Hahaha!!!

Web developers 🤣

I had to repost this from reddit

Is this what they don't teach us in schools ?

Oh no, JetBrains! <facepalm>

React as Senior DB Admin

No offense hackers...

Group projects be like.

Fullstack

Recipe sites are the absolute aids.

Ad covered, half the time they feature some bullshit story nobody cares about, and it takes ages to scroll through them.

Fuck this is bad.

Wow I haven’t been on here in a while.... 😅
Either way I saw this and I hope it’s not a repost.

So we got our first household Alexa yesterday and my brothers have been asking it silly things, like:

Brother: Alexa sing baby shark:
Alexa: <sings baby shark>

B: Alexa sing mummy shark
A: <sings mummy shark>

B: Alexa sing daddy shark
A: <sings daddy shark>

B: Alexa sing grandma shark
A: "I think that's enough, even I have my limits"

Fucking Brilliant!!!

hahaha

Intern asked Manager how can one become a senior developer.

Manager explained and then, asked why?

Intern said that the senior developer was not able to fix the bug in his code for over 3 days while it took the Junior developer (me) around 10 minutes.

[Silence in the meeting]

Programmer move

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

Check out my new app!

http://localhost:3000/

Never google "man" command!
I was looking for "man touch" and the result was "3 Ways to Touch a Guy - wikiHow" :|

software development job postings in 2020 be like

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)