A programmer was smoking.

A lady standing near by asked him can't you see the warning? smoking is injurious for health!!

He replied, "We are bothered only about errors NOT warnings"....

What did the CPU Pipeline say to the System Memory?
Sorry, we only take cache.

me: *has insomnia*
me: ok I'll check ways to improve my sleep
me: *keeps drinking coffee after 6 pm and using my phone in bed* i wonder why I can't sleep

When I self-published my first indie game on steam and people actually started buying it.

Remember sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka trying to tell my girlfriend like that lunatic dotconnecting on a whiteboard meme guy, this is really bad because too much people bought it.
They should spend their money on something useful instead of me, I felt like a fraud.

It turned out good in the end tho, made some updates for it that made it better so i felt better about it, plus got a job from a publisher because they liked my game 😃

What's your Dev X-mas wish?

What’s the most efficient algorithm to find duplicates in a set?

An SO moderator

Stackoverflow.

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

Just saw this:

Add comma's to your passwords to mess with the csv file they will be dumped in after a data breach

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

Coworker wrote a nice package and put it on Github, to share with other departments.

I link his package on our company Slack, mentioning a team, with text "What do you think of this one? Is it usable for you guys?"

Next thing I know I have to explain to an executive why I'm "posting pictures of seductive cartoon girls in company chat with disrespectful commentary"

It linked the Github profile picture of the developer in Slack. A fully clothed anime girl, nothing particularly lewd about it.

But I like stabbing back a bit, and confusing the fuck out of people in suits:

"Hate to say it, but a good majority of all the code the company runs on, is written by people known as weebs, who use their so called waifus as their GitHub profile picture. It is very common for open source Javascript packages, but since we recruited 50 extra devs it now also happens internally. It's not my thing either sir, but I'm afraid we have to embrace it... "

"But what about our female devs? What about Joanna, she's in your team? We have to think of diversity! Our investors are really in to diversity, we can't have a bro culture!"

"Sir, with all due respect, we have super diverse teams without even trying. The problem is... they're all millennials. They grew up on weird memes... and are probably ten steps further in embracing diversity compared to the rest of the company."

"Also, Joanna is the one who drew this particular picture. She's charging a €15 commission for profile pictures... Do you want one of your fursona, sir?"

"What is that?"

"Uh... nevermind. Let's... let's not go there"

Took me 9 hours to write what ended up being a 10 line function to sort messages and replies in the proper order.

I at least knew it would employ recursion, but goddamn... 9 hours.

Fuck sakes

Facebook: *moves a button to the left by 0.0000002 pixels*

Facebook's users (averaging about a billion years old): Yo wtf where'd that button go

My entire day.....

I broke up with my Girlfriend at restaurant and She started crying, everyone thought i had proposed so they started Clapping. 😂🤣😎

Refactoring someone else's code (the dude's a senior).
I'm a junior, just updated my linkedin, burnout activated, I can't deal with this kind of shit no more.

Outro: this is the nicest piece of code from him, every other line of code just .... just.... D:

So true...

I swear that some people in StackOverflow are there just to downvote others...

Differentiate it twice...
That's how you get it... 🤓

Heat it up....

This is so true (not for me).

People (normies) bitch about security, but they click on any and every link, while putting all their information all over the internet.

Things I hate about Microsoft (Part 1):

Windows: Does things I don't want it to do. Is not user friendly. It is just user familiar.

Outlook / Hotmail: Drops emails silently, which are RFC conform and pass every other mail service. No error messages or notifications.

Edge: Does not / Partially support(s) some modern standards.

IE: No explanation needed.

Design language: border-radius: 0 !important

Business model: Let's make our own hardware, so we can compete with our hardware partners (HP, Dell, ...). Isn't that a perfect idea.

Tracking: Let's track everything of our users. Even how many photos they open in our OS*. What they get from that? Well they could get personalised ads on Bing. Isn't that a perfect model.

*: https://blogs.windows.com/windowsex...

When your crush says I like stack overflow

My company just blocked devRant ip...

Well, now I need to use my own mobile data to procrastinate

Boy: I like you 😘
Girl: I have a boyfriend
Boy: sudo I like you
Girl: I like you too 😘

😂

I’ll tell you a DNS joke but be advised, it could take up to 24 hours for everyone to get it.

!rant
Just in case someone is curious how StackOverflow moderation looks like.

"Dude, don’t you hate it when people say "well yes and no" like they are some kind of goddamn quantum computer or something?"

Answer: Very Slowly!