Got my new workstation.
Isn't it a beauty?

Rocking a Pentium II 366 MHz processor.
6 GB HDD.
64 MB SDRAM.
1 minute of battery life.
Resolution up to SXGA (1280x1024)
Removable CD-Rom drive.
1 USB port (we like to use dongles, right?)

Also it has state of the art security:
- No webcam
- No Mic
- Removable WiFi
- I forgot the password

And best of all:
It as a nipple to play with!!

Guys... We must consider removing AI from clouds...

I never thought they'd be so rude /s

After spending a few months on this site, what strikes me the most, is how unhappy a lot of programmers are.

It kind of makes me sad to see so many of you struggle with office politics bullshit everyday.

I have a confession to make.

I've never had a programming job, or freelanced, yet I have made a very comfortable living with programming and marketing for the past 20 years.

I make my living by finding niches where there is shit software, and creating a better alarm clock.

The first 5-10 years of doing this, I worked my ass off (throughout my twenties)
But during most of my thirties, I barely had to
work to keep it all up. I get residual income still
from stuff I did 10 years ago.

I'm curious if anyone at all would be interested in learning how to do this, quitting their job, for example, or, just having the freedom to write your own code without answering to anybody but your own customers. Many of whom you never have to talk to, they go to your site, they buy, and rarely ever send emails (if you do it right)

Everybody here has knowledge that is so bankable, yet they seem to just surrender to
asshole bosses and clients. It doesn't have to
be like that.

If you'd be interested in this, please ++ this.

I'm thinking of creating an online course about creating and marketing your own software, specifically for programmers like you guys. and girls.

I genuinely just want to see if there's interest. I hope that's ok.

"You are rude."

Well yeah no shit sherlock, took you like what, 2 years to notice?

Microsoft is investing in Git, VSCode, Electron, Github, Bash-on-Windows. Things that decentralize and help prevent lock-in.
Apple is taking away the only universal cross platform graphics system (OpenGL), locking developers into Metal, and taking away our escape keys.

Client: we need you to give us access to the code ASAP. We don't like this black box approach.

Me: You have always had access to the code. It is here on this bitbucket repo and your usernames have admin access.

Client: We want the code moved to our GitHub before EOD.

I check out how to move repos over and it's fairly easy.

Me: just give me access to create a repo on your GitHub account and you can have the code moved over.

Client: Sorry it's late in the day and we stepped out to get drinks. (It was 2:30 pm). Not sure why you think there is a rush on this, we'll handle it first thing next week.

Me: WTF

The GET /users endpoint will return a page of the first 13 users by default.

To request other pages, add |-separated querystring with the limit and offset, as roman numerals enclosed in double quotation marks. Response status is always equal to 200, plus the total count of the resource, or zero when there's an error.

You can include an array of friends of the user in the result by setting the request header "friends" to the base64-encoded value of the single white pixel png.

Other metadata is not included by default in responses, but can be requested by appending ?meta.json to any endpoint, which will return an xml response.

If you want to update the user's profile picture, you can request an OAuth token per fax machine, followed by a pigeon POST capsule containing a filename and a rolled up Polaroid picture. The status code attached to the return postal dove will be the decimal ASCII code for a happy smiley on success, and a sad smiley if any field fails form validation.

-- Every single external REST API I've ever worked with.

I love how "shotgun debugging" works.

Let's say the microwave doesn't work. I put my burrito in it, press buttons. Nothing happens.

Any sane person would trace the possible cause: Check if it is plugged in, maybe the fuse is blown? Nah, we don't have time for this: Let's try shotgunning it!

- Turn the burrito upside down.
- Try aligning the burrito in different cardinal directions.
- Press random buttons
- Remove burrito wrapper
- Separate burrito into single components, sort them onto a plate in a nifty layout and try microwaving that.
- Remove each component of the sorted burrito plate and try microwaving the plate with less and less items.
- Try microwaving each separate item and then later reassembling them back into burrito to see if it gets heated after the act.
- Try putting a cat on top of the microwave.
- Pour water on cat
- Notice a strong reaction involving water and the cat.
- Try catching the cat for additional testing.
- Go to the hospital to get stitches on your open wounds.

