I was going out with this really nice girl, funny, independent, with a knack for entrepreneurship... and eventually she found out I was a developer and she needed a freelancer... and that's how she became a client instead of a date.

I don't use Google/Facebook for privacy reasons (and their sub-services etc). Haven't used them for ages but noticed that google still loads a lot of domains like analytics etc. This goes for facebook as well.

I now blocked a lot of google/facebook domains through my hosts file.

It's funny to see the amount of DNS requests to those fb/google connected domains nearly go to zero and also the fact that I literally can't load google/facebook anymore!

I do push-ups and sit-ups whilst running long running CPU-intensive jobs so that I can feel the burn along with my CPU.

@dfox, is there any intern positions available at devRant?

so i finally said fuck windows 😃

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends

I'm graduating today! loads of pictures will be taken today AND GUESS WHO JUST WOKE UP WITH A BIG MOTHERFUCKING RED INFECTED EYE FOR THE FIRST TIME OF HIS ENTIRE FATHERFUCKING LIFE. YES MOTHERFUCKING YES IT'S ME FUCKING COCK SUCKERS FUUUUUUUUUUU 😭😡

Infinite contributors.

I heard of it for the first time. And well, this sounds disgusting.

If this happens, I'll seriously start a revolution of hackers fighting internet providers. Seriously

Dear Misinformed idiots,
Just because you watched Silicon Valley doesn't mean you actually understand how Software Development works.
-We don't sit in front of a screen in an AC room googling funny pictures
-We don't think of new Algorithms by pretending to be jerking.
-We don't "get lucky" with our code, it takes hours of studying and research to come up with a solution which actually works.
-And we definitely can't just "create the *next* Google", THAT is not how it works.
I swear to the God ya'll love and cherish, the next person to approach me to turn their shit idea into "The next big thing", I'll leave everything aside and drive a screwdriver through your neck.

- An Engineer tired of everyone's never ending shit storm.

I recently got my first job and I already saw code that I won't ever forget

for(int i=0; i < 2; ++i) {
switch(i) {
case 0:
~~~
break;
case 1:
~~~
break;
case 2:
~~~
break;
default:
~~~
break;
}
}

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

Dear Clients,

if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?

- Your Unpaid Developer

Looking at well written code like damn👏👏👏

Reading other's code be like...

I hate my Scrum Master. Normally he doesn't even checks pull requests, and when you need his help, 80% of the time he's missing. Now that our boss is the new Product Owner of the application, the SM is bugging us A LOT

So fuck him, go away to do whatever the fuck you did before. Stop pretending you "work"

I am a full stack developer....

Pun of the day

Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment

When your repo gets forked on github for the first time

Ironically, the face I make when a project has no documentation is the same one I make when someone asks me to write documentation.

I just spent 5 minutes scrolling up and down rants just to see the scroll bar wiggle.

Sitting in Office on a Saturday learning how to Code :) There is nothing like a quiet peaceful office with no other keyboards clickety clacking than your own.

Spent 2 days carefully crafting a highly optimised routine, then spent 3 minutes to write an unoptimised version for benchmarking. The latter ran 50% faster.

One of the many joys in a programmers life

Android Andy made by my girlfriend...

My last employer lost 6 devs and 2 designers within a month because they thought money could buy them the right to treat employees like shit.

F_ money. We love our self respect more.

Friend: Oh, so you are software dev. What do you write mostly at work?

Me: bugs

I am more thankful to StackOverFlow and Google than I am to my university.

Hoi meet my desktop guardians. What can i say? I like big bots and i cannot lie.

coincidence?