Am I the only one who sees a post that begins with "Am I the only one..." and automatically downvotes?

You are not a special snowflake, there are millions just like you, live with it.

Trying to find that one line of php you need to change in a magento project

App/design/frontend/base/default/template/this/is/not/gonna/be/the/template/youre/looking/for/fuckyou.phtml

Working as a junior dev with Js, moment.js, php and MySQL dates and trying make them respect (not love) each other and talk to each other nicely...

OH GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS MYSELF, JUST DIE IN MY SLEEP ALREADY, MY MOTHER TOLD ME I SHOULD BE A DOCTOR