you turn it on this morning when you came in?
User: I didn't know I needed to.

It was at this point I heard the programmer over the cubicle wall from me burst out laughing. He had been listening to the conversation and couldn't take it anymore.

The really sad part is that this was not an isolated incident. This kind of stuff occurred on a semi-regular basis with this individual's department.

W...w...wha...whaaat?!

Too many people expect me to work for free lately...

what people think when I say I program in COBOL..