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AboutI'm a cat
Joined devRant on 6/3/2016
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Fuck software assurance.
Fuck functional specifications, fuck software requirements, fuck V-model bullshit documentation, fuck integration test plans.
Fuck trying to shoehorn waterfall requirements into what clearly was an interative development.
Fuck me for being a single dev handling all this bullshit by myself.3 -
In 2008 I took my first web development job for an agency that's no longer around. There was a Vice President there by appointment from our coke headed owner who really liked to micromanage and invade privacy with key loggers and screencap spyware to "manage" us. I found out because my machine would snag when moving the mouse cursor and sometimes I'd accidentally paste the screenshot into photoshop just before the software cleared the clipboard. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know I was being monitored so I just unplugged my network cable and killed the service running the jank ass spyware. I'd delete it when no one was looking and wipe out the cache of screencaps it would compile every day. It was basically a troll vs troll stalemate for weeks. Finally they gave in and told everyone what was going on so we collectively decided to seek revenge. We bought a piezo buzzer about the size of a quarter that chirped like crickets at random intervals. We stuck it on the underside of his desk inside of the middle drawer area and let it go. They spent so much time and money trying to get rid of the cricket infestation. We let it go on for weeks. I ended up quitting before the gag was up, but damn was it funny to see him squirm in that office because of those crickets!6
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The coolest project I've worked on was for a certain country's Navy. The project itself was cool and I'll talk about it below but first, even cooler than the project was the place were I worked on it.
I would go to this island off the coast where the navy had its armoury. Then to get into the armoury I'd go through this huge tunnel excavated in solid rock.
Finally, once inside I would have to go thru the thickest metal doors you've ever seen to get to crypto room, which was a tiny room with a bunch of really old men - cryptographers - scribbling math formulae all day long.
I can't give a lot of technical details on the project for security reasons but basically it was a bootable CD with a custom Linux distro on it. Upon booting up the system would connect to the Internet looking for other nodes (other systems booted with that CD). The systems would find each other and essentially create an ad-hoc "dark net".
The scenario was that some foreign force would have occupied the country and either destroyed or taken control of the Navy systems. In this case, some key people would boot these CDs in some PC somewhere not under foreign control (and off the navy grounds.) This would supposedly allow them to establish secure communications between surviving officers. There is a lot more to it but that's a good harmless outline.
As a bonus, I got to tour an active aircraft carrier :)8 -
Once got 3rd place in a company "code golf". It was open to any language or platform.
I built a functional minesweeper game in Excel with 600 lines of code, complete with color and animation.
The JavaScript version won with 342 lines.4 -
Anybody else's company have daily irrelevantly annoying news reports about said company that pop up on log on?
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The British summer results in restless nights and broken sleep filled with nightmares.
One particular dream last night involved my friends messing around with a ouija board and they begin asking in questions. I remain sceptical and tell them to ask it to reveal the solution to the issues I'm having retrofitting a legacy web app with a new design.
The board disconnected itself. Hell had no answer. -
one week ago me and my team built an android controlled robot in 2 days from scratch. that was the coolest project this month.5
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devrant is not stackoverflow people. stop copying and pasting rants. It's likely we've seen it before. You're devs, use yo brains. #rant4rant #ctrlCctrlV1
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Compiler is like my mom. Every time when something wrong happened, they blaming me. And actually that's true.
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If you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting... worse still, if you play it forwards, it installs Windows.2
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When you were clever and improved the data quality of the address database by using your companies web service in a batch job for 10M records just to find out that each call costs 10 cents...5
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When you hear the data engineers talk about ambari, storm, sqoop, kafka & phoenix and you are not sure if they are talking about frameworks or pokemons..2
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I'm officially going to become an exterminator. That way I can at least honestly say "I took care of the bugs." 😎1
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Please ++ this. I need a stress ball. I've been debugging someone else's code for the past 8 hours and it might as well be written in Sindarin script.1
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Can we please take a moment to acknowledge the fact that our community has grown tremendously? #feelingblessed2
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*part rant part developers are the best people in the world*
years back a friend got a job at some non profit, as a program coordinator, and his first task was to "coordinate" the work on creating the new website for the organisation. current website they had was a monster built on some custom cms, 7 languages, 5 years of almost dayly content updates, etc. so he asked me if i would took the job of creating a new website on wordpress. i wasn t really keen on doing it, but he is a good friend so i said ok. i wrote down the SOW, which clearly stated that i will not be responsible for migrating the old content to the new website. i had experience working with non it clients, and made sure everyone understood the SOW before the contract was signed. everyone was ok with it. after three weeks my job was done, all milestones and requirenments were met. peechy! and then all hell breaks loose when the president of the organisation (the most evil person i ve met in my life) told my friend that she expects me to migrate the content as well. he tried explaining her that that was not agreed, that it will cost extra, etc. but she didn t want to hear any of that. despite the fact that she was a part of the entire SOW creation process, because she is a micro managing bitch. in any other situation i wouldn t budge, because we have the contract and i kept all the paper trail, but since my friends job was on the line i agreed to do it. my SQL knowldge at the time, and even now, was very rudimentary, the db organisation of their cms was confusing as fuck... so i took two days of searching tutorials and SO threads and was doing ok, until i got to a problem i couldn t solve on my own. i posted the issue on SO and some guy asked for some clarifications, and we went back and forth, and decided to move to chat. while chatting with him i realised that there was not a chance for me to do all the work in few days without a lot of errors so i offered him to do it for a fee. he agreed. i asked him for his rate, he said if this is a community work i will do it for free, but if it is commercial i will charge the standard rate, 50$/hr. i told him it was commercial, and agreed to his rate. i asked him if he needed an advance payment, he said no need, you ll pay me when the job is done. i sent him the db dumps, after two days he sent me the csv, i checked it, all was good and wired him the money.
now compare this work relatioship with the relatioship with that bitch from the non profit.
* we met online, on a semi-anonymous forum, this guys profile was empty
* he trusted me enough to say that he would do it for free if i wasn t payed either
* i wasn t an asshole to take advantage of that trust
* he did the work without the advance payment
* i payed him the moment i verified the work
faith in humanity restored3 -
When you are learning to use network services by building a twitter app, and can't get it to work for 4 hours straight because you spelled Authorize wrong...2