Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

It was less a feature, but more a bug wrapped as a feature

consumed 3x coffee than regular 😐
now I'm high af !!! 😲

!rant

Just watched the intern pull a beer from the beer fridge, and it's only 11:15am. What a fucking champion.

A friend needed to test an API so, I told him to download Postman to start testing POST request and he ask if he needed to download Getman for testing the GET ones 🤣

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

Interviewing a junior dev.
> Make this function return false.
> junior: deleted all code in function replaces it with return false;

Literally no words.........

My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

Friend: OMG are you hacking ?

[sudo apt-get update] running

Me: Yes. I am.

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

git blame
git fired
git depression
git divorce
git homeless
git commit
git job
git house
git wife --better
exit

*Working on personal project*

Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project
Don't get excited about another project

...DAMNIT

Headphones on = I'm in a flow. Leave me the fuck alone.

Today was completely fucked up. Mondays are pure evil.