devComic #3 "The Pizza Paradox" adapted from a rant by @molynerd (https://devrant.com/rants/178708/)

Almost all fellow programmers I've met have either wanted to be my boyfriend, thought I was a fake geek girl, or were too shy/intimidated to talk to me. (or a combination.)

devRant is the only place I've actually met friendly developers.

Cocksucker.

https://avclub.com/the-fccs-ajit-pa...

I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.

Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"

Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."

New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".

She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...

New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"

I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.

Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"

Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."

QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"

Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"

I keep grinning, and I nod.

"I might have offered her a permanent contract"

Stack Overflow : None of us is as dumb as all of us

When your boss learns how to use StackOverflow

When you see this in the internet and get ideas for your next meeting

Guys we did it! The VS Code logo is back to blue again!
https://code.visualstudio.com/blogs...

Always

Oh it needs some milk!

Just want to recommend the DevRant stress ball. I wasn't quite sure how to use it (it doesn't come with instructions) but since stuffing mine down the PM's throat my stress level has reduced dramatically.

Today I broke a record 🎉

..in the production database 😅

Me and ma kid

Two unit tests, no integration tests.

Linux distributions.

I have a dream that one day i will push a code to beta and QA will not be able to find a bug.

Git blame strikes again

Coworker: "Have you heard of imposter syndrome?"

Me: "In your case it's just called incompetence"

When you start to get frustrated during testing and stop using "foobar"...

(Usually it get more vulgar the more frustrated you are)

Things I hate about Microsoft (Part 1):

Windows: Does things I don't want it to do. Is not user friendly. It is just user familiar.

Outlook / Hotmail: Drops emails silently, which are RFC conform and pass every other mail service. No error messages or notifications.

Edge: Does not / Partially support(s) some modern standards.

IE: No explanation needed.

Design language: border-radius: 0 !important

Business model: Let's make our own hardware, so we can compete with our hardware partners (HP, Dell, ...). Isn't that a perfect idea.

Tracking: Let's track everything of our users. Even how many photos they open in our OS*. What they get from that? Well they could get personalised ads on Bing. Isn't that a perfect model.

*: https://blogs.windows.com/windowsex...

Undefusable Unix Bomb

1. I agree to work with you on your startup idea because i believe in you.
2. I am the solo developer doing both the mobile apps, website, database and server side.
3.You call me shouting and complaining that i am too slow.

4. sudo rm -rf ~/your_project

Every hour or so someone shows up at my desk requesting a query to be executed.

I feel like I'm just a human-sql interface.

Reasons why I update a software to the latest version:
1% - I'm glad that they fixed the bug
4% - I want the new features
95% - To get rid of reminders that don't allow to tick a "don't remind me later" field.

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

Xcode...

Kidding I hate that pile of crap :/

The longer you code, the darker your IDE becomes. #000000 for life

Postman anyone? It's the shit.

All the time

ERRORs are red,
INFOs are blue.
My logs look pretty,
But not as pretty as-
Wait, hold on. Why are there ERRORs in here?
Why is the homepage returning a 5- oh crap.
Can you just... Can you give me a minute?