What a great way to start your day and begin your fucking 2018

The cat just pissed on my laptop (it’s a macbook air)

Wet af

Stink af

Dried the fucking wet stink af laptop

It still works

But the fans gone crazy and slow af

Trying to reset the smc stuff

Nothing changes, still retarded

I want to open the bottom case but i dont have the screw driver

With its fucking limited 128gb storage i store my shits in cloud storages like google drive, dropbox and mega and my projects are stored in bitbucket so nothing to lose

Me : 1 vs Cat : 1

To my beloved cat:
I work hard using this damn laptop to provide food and home for you and you just take a piss on it.

If my Internet stays at the speed it's at right now, I'm going to start breaking shit veeeeery soon.

Fuck this fucking bullshit, how the fuck am I supposed to fucking work like this?!

10-fucking-kbs, go fucking fuck yourself.

Fuck.

What would you choose?

"Opps.. I'm sorry, but you have insufficient rights to open this Ticket."

Well. You know what? I AM THE FUCKING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR YOU CUNT!
YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT RIGHTS to restrict me access to that fucking ticket!

"Oh. In that case, go ahead."

THANK YOU. FUCKING PRICK.

In your earlier years. Try to work in a startup. Don't go for corporate life yet. You will learn hell of a lot in a small startup.

And also if you are doing job hunting just spam the recruiters and top officials of the company in LinkedIn until you get an interview setup. Because fuck it you need a job !

Best advice for dev job hunting is work on your soft skills. Don't be a fucking hero, prove your teamwork ability.

Remember all the rules of all religions and social communities can be summed up in one line: "Don't be a dick!"

"Vitamin B" as we say in Germany.

Would be something like "Vitamin R" in english, it's all about relationships to the right people.

The best way to get an interview call is through referrals.

Recruiters are lazy. They don't want to sift through resumes coming from sites like LinkedIn. Referrals are usually better quality.

I'm not saying this. My recruiter friend is.

Hey everyone!

devRant will be going down on Friday, July 7th around 10:30pm EDT so we can do some database maintenance and restructuring of our cluster. It hopefully won't be down for more than about 30 minutes or so, and during that time you should see our "down for maintenance" message.

If you usually use devRant while you're on the toilet (we know many do!), we apologize and suggest you try to schedule around this!

Please let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience.

"This dump is taking forever" - things that sound strange outside of a dev environment.

What are some other good ones?

Patch ASAP....

Programming is like sex:

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If it wasn't for coding I wouldn't have met my boyfriend. 😊

We started working at the same place and position with 2 weeks apart, and quite quickly we turned into best coding buddies which eventually turned into more!

2,5 yrs later we no longer work together in the same company, but we do live together and code together on side projects at home ☺️

Fact=!rant

Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?

Put headphones on when I got to work at 7:30am.. it's 3:10pm and I just realised I never started playing music 😑

When your boss asks you to debug some crappy legacy code and you need to bring in the heavy artillery

*Me Coding with a laptop and desktop when friends enter *
Friends : u r a coder right? Hack something in front of me.
Me : *sick of explaining ppl*
*SSHs into lap from desktop and shuts it down*
See. I hacked my lap
Friends : whoa! Cool man

Table not found😂

Theory vs practical.

Programmers are like cats, you need at least two of them so they can play with eachother

Me coding at Starbucks and this hot chick passing by me stops to tell me:
- I love WebStorm, don't forget to command + alt + L.
Me:
WebStorm:
MacBook:
Charger:

Holding the power button to shut down your computer feels like you're choking someone to death.

"One man's crappy software is another man's full time job"

When linux crashes : "OK, maybe i did a mistake, the program i made was bad or something like that"
When windows crashes : "THE FUCK THIS OS IS BULLSHIT !"

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

😐😐😐

Being able to reproduce a random bug is an art!

My company bought us a Xbox and few games for playing in free time... I am not going home this weekend...

"Hey, can you help me with our Algorithms & Data Structures task? I tried to tranlate my problem with Google translator but I can not select the option to translate into Java."

I was speechless when a girl actually asked me that

* Me to a girl*
Me : Hey can I know your age?
Her: I can't tell the age like that!
Me: Oh! I see! Can I get your email address so that I can contact you later!
Her: priyanka1995@gmail.com

Me : —_(@_@)_—