Bahaha

Dev sent out a code review request.
I take about an hour, ask questions, make suggestions, general feedback, etc.

Today I noticed none of my questions were answered, developer closed the review, and the code merged into the production branch.

So I email him, asking him why the review was closed and why none of my concerns were addressed before merging to production.

Dev: "No one responded or left feedback, so I thought it was OK to merge up."
Me: "I reviewed and left feedback within the hour you sent the request."
Dev: "Oh yea...you did. Sorry. The code is already in production, but if you still want to leave feedback, create a work item, and I'll take a look."

No you won't.

An example of the code...The dev added an async method to a test harness *console app*. Why? .. check in comment was "Improves performance and enhances the developer experience.."
NO IT DOESN'T!

OK..that's off my chest. No one is getting punched in the face today.

Laziest thing is to do is commenting out the buggy code in minified JS rather than actually fixing

My biggest dev blunder. I haven't told a single soul about this, until now.

👻👻👻👻👻👻

So, I was working as a full stack dev at a small consulting company. By this time I had about 3 years of experience and started to get pretty comfortable with my tools and the systems I worked with.

I was the person in charge of a system dealing with interactions between people in different roles. Some of this data could be sensitive in nature and users had a legal right to have data permanently removed from our system. In this case it meant remoting into the production database server and manually issuing DELETE statements against the db. Ugh.

As soon as my brain finishes processing the request to venture into that binary minefield and perform rocket surgery on that cursed database my sympathetic nervous system goes into high alert, palms sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.

Alright. Let's do this the safe way. I write the statements needed and do a test run on my machine. Works like a charm 😎

Time to get this over with. I remote into the server. I paste the code into Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio. I read through the code again and again and again. It's solid. I hit run.

....

Wait. I ran it?

....

With the IDs from my local run?

...

I stare at the confirmation message: "Nice job dude, you just deleted some stuff. Cool. See ya. - Your old pal SQL Server".

What did I just delete? What ramifications will this have? Am I sweating? My life is over. Fuck! Think, think, think.

You're a professional. Handle it like one, goddammit.

I think about doing a rollback but the server dudes are even more incompetent than me and we'd lose all the transactions that occurred after my little slip. No, that won't fly.

I do the only sensible thing: I run the statements again with the correct IDs, disconnect my remote session, and BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP FOREVER.

I tell no one. The next few days I await some kind of bug report or maybe a SWAT team. Days pass. Nothing. My anxiety slowly dissipates. That fateful day fades into oblivion and I feel confident my secret will die with me. Cool ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ON MONDAY

TL: Why the hell you require a month to integrate this engine?

Me: It will take that much time, can't help it.

TL: it can be done within a week.

Me: Then you do it.

TL: Ok I will show how it's done in a week.

ON FRIDAY

Me: What's the status on that integration?

TL: Oh yeah about that, you have to carry it ahead, I have some monitoring to do.

Me: Ok, give me the repository access, I will carry it ahead.

ME OPENS REPOSITORY.

There's only a new controller file with nothing it.

If I have to explain git to another person who has worked in software for several years, I’m picking up a chainsaw.
It’s okay if you’ve just started, it’s not if you’re building code for a decade.

Is there a platform for clients to rant about their developers? Just wondering.

Co-worker: Hey man, what's up with your code?

Me: What do you mean bro?

Co-worker: It's generic man...

Me: Isn't it supposed to be like that?

Co-worker: Yeah...

Me: ... so what's this about?

Co-worker: hmmm... Mine is kinda specific, do you mind changing it so that it can work well with mine??

Me: That's why I made it generic though

Co-worker: yeah I see that and I dnt want mine to be and we have a deadline tomorrow. I already pushed mine to develop so, happy fun-time while modifying your code to accommodate mine...

Me: *fuuxuuuuuuuuuuuux*

I write code,
I am a writer.
I fight with bugs,
I am a fighter.
I optimise code,
to make it tighter.

its cold outside

just like my body when its buried in a grave

lmao

I just got banned in a chat group because I sent a video with the output of "sl" with the caption:

"I am currently hacking and taking your money"