😂😂😂😂😂😂

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

Person: Hey, I heard you are good at programming, can—

Me: No.

If Chuck Norris asks a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question is closed as a duplicate.

Spectrum Dev: Hmmm.. what should I use for an error code...

Another Dev: The hell should I know.. what's your favorite letter?

10 points for next century option.

Interviewer: Alright, so tell me what you like about software, but you don't have to limit it to software you can talk about hardware too. But yes what do you like about software?

Me:

Friend: "What is devRant?"
Me: "A place where programmers tell jokes and complain."
Friend: "Why dont you just do that irl?"
Me: "Because we never test in production"

We've all been there

Started wearing USB sticks around my neck with thousands of dollars of bitcoin on them, feel like a baller

That feature though!!

LalaLan

Then they say

My feature branch is not yours! Stop pushing unrelated things! GO AWAY.

How to vertically center in css..

Difference between 0 and NULL.

A group of programmers and marketers were traveling to a trade show on a train. Each of the marketers had bought a ticket, but the programmers had only bought one ticket for the lot of them.

One of the programmers was keeping a lookout, and when the conductor neared their car he called out "The conductor's coming!" and all of the programmers piled into the train's lavatory and closed the door. The conductor took the tickets of all of the marketers, and then knocked on the lavatory door and called "Ticket please." The programmers slid their ticket under the door, and the conductor took it and left.

The programmers were laughing at the marketers for the rest of the trip, and the marketers felt like idiots.

On the way back, the marketers decided they would use the same trick and only bought one ticket for them. But this time, the programmers didn't buy a single ticket! Again, one of the programmers kept a lookout for the conductor. When he called "Conductor coming!" all of the programmers piled into one lavatory, and all of the marketers shut themselves into another lavatory.

One programmer came back out of his lavatory, knocked on the other door, and said "Ticket please!"

When I know that i 'm working on the same file with someone from my team, I do my best to commit first so he 'll be the one resolving conflicts :D

The submit button is the wrong color orange.
Priority:BLOCKER

Girl : I like dangerous men.
Me : I didn't run test cases while committing my changes last night.
Girl : my hero!

Me : *wakes up from the dream*

Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

Devrant should get a mention on silicon valley

UI design gone wrong

Any devs from CIA's Frankfurt department here? I can't remember if I shut my TV off before I left home, can you check?
KTHXBYE

So, I needed a package installed on one of our Unix servers. The package manager--which is obsolete garbage--was failing with a message which can only be described as a variant of "Go fuck yourself". A quick Google search didn't help.

3 espressos and an eternity later, I have descended into a manic state. My hair has turned grey and I have started lactating. As a last-ditch effort, I try a new search query on Google, and the first link takes me to a forum with a thread discussing a similar issue. The last post in the thread has a solution which works for me. After fixing the issue, everything in the world feels right and I decide to thank the generous poster, who is like an angel to me at this point.

Guess what? The poster is none other than me. 8 months back, I had created a user account on the forum just to post the solution to a similar issue I had on another server.

Hahahaha........😂😂😂. Now that's how to do it.

When you have the users test your application

My cat loosed resolution, what should I do? :/

Jesus, Apple are fucking amazing at design! A keyboard I need to prop up with a book and a mouse I can't use when charging.... Genius!!!!

New colleague in the office.

Him: How do you rename a file in terminal?
Me: Just sudo rm <filename>, rm stands for ReName.

I'm a horrible person.