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Skillsjs, Android, python, java
Joined devRant on 5/3/2017
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Overheard from a sales call (involving web templates):
"Sometimes I really don't get our devs. They come up with all these ridiculous meaningless acronyms for everything, and yet they go mental if you dare shorten Javascript to Java."11 -
Okay okay here's another one
Client:pls put a pop up that asks the users weather they are sure about leaving the page.
Me: I think that would be redundant
Since he clicked the close button to close the page.
Client: what if he is unsure of leaving the page now he will stay.
Me: :/
Client:And another one when his login fails.
Me: pop ups can be disabled it's not good to use them especially for login screen.
Client (now slightly annoyed): Well,put a pop up warning them not to, isn't it obvious.God!!! I thought you were the smart one.
Me:;/21 -
React Native is a disappointment.
Navigation - Pick one:
- Laggy piece of ballsack react-navigation
- Native, but a pain in the ass to customize react-native-navigation
Have a UI which changes often, and have your UI respond to your actions after 2 seconds.
Have a FlatList, where one element changes, and have your UI respond to your actions after 2 seconds.
Spam click a UI element which triggers a state change, and have your UI respond to your actions after 2 seconds.
Fuck the bridge, slow piece of garbage trash cunt.
Fuck the buggy reimplementations of existing native UI elements.
I want to go native so bad, but I have no time, so I'm stuck with substandard cross platform trash.
Is Flutter worth getting into?8 -
Not programming relevant.
Humans are assholes. Last week was my birthday. First my mom need to remember my sisters and grandma. Last only send a WhatsApp message for my birthday. Saturday I want to celebrate with some friends. Some didn't respond, one decline because of health issues (was ok). At least 9 people including me. But only after 2.5h (8pm) the designated driver was "tired" and take 3 more people with. So they didn't take a walk or drive by Taxi, but went fucking partying at another place...
Half of family nearly forget my birthday and a bunch of "friends" are real jerks.9 -
Scaling a badly-written code which is not designed to scale.
Ended up re-writing the entire shit from scratch.4 -
A friend of mine wanted me to scale a 64x64px png image to the size of a facebook cover without quality loss.8
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Client: "This does not look like the mockups I gave you."
Me: "tHiS dOeS NOt lOoK LIkE THe mOkUpS i GaVE YoU"2 -
Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse.
Caller: Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture….13 -
First day at new web dev job:
Me: what IDE do you guys use?
Coworker: Notepad/notepad++
M: Okay... Any version control?
C: Oh we don't need it. We just update the server pages.
*Boss walks in*
Boss: Heres the project for you to do just need you to rebrand this web app we made for client A for client B just need to change some scripts. Should only take afew hours.
I take a look. No comments. Not formatted. Missing braces and brackets. Semicolons at odd places and missing at others. 7802 lines of code...16 -
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 204 No Content
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 413 Payload Too Large
Me: 102 Processing
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 429 Too Many Requests
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Me: 101 Switching Protocols
Me: 408 Request Timeout
GF: 102 Processing
Me: GET /sleep
Sleep: 404 Not Found
Me: 406 Not Acceptable
(Morning)
Me: 501 Not Implemented19 -
So this was a couple years ago now. Aside from doing software development, I also do nearly all the other IT related stuff for the company, as well as specialize in the installation and implementation of electrical data acquisition systems - primarily amperage and voltage meters. I also wrote the software that communicates with this equipment and monitors the incoming and outgoing voltage and current and alerts various people if there's a problem.
Anyway, all of this equipment is installed into a trailer that goes onto a semi-truck as it's a portable power distribution system.
One time, the computer in one of these systems (we'll call it system 5) had gotten fried and needed replaced. It was a very busy week for me, so I had pulled the fried computer out without immediately replacing it with a working system. A few days later, system 5 leaves to go work on one of our biggest shows of the year - the Academy Awards. We make well over a million dollars from just this one show.
Come the morning of show day, the CEO of the company is in system 5 (it was on a Sunday, my day off) and went to set up the data acquisition software to get the system ready to go, and finds there is no computer. I promptly get a phone call with lots of swearing and threats to my job. Let me tell you, I was sweating bullets.
After the phone call, I decided I needed to try and save my job. The CEO hadn't told me to do anything, but I went to work, grabbed an old Windows XP laptop that was gathering dust and installed my software on it. I then had to build the configuration file that is specific to system 5 from memory. Each meter speaks the ModBus over TCP/IP protocol, and thus each meter as a different bus id. Fortunately, I'm pretty anal about this and tend to follow a specific method of id numbering.
Once I got the configuration file done and tested the software to see if it would even run properly on Windows XP (it did!), I called the CEO back and told him I had a laptop ready to go for system 5. I drove out to Hollywood and the CFO (who was there with the CEO) had to walk about a mile out of the security zone to meet me and pick up the laptop.
I told her I put a fresh install of the data acquisition software on the laptop and it's already configured for system 5 - it *should* just work once you plug it in.
I didn't get any phone calls after dropping off the laptop, so I called the CFO once I got home and asked her if everything was working okay. She told me it worked flawlessly - it was Plug 'n Play so to speak. She even said she was impressed, she thought she'd have to call me to iron out one or two configuration issues to get it talking to the meters.
All in all, crisis averted! At work on Monday, my supervisor told me that my name was Mud that day (by the CEO), but I still work here!
Here's a picture of the inside of system 8 (similar to system 5 - same hardware)15 -
Do you guys also cant' stand it when you are forced to let someone explain something in a very basic manner to you when you already understand that topic very deeply?4
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Client (not for the first time): Your work sucks. I had to have this email formatting re-done before I sent it out.
Me: *sees that the email sent matches the work I did exactly with no changes*
Client (months later): I need you to do maintenance on my website.
Me: *does quick maintenance for free but sends update on status of work done and amount left in retainer agreement*
Client: You're too expensive! You started working with me for $X/hr, then you went up to $Y/hr and now you're all the way up to $Z/hr! You're not worth that!
Me: *fires client by refunding the remainder of retainer and sends client a list of local, cheaper providers*
Client: But now I don't have anyone to maintain my website until I find a new provider! Why have you done this to me? Waaaahhhhh!
Me (in the most professional language I can muster): Because you're a biotch and I'm tired of your verbal abuse. Maybe try not to be such a dbag to that next provider, mmm'kay?7 -
That mind fuck movement....
When your IDE reports you error on line 235.
And you find out line 235 is actually a comment. FUCK!!!!12