Been suffering from a constant headache! -__-

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

Me: I mend shoes

Code comments be like....

When you look at the old projects you abandoned on github

My wife: “Commit, then come to bed.”

What ya think?

We do it fast! 😎

My clients be like

Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?

Prerequisites:

1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone

Instructions below:

1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎

Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁

Started at a new job and found this hilarious piece of code

Lol ok I had to post

Because you can't use proper English... :/

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

Christianity vs Javascript

"I want a toolbar that..."
Me.
"OH HELL NO!"

You suck!

Password field unique in database.

Cat5 Irma; speeds up to 175 Mbp/s. Expected to hit Florida with cable lengths of up to 500 miles

I know this is not the right place to post this but...

My parents are fighting a lot recently. It is getting escalated to the point where i feel ashamed to say that we are a family. I feel it is only because of presence of me and my bro between them that their fights settle down on few arguments from each other.

I'm even thinking of handing them over divorce papers to get done with.

Can't imagine how they would live together once they retire.

:/

the oscillation between the urge to do nothing and the urge to do everything

😂😂😂

Encryption

The more I show up to the office to tackle impossible client demands, the more I realize that I am living in the world of The Expert.

https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg

Manager in 1-1: You tell people they are stupid too often.... Dial it back a bit

Me: They are.

For sure you know people who ask you like "hey, you do something with computer, right? I have a problem with my (insert random device here)."
Of course I am looking forward doing so! I was playing with jboss and oracle all the day and like to do more computer stuff! Yes, today, I know it is important because your mom can't play candy crush right now...
No! Stop! After fixing PCs for nearly free in my spare time, I am blocking all these questions now and focus on doing things i like in my spare time. Are you still fixing other people's stuff for free? Stop it. Enjoy life!

Every programmer ever

"Why do we need to use Django, it is so complicated, let's use Flask instead"

I am in love with python