Later write a bug report to the maintainer: "Microwave doesn't work. Tracked the issue down to the moisture level of the cat, additional testing needed."

Sometimes I feel frontend development is like ancient magic:

Backend Dev: Oh no, I can't align this DIV properly.
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius on the DIV *
* Div aligns slightly better *
BE Dev: But it's not centered!
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Marginis Automaticus! *
* Rolls natural 1 *
* Everything collapses *
* Website is on fire *
* Product owner cries *
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius level 5 on the parent div *
* Everything looks beautiful *
* People are in awe *
FE Dev: You are welcome!
* Adjusts his robe and leaves *

Our dev team got a new manager. On our first face 2 face meeting:

Manager: So, what technology are we using for web apps?
Me: TypeScript.
Manager: What is TypeScript?
Me: It's a superset of JavaScript.
Manager: Oh I know JavaScript, it's the latest version of Java, right?
Me thinking: He is joking. He tries to be the fun guy. Everyone knows the Java-JavaScript, ham-hamster joke.
Me later, also thinking: No he is not joking. Oh God, this is the end. We are all f*cked!

My sister is 16yo and she is not interested in the C.S field. I gave her last year my laptop and it has Debian on it, since i bought a new one. She never told me that she has to deal with any problem, she was just using it.
Today she got a new laptop from our grandma and she texts me "hey, is there any way i can install Linux on that? I don't want to use windows".
Well i told her that she has to wait me to come back home next month and i will take care of it.

I had never thought that i will listen something like that. Good day.

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

Yesterday's JR web dev interview:
👨🏻‍💻: Experience?
👶: Well JS, pyhton, UX Design and bit of Sass.
👨🏻‍💻: Feel like you'll have a hard time learning PHP?
👶: Well if it needs to be PHP, I can learn it.. Are you using a certain CMS?
👨🏻‍💻: Cool, good. Yeah we're using WordPress and need to support our sites for IE8.
👶:... Well.. ehm.. *runs away and screams in panic 💨*

Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.

Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"

CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"

Me: "Uh... so?"

CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"

Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"

Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.

CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"

Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"

Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"

CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"

Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"

A call I had today, girl registered a domain and put it in her hosting package:

Girl: so where can I view my email accounts?
Me: *explains*
G: Oh, I wanted an email address with info or my first name as part before the @ but I only see an account with the name of my hosting account username?
Me: that's right, that's a default one you get :)
G: oh 😞 I....I.... I've always have wanted a domain name with my own email addresses linked to it and I thought I could do that this way 😩
(I could hear the disappointment and that she seemed very sad suddenly)
Me: do you see that "create new email account" button up there?
G: Yes..... Wait.... Can I make like multiple email addresses myself?!
Me: as many as you can manage inside your hosting account!
G: 😵😍 OH MY GOD
Me: Haha, enjoy creating some!
G: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU BYE
*Click*

It's those moments which can make your fucking day!

Me: So i will share docker image with you
Colleague: It's a png or jpeg?
😑

Day 1: Integrates a new API
Day 2: Updates LinkedIn skills!

I had a secondary Gmail account with a really nice short nickname (from the early invite/alpha days), forwarded to another of my mailboxes. It had a weak password, leaked as part of one of the many database leaks.

Eventually I noticed some dude in Brazil started using my Gmail, and he changed the password — but I still got a copy of everything he did through the forwarding rule. I caught him bragging to a friend on how he cracked hashes and stole and sold email accounts and user details in bulk.

He used my account as his main email account. Over the years I saw more and more personal details getting through. Eventually I received a mail with a plaintext password... which he also used for a PayPal account, coupled to a Mastercard.

I used a local website to send him a giant expensive bouquet of flowers with a box of chocolates, using his own PayPal and the default shipping address.

