Ooo boy :-/

try:
be_normal()
except TheyDidntBuyIt:
be_a_dev()

This is just wrong..

I went outside once, the graphics were amazing but the gameplay and story sucked!

Beer glass for programmers.. I need that 😂

When I was in my second semester of college I was tasked with creating a file encrypt/decrypt program. Take in normal textfiles and spit out a new random text and symbols file. I worked on it for two weeks and read up on all different encryption types and stuff. I was so excited when it was done. After it was done compiling I tried it out on its own source code. Encrypto.c and named the output file Encrypto.c 😰 The next thing I did was google " best version control and how to use it."

So true...

You know you're backend when it took you 30 minutes to program the inner workings of the platform... and 4 days to make it look pretty.

When my co-workers thinks it is fun to add this to my bashrc when i was away:

alias cd='exit'

My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

#foreveralone 😓

When the PM knows their shit and rejects the clients request for Wordpress and says the site is not a freakin blog.

Exception handling.

Choosing Java because it works on all platforms, is THE worst reason

Made our wifi password "********" so that when you click "Preview password" you see the same thing. Yes, I have a college degree and yes, that's probably the most clever thing I'll ever be able to do with it.

Meanwhile, in real life...

I typically stop reading recruiter emails when I get to the word anal.

Every programmer has to see this. (copy paste link below in a browser).

https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...

Two programmers have been arrested and currently sit in a jail cell.

Programmer 1: Hey I think we had too much too drink.
Programmer 2: I believe that is a logically assumption.
Officer: You have a phone call.
Programmer 1: Yes, it's my lawyer!

Phone: Is Steve Smith ?
Programmer 1: Yes, who is this?
Phone: Hi, this is Jane calling from Tech Hub Recruiting....
Programmer 1: HOW DID YOU FIND ME?!

How weird. When I upvote a Rant the tags disappear. Hmmm

Re-using the same variable for different things is *not* code re-use.

.eminem {
word-spacing: 0;
}

programming fact.....
long time ago ,
the people who sacrificed their love,family,sleep,food,laughter and other joys of life were called
"saints"

now they are called "programmers"

I have a joke about UDP but you might not get it...

Does it ever circle round back and somehow get real fast?

As developers we should all be super fit since we run and push stuff so many times.

Why do NoSQL devs work on the floor?

...

They do not have tables...

when you have spent hours to fix bug, then found the solution when you are in the toilet break

Heard this one on the lift today:

"I'm more of a backend guy"

You have to be really careful when you say that kind of stuff...

Anyone else put in headphones with absolutely no intention of listening to anything, just to make people less likely to bother you?