Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

I guess she was fluent in C#

The new w3c standard "CSS Houdini" gives you access to the css engine and let's you write your own css properties. That means no more polyfils, new exciting website designs and more possibilities and control on how the css is rendered on all browsers.

*gets called by recruiter*

R: “We have a job in IT for you at one of our biggest clients”
M: “Okay, what exactly would I be doing?”
R: “Uh I don’t know, we haven’t received an actual job description”
M: “.... seriously?”

The best APIs are the ones which aren't versioned and completely change key features overnight.

Woke up this morning to three broken client apps. Yay.

Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.

Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.

F : But that's your job. No?

Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.

* Goes on to see the frontend *

I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.

Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.

F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!

Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!

Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*

Bastards!

Found this on telegram channel

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

*boss jokes around*

me: hahahahahaiwantanincreasehahahaha

I just saw a website that hid the login and sign up buttons while ad block was enabled. No popups or anything asking me to disable the ad block.

Well played developer, well played.

Design team: "Is it okay if I put this here?"

Me: "No, it's not okay if you put that there."

Design team: "Are you sure? It'd be really cool if I could put that there."

Me: "No, I will need to fuck with a lot of things if you put that there, just put it in the bootstrap columns."

Design team: "Hold on, lemme see if it's okay to put that there."

Lead-dev: "He's right, you shouldn't put that there."

Company: "We should have a meeting to discuss where the design team can and can't put things."

Lead-dev: "Just put the things in the middle and devide them in these twelve columns on seperate rows, 'kay?"

Company: "Okay, the design team will now put the thing in those things, right design team?"

Design team: "Yes, we agree to putting the thing where we should put the thing."

Me: "So where do you want the thing now?"

Design team: "I want it all the way to the right, outside of the container, that'd look cool."

Me: "Fuck you."

Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?

Yeah, fuck you too...

I shall not be limited by the boundaries that they have defined for me! I shall break free from these chains and transcend my internal barriers!
I shall earn my freedom!
-cursor

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

My shower renders temperature as a boolean. 😩

I know it's a bit old. This is just a heads up to javascript newbies.

So I accidentally published my AWS keys to GitHub, stupid me. I realize this the next day.

$ git reset
$ git push
Reset keys in AWS

I was too late. Bot already stole the keys and started up 53 EC2 instances. Racked up $4000+ of compute time (probably Bitcoin mining, I'd assume)

4 weeks later, I finally have this shit disputed and settled.

Don't test with hardcoded keys. You WILL forget about them. Env vars always. That is all.

Frontend-developer's day is like:

*moving element by 0.0001px to right*:
- *10 new pages appeared*
- *text suddenly disappeared*
- *pictures pierced bottom of page*
- *window.alert("Kill me")*
- *it's night outside the window, but you totally sure a minute ago was a noon*

*moving element back*:
- *no pictures*
- *no text*
- *no moon*
- *10 blank pages*
- *only darkness left in this world...
...and this fcking element, yeah*

Girl: I want to be your girlfriend. Would you let me?
Boy: No
Girl: Why?
Boy: const, not let

The end has begun

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

.push-up-bra {
margin-top: -25%;
overflow: visible;
}

>Do you speak Latin?
>Yes ofc
>Wow! Tell me something in Latin
>"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...."
> :O

Filling a form :

Normal Person
Name: Jim Jennings
Comment: Nice Post

Developer
Name: asfsafsadsa
Comment: asfsafsadsa dsad sdfs fa

Found a fossil in the bushes next to my house 😮

Tech Industry: “We need more developers!”

NewDev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced developers please! We don’t have time to train juniors ”

Older Dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “no, you want too much money and too much time off“

Mid dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced devs who are a culture fit!”

Robot dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “You are Hired”

Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?

Me: That machines take over the world.

Girlfriend: What?

Toaster: What?

now should i beg for points to make an avatar?

My girlfriend's dad asked me to fix his printer.

I open it up, pulled the cartridge, blowed some air and put it back again.

It worked.

He now thinks I am a genius.

Project manager logic.