Details
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AboutJust a SRE working with a big internet company.
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SkillsPython, C, C++, Linux, Kafka, Algorithms
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LocationBangalore
Joined devRant on 10/4/2016
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java --version
FATAL: Unknown parameter
java -v
FATAL: Unknown parameter
*googles get java version*
java -version
openjdk version "1.8.0_252"
FUCK YOU20 -
The creation of an e-ink usb stick showing how much space is in use was to this day one of the best things lexar ever did.19
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This shit is real.
Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.22 -
Was running tests on a big project I'm doing which still contains a fair amount of bugs but I was sure that all thresholds would succeed and the test wouldn't fire an alert.
Ran the test: alert received any fucking way.
FUCK.
*checks rule*
*waaaait a second, I've set the threshold differently by accident...*
HOLY SHIT THIS MEANS IT WORKS 😵
*pats project* - "good project 😊"1 -
Boss: I saw your last commit, great work!
Dev: But... You told me to delete all the features I added...
Boss: Yes, fantastic improvements!7 -
Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.12 -
Not a specifically dev related story, but absolutely rant worthy.
Today I was working from home, and my wife called me to tell me that some awful person had thrown a young cat into the dumpster at her work.
To that person - you are a scumbag. You’re lucky no one left you alone in a hot car as a kid, let alone a dumpster. Seriously, why? Why is it so hard to take it to a shelter?
Anyway - I went and bought a whole bunch of cat stuff - I grew up with cats but I’ve never had one on my own. We’re at the vet now. I think we’ll name her Curry (after Haskell Curry, and lovely spicy dishes).22 -
1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"32