The company I work for uses Coldfusion which is a dead technology in my opinion. I was tasked with using a data grid for our data from our mssql databases. This data grid I was trying out uses ajax to make a call to the server and expects the data transfered back in Json format. well coldfusion sucks balls because it's serializeJson function returns a outdated JSON structure and I can't use it. So obviously this datagrid throws errors and when I try looking up coldfusion solutions online or scope out stack overflow, the posts are dated like 6 years back because no one fucking uses CF anymore. My boss loves to jerk to it, it seems because he refuses to change languages cause its all they have ever used. -_- this is 2016 bitch lol

Trust me guys, waiting for the stress ball to arrive is worse than waiting for the stickers.

When you think the code from companies like Google and Facebook is flawless, but then you look at the source code of Parse 1.5.0 and find an if statement with the condition 'browser' === 'browser'

Very disappeared to watch the finale of Silicon Valley.

MRW someone asks me how to connect to a Linux based server

The layout for my little side project was working fine in IE last week. Made some server side additions over the weekend and now the layout is broken... in IE only. Guess who's putting in a user-agent redirect to a "Works best in Chrome or Firefox" page? 😉

@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me please?

Thanks,

Joe

——————————————————–
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

git blame

This is how it feels nowadays

Girl I met asked what I do for fun outside of work and training. Brain threw nullreference exception.

Is it weird to not put a space between the beginning of my if statements? (i.e. if(true) vs if (true) ) Cuz my boss thinks it's weird enough to "have a talk with me"...

meet the new PM
go to shake his hand
he throws a "fist bump"
i change to "first bump"
he changes to hand shake...
can already tell that we will not see eye to eye in many things...

Oops. Microsoft

I created a Clinic Wait Time app that shows patients their estimated wait time. These are displayed on TVs at all of our clinics!

When you write an efficient piece of code and because the legacy database is too slow to return the data, you have to find a way to delay your processing instead of finding a way to speed up the database web service.

Well, at least there are no errors...

What's the point of testing if the tester just tests the scenarios which developer gives. Isn't it obvious that only those scenarios will work.

Spent hours finding the problem in code. Suddenly something happens! Code works! Now I'm spending hours finding what made it work.

What does @dfox say?

Developer tells me jenkins job is broken and to fix it.Doesn't even look at the test report. "Works fine locally." 3 failed tests.

bae: hey,do you know where did the word 'oops' came from?
me: object oriented programming? 😋
bae: no, its from the noises that we naturally make when we slice our palm with the Night Cheese knife 😝
me:(quick search on the stack exchange app meanwhile) 😑 it's an alteration of upsy-daisy blah blah
and then she's like GOOD NIGHT!
😂😂

Use ES6 all you like, but good luck getting it to work in IE8

Quote dumbledore: "Soon we all have to choose between what is right and what is easy"

So very true in programming aswell :p

You know you are working with British people when you see $colours instead of $colors 🇬🇧🇺🇸

This is deployed on PROD(!) from my Senior Dev's app. Have I told you devs how much I hate this guy already?

As a Windows user tryin' to type a simple @ in a MacBook Pro: Every time a PITA!

Google has ruined my ability to retain information! I spent a few hours today failing to get my head around a problem, only to find I provided an answer to that very same problem several years ago on stackoverflow.

someone filtered stackoverflow in the office.
can't access it now.
:(

Wrote my first real node.js application today.
Expect to wake up with a beard tomorrow morning...

Truecaller fraud😁 no internet or wifi connection on phone but the total number in truecaller keeps increasing. They have just added an increment function since establishment and here they have 2 billion contacts 😂😂😂#shame_truecaller