Ah the wonders of working with non-technical people. 😤
I had a logistical problem. The SSD on my laptop crashed.
Me: No biggie just request new one.
Them: Sorry we don't have any on stock.
Me:Okey then give me a new laptop.
Them:Ok fine here you go.
Me:I specifically required 16 GB of RAM.
Them: ok here is an extra 8gb
Me: I need DDR 4 not DDR3
Them: don't have any. We will restock shortly.

A couple a days later a colleague requested 8gb DDR3 and got DDR 4.
The fuck is wrong with people. Can you not read?🤔🙄

Sweet baby Jesus the stories are true. I thought this day would never come but yesterday I found a website in production straight out of a horror story.
Inline script tags that contained spaghetti code and static content. And to top it off inline style with position absolute for everything 😰😰
Also worth mentioning a couple of broken pages(404) and a beatufill repeat-y image for the background😳
I lost all hope😂

Very relatable 😂

TL;DR fuck stupid people

I had to develop a rather simple Android app. It had to scan a qr code and let the user validate an invitation based on that code.
It had 2 fucking screens, one for statistics, one for the scan.
One week before going live

Product owner: The app is too complicated.
Dev/me: What?😶
PO: I want you to get rid of the statistics screen. Also make the text and buttons bigger. Also keep in mind we might want it back after.

Needless to say the app looks like shit with the exagerated font size.
At least it's so idiot proof that even a monkey could use it.😂

I think nobody as a developer or as a sysadmin wants to deal with a grouchy sysdba. As a full stack developer who sometimes does the work of a sysadmin or sysdba I prefer to do things myself when I can.
But last week I was notified that my app was failing in prod. After some debugging the problem seemed to be related to some queries.
Upon further inspection I realized that the cunt revoked the select grant for the user my app was using.
I will let that sink in. He revoked the fucking select grant. Wtf😶

Why would someone in the fucking year of 2018 use fucking IE and only IE?
People need to understand that the sole purpose of IE is to download chrome🤣😂
No matter the framework/language you use it is guaranteed to crash in IE.
It's gonna be a glorious day😂

Today the inconceivable happened at the office. A rather attractive female colleague of ours asked if anybody could help her with a Java related issue.
Of course the majority of guys were more than willing to help.
A victor finally emerged. He went on to claim his prize by helping the fair maiden.
After a few seconds..."This is not Java. It's javascript'
I shit you not we just exploded in laughter 😂

Picked up an older project which is in prod for 2 years now. I got a DB error related to a null in an array.
Proceed to check the front end(angular 1.5). Ended up in a 3000 lines file😫
What's worse the array was processed by multiple functions including 'filter' and 'filter2'. Naming conventions ftw😂 I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😂

Whenever in need I call the troops. More awesome than a Dev duck.
We are Groot!😂

Did you know that talking about your goals actually decreases your chances of reaching them? It's a form of social validation. Talking about them and receiving praise from your peers in a sort of mini-goal which could replace the actual goal so you are less motivated to actually go for the real goal. Best of luck anyway! May the odds be ever in your favor when facing procrastination😂

Biggest sin? Easy. Pushed directly to master branch and deployed to prod. I should mention it was something very small before I get crucified😂

Hey guys! I want to purchase a new phone. I owned an Asus zenfone2 and was happy with it. I want and android phone with at least 4 gb of ram and a decent chipset. I am not interested in samsung s8 google pixel or such. I was looking into oneplus 3 or 5 or lg g6. Could you provide some suggestions?

Front end guy: Somethings wrong with your server. My app is crashing.
* proceed to check logs. Everything fine
Me: Ok send me a log, a printscreen something. What calls do you make?
*send a printscreen with a failling 404 request
* You dense motherfucker learn your fucking http status. They are there for a reason😤

@dfox just throwing a suggestion out there. How about creating a weekly tips section in which everyone could share useful insight about different tehnologies/OS/languages? Or even create topics in which people could share such things?

NSA: "We fucking love those guys"😂

So apparently Google collects geolocation information on Android devices even if location is disabled.
@linuxxx where are you my friend?😂

One of my colleagues held a very short, literally 5 minutes, interview today. The candidate was looking for an android developer position.

Me: Done already?😕
C: Yep. Had enough.
Me: How come?
C: I asked him if he has any apps on the store? No. Any public git? No. Any apk? No.
C: Ok what experience do you have?
Dude: I worked on a app similar to imdb 4 years ago. I made a page for it.
C: *Page* *triggered* *internal screaming* 😂
C: Ok and since then?
Dude: Nothing.
C; Ok, we'll call you.

Best ot luck in your android dev career mate. Never gonna hear from us.

How can you come to an interview and be so unprepared. Was he delosutional or something?😕

Vim is love, Vim is life 😂

By far the biggest challenge is naming your classes and variables in your native language instead of using english. And obviously you end up with a hidious mix of english and native terms 😂

We were building a website using angular 1. We were collaborating with some devs from outside our firm. At some point one of the devs(which was supposed to be a front end expert) had the brilliant idea to migrate to a never version of angular. He made the changes and fucked up all the controllers and functionalities and then he just disappeared. My team worked for 2 weeks to fix his mess.
Dude do you even know the definition of refactoring? 😤

I was discussing something about git today with a colleague and then it hit me. Git push --force is like rape. You don't want to push? I'll force you to😂

!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge

Worst technology ever by far I have to say JsData. It's a framework for javascript ofering ORM facilities so you don't have to deal with Ajax yourself. The nightmares with data being cached and not updated, the fact that the response must always be an object with an id. Why? Just why? 😨

Aren't lambda expressions just the most frustrating thing sometimes? But how can you not love them when they get the job done in one-liners? 😍

When i open cmd and can't run a command because i am not admin.