I feel like people don't understand what I mean when I say "I'm a console gamer"

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

And then there is this beauty...

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Hey everyone - just a note on rants about politics: we've had a long-standing policy not to really allow any of them. So if you post one and see it quickly disappear from the feed, that's why.

We've gathered a lot of feedback on this and Tim and I both agree that Facebook is ridden with posts about politics and one of the more refreshing aspects of devRant is we've kept it free of that. It's also an aspect of Facebook that many people I've talked to really hate.

Thank you, and feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

Picked up a legacy site to re-build, turns out just adding:

'?admin=1'

to the query string gave you full admin rights to the entire site without having to authenticate. The site was live for 2 years.

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

CSS can kill you!

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

And the most useless function of the year award goes to...

Leaning Tower of Pisa being a wonder of the world is basically "It's not a bug, it's a feature" example.

Guys on CodePen are making battling Pikachus out of pure CSS and I'm just sitting here trying to get my navbar straight.

When I accidentally double tap on someone's rant.

My wife is turning into my project manager . . .

Me : Check out this game I'm building as a side project!

Wife : Wow that's really neat! I expect to be able to play it on my phone. 1 month?

Me: What? I haven't even learned how to port ...

Wife : (interrupts) ONE MONTH

Scope creep even at home *sigh

That pain

When your cat knows how to get you

Pushed a month of work to production and left the office. Cool guys don't look at explosions

For less than a second, I thought I found a bug on devrant

Those naughty monkeys

Had a 3 day interview. Got a callback few days later. On my way to my first job!

Guess who just pushed a whole week's work straight into production without a single damn test and everything works fine?😎😎😎

Who else think this is awesome

My friend had managed to move up viewport with pure javascript...

Real HR policy ...

HR Manager in Heaven!!!

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "

"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules."

And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
...
...
...
....
....

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies

Grandma:you studying programming so you good with computers?
Me: yes?
Grandma:can you help me with a serious computer problem?
Me: Okay?
Grandma:I can't seem to post a picture on Facebook.
Me: 😐

What only relying on JavaScript for HTML form input validation looks like

When you go to paste a piece of code with CTRL+V and accidentally press CTRL+C instead so you have to go back and re-copy it.

browsing application source, found this beauty of a method 😶