Tech lead in standup 🐤

Crazy story ...
And it have happened in my company actually

I am currently under a desperate crunch at work, trying to get things wrapped up before my honeymoon.

Of course, this is when My Greatest User decides he will come to my office no fewer than five times today. Not once was it for an actual, legitimate issue that he had not created himself. Here were the top three for today:

#3
MGU: "The scroll wheel on my mouse isn't working. I used to be able to scroll stuff with it but now I can't."
ME: *Looks at his mouse. All looks well.*
ME: "Show me what you're trying to do."
MGU: "I'm trying to scroll this Word document. See? It won't scroll!"
ME: ..."That's because there is nothing to scroll... The entire document is on your screen..."

#2
MGU: "I can't move my mouse off the edge of my screen! I used to be able to move it from my monitor to my laptop screen and I can't do it anymore!"
ME: "Did you move your laptop?"
MGU: "Yeah I moved it to the other side of the monitor. That shouldn't make a difference, should it?"

#1
MGU: "You know the DOS commands?"
ME: *Does a triple take.* ... ... "Huh?"
MGU: "The DOS commands. You know how you can use DOS commands to make the computer do stuff. Like Ctrl+M."
ME: "Ah. You're talking about keyboard shortcuts."
MGU (ignoring me): *Goes on a long, confusing explanation of something he's trying to do in Outlook and wants to know a keyboard shortcut for instead of clicking.*
ME: "I don't know what the shortcut for that would be and honestly I don't have time to look right now. I really need to keep working on this project."
MGU: "You don't know?"
ME: "Nope."
MGU: "Oh... I'd have thought that with being a programmer you'd have gotten into the DOS commands."

I have never been so tempted to quit.

I've missed you all.

coding elves...

The next person that says “top priority” gets their fucking tongue cut out

From Nathan W. Pyle's insta page.

Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!

Dev: ...

Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?

Dev: ...

Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!

Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

My bosses, bosses, boss asked to call me up unexpectedly:
BBBoss:" Just wanted to say we are really happy with your performance, especially in these tough circumstances, ... "
Me thinking: "Ah, great I am getting laid off."
BBBoss: " ... which is why we decided to give you and extra 1000$ in you next paycheck."
Me: "??? ... for real."
BBBoss: "yes, thank you for your hard work."
Me: "I am still employed?"
BBBoss (laughs) :"Yes, we are happy to have you."

Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.

Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.

Ah yes. Fuck you

just saw my first grey hair on my birthday

Work life balance. Ever heard of it?

Perfect job? Does it even exist?

We do a job because it's something others consider tedious or difficult or time consuming.

So my perfect job would be one that feels like a hobby every day and pays very well.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

SteamOS 3.0, which will be running on the Steamdeck is based on Arch Linux.

On one hand I'm looking forward what it means for gaming, but on the other hand I'm scared that the sentence "I'm using Arch btw." will lose some power

"All tasks are on the highest priority".
If all tasks are on priority, nothing is on priority.

Visual studio
VS code
Sublime
😋

Presenting to you, a gate of gates!

HR Bull crap

OMG. Talking about NTFS in this rant :

https://devrant.com/rants/4449565/...

Made me think. Does the lastest version of Terminal on Windows supports that ? Does last cmd ?

LOL !!! the BEST terminal Microsoft ever made... Does not suport alternate streams in this test. (may be it's other syntax, no iea).

But cmd still does. The old cmd I never used since this terminal app was released.

I find it super funny.

Manager: Oh my god have you heard of libraries? I don’t even need to hire developers anymore, everything can just be done with code other people have already built for free

Dev: Well you actually cause a bit of technical debt when you use an abstrac—

Manager: EVERY TICKET SHOULD BE DONE USING LIBRARIES GOING FORWARD.

Dev: …This is going to implode…Can we at least fund some of the libraries we end up using?

Manager: WHAT? NO! Open source developers are suckers, what idiot puts code on the internet for free?? I shouldn’t be required to fund their stupidity. Let’s just take their stuff and make money with it.

Dev: *Phone rings 100th time today from recruiter*. One sec I have to take this call……It’s urgent.

Hot secs

So you wanna be software engineer at Google?🌝

Saw this in Reddit....... Stupid design.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

Samsung be like...
-- 8GB ram
-- 64GB storage.

Buy phone...
Open settings...
-- 50+ system apps
-- 2gb ram left
-- 12gb storage remaining

When the interns mess up big time, good orgs support them. 😭💙

Microsoft expected to unveil Windows 11 on June 24.

What. Thefuck

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!