So true 💡

Agile in practice.

I finished my story with 3 days left in our 2 week sprint.

Me: What story should I pull in next?
PM: Story <number> to add <new feature>
Me: ok, sounds good
PM: Will you finish it before our sprint ends?
Me: No, probably will take me 5-7 days.
PM: But it can't spill over, it will make our metrics look bad.
Me: I can't finish it in 3 days.
PM: ....
Me: Can't you just explain the spillover as us working ahead?
PM: It will look bad on our <automated-report>
Me: ....
Me: So don't want me to get started on <new feature>?
PM: ....
Me: <internally sighing> What do you want me to do?
PM: Maybe you can pair program with <Overpaid-Idiot-Programmer> to help finish their story
Me: ....
Me: feelsbadman.jpg

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

I've made a thing and I'm proud of it.:D

Ok, this is a rant against some devRanters.

STOP THINKING THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM IS SWITCHING TO LINUX! STOP!
I am a linux user but i fucking hate people who act like dickheads to other OS users.
-A node.js problem is not a windows/linux problem
-An android studio problem is not a windows/linux problem
-A problem with website x is not a windows/linux problem
Understand the problem and give a relevant answer, don't just spit "Use Linux" everytime.

I am feeling nerdier than ever.

Today is:
- PI day
- Einstein birthday
- Stephen Hawking died today
- My birthday

You know, exiting Skype is even harder than exiting Vim

Getting older. I've been needlessly worried about my age as a developer since I was 23, which is hilarious.

People always need good devs. You don't have to become a manager or commit suicide at 30. Just be awesome and someone will pay you.

In my company we have a weekly meeting for the Tech deparment, so today the IT Director (my direct manager) was describing an issue we are experiencing with our DNS, and he asked

"What we should do with our DNS?"

Instantly I said out loud:

"Resolve them"

Protip: appending ", dammit" to your Google searches tells their NLP algorithms that you need more relevant results

TL;DR — Never ever use work chat to gossip about work. NEVER.

—

Just some minutes ago, my boss asked a mate to move aside from his computer and began checking out some docs.

By the tone he used, I assumed something was wrong, I stood from my workplace and went to grab something from the kitchen. Came back and he was looking through a thread in slack between a mate and another work mate.

I thought he was going to send something to himself but then he asked me if I could help printing out the screen. Took a quick look and they were talking shit about him.

Now, it'll be an awkward silence until I go home and those two stay to argue about that thread.

Sheez.

!Rant

Support Call:
”our PC stick isn't booting up! Come and fix it! (angry)”

Me:
”The PC are meant to boot up whenever power is delivered to them. Are you sure your TVs are powered on?”

Support Call:
”Yes! I just pressed the power button on both TVs and it didn't turn on the PC sticks.”

Me:
”So you can confirm the TVs are on? Can you change the input and see what happens?”

Support Phone:
”Stop wasting my time and send someone down to fix it now! I told you it isn't working!”

Me:
”Ok, we will get someone out to you as soon as possible.”

Then a support guy drives 2 hours to their store.

When he gets there he realizes that the TVs power is connected to a light switch and they has the switch off!!!

He said ”can we turn on some lights so I can see behind the TV?” and then all the fucking TVs came on.

These are times when I fully understand the concept of “firing a customer”.

The customer sent an email saying ”the downtime for your product was unacceptable.” even after it was explained to them that the problem was them turning off the power.

These fucking idiots actually expect us to deliver products to display on TVs without fucking electricity to run them.

I will smash your fucking nerf gun over your head. Why is 30-40 yr old men acting like my kids even a thing. No other industry treats talent like infants. Nor does any other industry seem to have so many adult children present. </rant>

I made a thing

Post your work area, fuckers.

I'm not sure it's a good idea...

I was tutoring a Freshman, its something you must do at my uni and I saw his code. He said he stopped working when he changed text editors...

God damn, its like the aftermath of a tornado

Windows be like:

Source: Twitter.

New engineer : How do you estimate how long a project will take..?

Seasoned engineer : I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by π.

New engineer : Why π ?

Seasoned engineer : It ensures that all my budgets are irr-rational..

"if it compiles, it works"

The old logo makes sense now.

Recruiters at it again...

He should make tutorials: "How to cause an exception"

Me: "I'm a programmer"

Others: talks about linux
Others: search algorithms!
Others: service infrastructure
Others: memory optimization
Others: encryption

Me: "I'm a front end web developer"

Others: complex services
Others: strong user form validation
Others: lazy loading
Others: SEO

Me: "fucking, I make shit look pretty alright"

Screen is viewed as inverted, but the cursor is still right.
Thank you ubuntu, but fuck you.

More active than me

When you try to tell your fellow devs to start using Git 😶

Found this on Twitter

Dis is true.

Read till the last! Never seen such poetic error message ever!