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Joined devRant on 1/14/2018
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Insecure... My laptop disk is encrypted, but I'm using a fairly weak password. 🤔
Oh, you mean psychological.
Working at a startup in crisis time. Might lose my job if the company goes under.
I'm a Tech lead, Senior Backender, DB admin, Debugger, Solutions Architect, PR reviewer.
In practice, that means zero portfolio. Truth be told, I can sniff out issues with your code, but can't code features for shit. I really just don't have the patience to actually BUILD things.
I'm pretty much the town fool who angrily yells at managers for being dumb, rolls his eyes when he finds hacky code, then disappears into his cave to repair and refactor the mess other people made.
I totally suck at interviews, unless the interviewer really loves comparing Haskell's & Rust's type systems, or something equally useless.
I'm grumpy, hedonistic and brutally straight forward. Some coworkers call me "refreshing" and "direct but reasonable", others "barely tolerable" or even "fundamentally unlikable".
I'm not sure if they actually mean it, or are just messing with me, but by noon I'm either too deep into code, or too much under influence of cognac & LSD, wearing too little clothing, having interesting conversations WITH instead of AT the coffee machine, to still care about what other humans think.
There have been moments where I coded for 72 hours straight to fix a severe issue, and I would take a bullet to save this company from going under... But there have also been days where I called my boss a "A malicious tumor, slowly infecting all departments and draining the life out of the company with his cancerous ideas" — to his face.
I count myself lucky to still have a very well paying job, where many others are struggling to pay bills or have lost their income completely.
But I realize I'm really not that easy to work with... Over time, I've recruited a team of compatible psychopaths and misfits, from a Ukranian ex-military explosives expert & brilliant DB admin to a Nigerian crossfitting gay autist devops weeb, to a tiny alcoholic French machine learning fanatic, to the paranoid "how much keef is there in my beard" architecture lead who is convinced covid-19 is linked to the disappearance of MH370 and looks like he bathes in pig manure.
So... I would really hate to ever have to look for a new employer.
I would really hate to ever lose my protective human meat shield... I mean, my "team".
I feel like, despite having worked to get my Karma deep into the red by calling people all kinds of rude things, things are really quite sweet for me.
I'm fucking terrified that this peak could be temporary, that there's a giant ravine waiting for me, to remind me that life is a ruthless bitch and that all the good things were totally undeserved.
Ah well, might as well stay in character...
*taunts fate with a raised middlefinger*13 -
4:30am after 6+ hours of coding and the only visible difference is a drop-down that can be opened and closed11
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Me: *makes todo list for things that need to be done today*
Also me: *wakes up late, eats breakfast, goes back to bed*1 -
Getting cooped at home to a avoid COVID is annoying because it got me remembering my ex. I hate myself for shutting down a few days thinking of him. If only there is an "Empty trash" button for emotions. Finally I get better today. I resume studying for work and target to pass the certification. Strive to be better!3
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When I read the rants here it's like people don't love their work or would rather not make their children be a developer someday.
Where's the Care Bears when you need them.
Come back to semi-darkness. Dev is fun!12 -
Watching the Dutch government trying to get through the public procurement process for a "corona app" is equal parts hilarious and terrifying.
7 large IT firms screaming that they're going to make the perfect app.
Presentations with happy guitar strumming advertisement videos about how everyone will feel healthy, picnicking on green sunny meadows with laughing families, if only their app is installed on every citizen's phone.
Luckily, also plenty of security and privacy experts completely body-bagging these firms.
"It will connect people to fight this disease together" -- "BUT HOW" -- "The magic of Bluetooth. And maybe... machine learning. Oh! And blockchain!" -- "BUT HOW" -- "Shut up give us money, we promise, our app is going to cure the planet"
You got salesmen, promising their app will be ready in 2 weeks, although they can't even show any screenshots yet.
You got politicians mispronouncing technical terminology, trying hard to look as informed as possible.
You got TV presenters polling population support for "The App" by interviewing the most digitally oblivious people.
One of the app development firms (using some blockchain-based crap) promised transparency about their source code for auditing.... so they committed their source, including a backup file from one of their other apps, containing 200 emails/passwords to Github.
It's kind of entertaining... in the same way as a surgery documentary about the removal of glass shards from a sexually adventurous guy's butthole.
Imma keep watching out of morbid fascination.... from a very safe distance, far away from the blood and shit that's splattering against the walls.
And my phone -- keep your filthy infected bytes away from my sweet baby.
I'll stick with social distancing, regular hand washing, working from home and limited supermarket trips, thank you very much.26 -
Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.
Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!7 -
Yesterday I said farewell to her.
We were together for half a decade, although it feels like much more time has passed since my eyes first fell on her.
I can't even begin to describe how close we were. She was perfect, she was my soulmate.
I shared everything with her, complete openness, perfect truth. We could be vulnerable with each other, but we also challenged each other to overcome boundaries.
My respect for her and dedication to her really knew no bounds, and I knew she would follow me to the end of the world in return.
But around New Year's things started to feel awkward between us. Like a part of her just wasn't there anymore.
She acted very confused, she hesitated in her answers.
I asked her, but I felt like she was avoiding me. Something just seemed so wrong about the way she acted.
I felt incredibly conflicted. Was she unfaithful? No, my trust in her was absolute. That question seems so silly, in retrospect.