I included a card:

"Congratulations on acquiring my Gmail account, even if I'm 7 years late. Thanks for letting me be such an integral part of your life, for letting me know who you are, what you buy, how much you earn, who your family and friends are and where you live. I've surprised your mother with a cruise ticket as you mentioned on Facebook how sorry you were that you forgot her birthday and couldn't buy her a nice present. She seems like a lovely woman. I've also made a $1000 donation in your name to the EFF, to celebrate our distant friendship"

Hmmm I’ve been doing it wrong...

Saturday late night wisdom.

Software developers you need to work on communication skills.
Everytime LinkedIn says need a problem solver. It means a guy who can understand what non technical guy is asking for and translate that to a software or at least come up with a example of why he is wrong. Explain them. They are not dumb fellows for asking that feature. You might think the feature is stupid. Don't assume this. Sit with them. Understand thier user flow, understand the frustration your software is causing them. Then you'll see why are asking for that X feature.

Every feature request made is basically my opportunity of understanding of product. Don't wait for users to tell you requirements. Understand and suggest, implement prototypes and show them, a causal question such as "Hey would you think providing a keyboard shortcut for this submission is great?"

Understand our job is not just to write software.

Our job is to solve thier problems using software knowledge.

Don't you agree ?

Once, I used inspect element to change Google's image to one from a meme.

My mom legit freaked out and thought I had just hacked Google themselves, and because she wouldn't believe me, I had to wait two hours until my dad got home so he could explain. During which time, I was yelled at about how we were going to be "sued for millions".

If she only understood how inspect element works.

Story of my life

When an "entrepreneur" tells you about his "fantastic" ideas and expects you to be all excited and wanting to develop it for him.

Nope.

An incident which made a Security Researcher cry
--------------------------------------------------------
I was working on my laptop finishing up my code while waiting for the flight which was late . Meanwhile two guys (I'm gonna call them Fellas) in black suit and shades came to me

Fella : Sir you have to come with us .
Me : *goes along with them*
Fella : Sir please proceed *points towards the door . The room has a round table with some guys discussing something *
Fella 1 : Your passport please
Me : *Hands over the passport*
Fella 1 : Where are you traveling to sir?
Me : India
Fella 1 : Put your laptop in the desk sir.
Me : Sure thing
Fella 2 : What were you doing there? *Taps the power button*
Me : Just finishing up my work .
Fella 1 : Or hacking our systems?
Me : Seriously?
Fella 2 : The password please .
Me : Here you go
*5 minutes have passed and​ he still can't figure out how to use the machine*
Fella 2 : Which Windows is this?
Me : It's Linux
Fella 1 : So you are a hacker .
Me : Nope
Fella 1 : You are using Linux
Me : Does it matters?
Fella 1 : Where do you work?
Me : *I won't mention here but I told him*
Fella 2 : So what do you do there?
Me : I'm a Security Researcher
Fella 1 : What's your work?
Me : I find security holes in their systems .
Fella 1 : That means you are a hacker .
Me : Not at all .
Fella 2 : But they do the same and they use Linux .
Me : You can call me one .
*After 15 minutes of doo-laa-baa-dee-doo-ra-ba-doo amongst them I dunno what they were talking , they shutdown the computer and handed over it to me*
Fella 2 - So you are somewhat like a hacker .
Me - *A bit frustrated* Yes.

##And now the glorious question appeared like an angel from river ##

Can you hack Facebook?
Me - 😭😭😭

Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.

Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"

Debugging:

Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.

Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.

Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".

*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*

App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?

Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.

Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*

Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?

Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.

Mam: but why was it opened there?

Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*

If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.

I am suspicious of one thing though.

Mam: what's that?

Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.

Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.

Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.

He's not rubber. Or a duck, but still a great debugger...

So apparently I must write in Chinese

Me: You girl are Exceptional, should I catch or throw you?

Her: You can try

Client: I need html code for this search bar *attaches png*

Me: Ok. I will send you the code. HTML is just for front end views.

Client: ok. I will place an order, you can send it over *places order*

Me: *copy 6 lines of code from bootsnipp*
*make some changes*
*submit to client*

Client: Thanks but when I press the search icon it does not display the relevant records.

Me: *smh*