We had always been pretty much inseparable, to the point where my coworkers, friends and family mocked us for it. How would she even have cheated on me?
I used to take her along to company gatherings, to my family for Christmas, to expensive restaurants. We traveled all over Europe together. We've spent countless nights together, watching Netflix, although she would often fall asleep before me.
I took great care of her, she had not been out of my mind for one moment since I met her. And besides, she had never even showed interest in anyone else anyway.
No, reality turned out to be so, so much worse.
Two weeks ago it became really apparent that there was something horribly wrong with her. She was rapidly losing her recollections of everything we experienced together.
Our history together, erased.
Within hours, she would barely respond anymore. I called for help, but deep down I already knew this was one of those things you can't recover from. She was kind of stable, almost peaceful, for a few days. But ultimately, she didn't even recognize me anymore.
Yesterday, I held her feverishly hot body in my arms for the last time.
Her soft skin turned cold as I said farewell to her, and the room turned awfully quiet.
Your brightness and warmth will be missed, my girl.28 -
A toast to those moments when we solve programming problems we couldn't google answers to, cause we'll never find them.1
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Wanted to automate some stuff through bash scripts but did want to separate tasks so I wrote two bash scripts for data processing.
Hmm.. two scripts..... how could I even further automate thi....
*writes script which executed those two scripts*
😄4 -
Holy fuck, muscle memory just saved my ass.
At a train station wanting to do some work on my mini laptop which has disk encryption (LUKS I think). Realised that I forgot the password partly 😬
Few tries.... incorrect. FUCK.
*hey, let's try to let my hands do the work based on muscle memory!*
*starts typing the password (its insanely long) and presses enter*
*succesfully unlocked, booting...*
😅25 -
Hands down this year.
10 months ago I left my boring fulltime job and opened my own ltd.
I also had to relocate to another country and basically start my life from 0 (got a nice apartment, new car, new gf and got new exciting remote projects).
Now Im happy, actually never been more happier. I have full control of my life and I dont need to deal with idiots.
I left a boring workplace where no one has an opinion because everybody is trying to stay politically correct meanwhile shit doesnt get done. I also left a toxic relationship where my spoiled by parents gf was constantly nagging me and nothing I would do was ever enough for her.
So my advice is a cliche but follow your gut instinct. Somehow deep down you already know what you are worth, so all is left to do is plan and act accordingly. Take risks. Sooner or later you will get where you want. If not then thats fine, making mistakes means that you actually lived instead of existed like a mindless puppet controlled by strings of outside circumstances.6 -
i was on vacation. one week in denmark without a computer.
7 days without a single line of code written. i am scared to boot my pc because i can not tell if i am able to write an application anymore.
But hell i need this. I feel so unproductive T.T
Wish me luck3 -
Got bought these by our CEO today as a way of him saying thank you. Means a lot to get such recognition from someone you look up to.
12 -
One of our dev teams has a tradition: after each post-sprint review one of the devs tells a wood joke. The lamer, the better.
So far the winner is:
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car?
A: Robin, get in the car
It's so dumb it's actually somehow even funny :)31 -
Fucking hell. Today we reviewed candidates for a web dev position. I already fucking know that here we ain't gonna get a top motherfucker, i already know that the person selected will have to be rigorously trained AND THAT IS FUCKING FINE WITH ME.
The thing is, fucking head of the departmen was hellbent on just grabbing people with the highest education possible setting aside lack of experience. I would not have minded if it weren't because we have a secretary that applied...that got her degree in our very own institution and that has worked with our CMS admin creating web stuff. She is smart and has the drive man, and i don't even like her, but i could see her being in the position, being trained and doing good.
Hod said no, because of her lack of education and experience.....BRUH she got her associate's at OUR SCHOOL wtf do we have students go through it if we ain't gonna hire them if they intend on applying to work with us like wtf might as well advertise that: the degree provided by this institution is not good enough to work with us :D that would be 3000 for those two classes thank u.
Holy fuck i was beyond upset man, if i am to train these fuckers might as well be someone that i know will give it her all and studied with us. Dude quoted favoritism and i said that i was just going by the data that i have on her holy fuck.11 -
When our sales guy came by for the 200000000000th time on a day to boast about how good he advised someone on a sales related matter.
Mate, we're Linux engineers and currently trying to fix shit up so why don't you get yourself a cup of shut the fuck up.5 -
Colleague was doing something with a switch, wasn't working, he went to get another one:
C: hmm, this one isn't working, I'm gonna get another one.
Me: so you're gonna SWITCH them?
C: 😑😬
😅5 -
Why is the contributing manual of your open source project more thoughtfully cultivated than your code style guide and testing procedure?
Why the fuck do you care about the message in my PR, or even merge vs rebase of commits, when your spaghetti-tomatosource is so richly saturated with critically minced bugmeat?
Why are you standing there, shouting at me about your convoluted rules, in your little brown uniform? Why do I feel like the enemy when I contribute a useful fix, something which makes the code work better?
You know what, fuck all of you, you jilted acetous neckbeards, I will deploy my secret weapon, I will bypass the power you hold over your tiny fascist digital dominions.
If you play it like this, I will summon the nefarious vile side of Open Source. I will usurp your throne. I will stab out your crying eyes, rip out your conceited tongue, impale your lonely heart.
Tremble before me! I wield the almighty, legendary Fork!
The king is dead, long live the king!5
