AWS has identified suspicious activity on my account.

I'm using it for the first time in 2 years. That's the suspicious activity.

4+ years ago, in an interview, I was asked if I was familiar with keeping backups of my code on Google Drive.

When I asked them to explain what that is, they said that after a deployment, they make a ZIP file of the project and keep it on Google Drive.

When I asked about using GitHub/BitBucket they said they don't know what that is and neither do they intend on using it.

So yeah .....

Step 1: Cancel the meeting.

Q. A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.

A. They left because they couldn't find a table.

A PR I raised was left un-reviewed for 3 months. And finally when shit hit the fan, I was asked why I never worked on the fix.

I pointed to the PR I raised 3 months ago and I got absolutely flamed for it because obviously, it was my fault that I did my part, asked for a review and moved on to other tasks.

According to my manager, I should have kept pushing for the PR to be reviewed.

I wanted to set the office on fire that day.

Me: I have 7+ years of experience as a frontend developer. I’m very proficient with modern frameworks and tools such as React, Vite, etc.

Senior technical HR Generalist recruiter: are you familiar with HTML?

Seriously, HRs are so dumb

My colleague is an expert at bullshitting during standup. I admire him, honestly.

Yay, merged 30 pull requests on a Friday.

What could go wrong :D

The people saying that ChatGPT will replace programmers are the same ones that thought as a kid that math was useless because you have calculators

Third World country: *has power outage because of corrupt government*

Our outsourced devs: Hey sorry boss, we will not be able to work today because there was a power outage. We'll make it up for it during the weekend! We're saving up for a power generator so this doesn't happen again!

Manager: These lazy @#$@ (racial slur) are so lazy and stupid!

Bugfix: 1 line of code

Apply bugfix within tests: 60 lines of code

I can write a 100 page research paper on why I hate Windows operating system.

Got a CV Today and the guy literally listed one of his skills as 'Googling'

We're interviewing him

saw this girl's post LinkedIn. a typical influencer like format post which had nothing of value and instead was a post asking for help with a question (basically it consisted of a android doc link for an android component followed by some hashtags like #6969daysofcode #day69 #xyz and "has anyone used it before?share resources")

then i noticed 2 things:
1. she works in my previous company in the same position that i did , and started a month after i left. so basically she is my replacement.
2. i and my senior (who also has left that org) had created the exact same component that she mentioned in the post, and we had created that component as an awesome plug and play component that would handle multiple usecases with decent documentation

now am having this urge to dm her the exact classname in the code to see and learn 😂😂

or i can play this uno reverse card and write a blog on that component writing another influencer like post: "in my previous company, we created this awesome component and here is how it works..." her boss (our TL) also follows me and what i know of him, he will be tagging her, pinging on slack, and discussing it in the DSA the next morning 😂

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

It's the end times: I've received a JIRA ticket asking me to fix something in JIRA

Habits to curtail

coding elves...

Fuck you, I Quit

There ain’t no feeling like replacing 6 lines of code with 6 characters of Regex.

devrant: tell us about your shitty co-workers
everyone:

today I learned, OP means 'original poster' in stackoverflow

I’m leaving matrix for a while.

Freak yeah!!! Just installed my first SSL Certificate on my Ubuntu Server!!!!! 🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾🤘🏾 First time I had my IT friend do it. I thought about contacting him again, but then thought, what the hell, let's give 'er a shot. 2 days and a whole lot of anger and frustration later https:// is a green light!!! 😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

eclipse is probably the worst IDE ive used so far

Do NOT "compress" your code by leaving out braces in control structures and putting the 300 char statement on the same fucking line as the control structure!
Yes, your code file becomes vertically shorter than the usual 3000 lines, BUT my brain tumor proportionally grows larger.

Javascript Developers😂

Fuck the memes.

Fuck the framework battles.

Fuck the language battles.

Fuck the titles.

Anybody who has been in this field long enough knows that it doesn't matter if your linus fucking torvalds, there is no human who has lived or ever will live that simultaneously understands, knows, and remembers how to implement, in multiple languages, the following:

- jest mocks for complex React components (partial mocks, full mocks, no mocks at all!)
- token cancellation for asynchronous Tasks in C#
- fullstack CRUD, REST, and websocket communication (throw in gRPC for bonus points)
- database query optimization, seeding, and design
- nginx routing, https redirection
- build automation with full test coverage and environment consideration
- docker container versioning, restoration, and cleanup
- internationalization on both the front AND backends
- secret storage, security audits
- package management, maintenence, and deprecation reviews
- integrating with dozens of APIs
- fucking how to center a div

and that's a _comically_ incomplete list; barely scratches the surface of the full range of what a dev can encounter in a given day of writing software

have many of us probably done one or even all of these at different times? surely.

but does that mean we are supposed to draw that up at a moment's notice some cookie-cutter solution like a fucking robot and spit out an answer on a fax sheet?

recruiters, if you read this site (perhaps only the good ones do anyway so its wasted oxygen), just know that whoever you hire its literally the luck of the draw of how well they perform during the interview. sure, perhaps some perform better, but you can never know how good someone is until they literally start working at your org, so... have fun with that.

Oh and I almost forgot, again for you recruiters, on top of that list which you probably won't ever understand for the entirety of your lives, you can also add writing documentation, backup scripts, and orchestrating / administrating fucking JIRA or actually any somewhat technical dashboard like a CMS or website, because once again, the devs are the only truly competent ones - and i don't even mean in a technical sense, i mean in a HUMAN sense of GETTING SHIT DONE IN GENERAL.

There's literally 2 types of people in the world: those who sit around drawing flow charts and talking on the phone all day, and those WHO LITERALLY FUCKING BUILD THE WORLD

why don't i just run the whole fucking company at this point? you guys are "celebrating" that you made literally $5 dollars from a single customer and i'm just sitting here coding 12 hours a day like all is fine and well

i'm so ANGRY its always the same no matter where i go, non-technical people have just no clue, even when you implore them how long things take, they just nod and smile and say "we'll do it the MVP way". sure, fine, you can do that like 2 or 3 times, but not for 6 fucking months until you have a stack of "MVPs" that come toppling down like the garbage they are.

How do expect to keep the "momentum" of your customers and sales (I hope you can hear the hatred of each of these market words as I type them) if the entire system is glued together with ducktape because YOU wanted to expedite the feature by doing it the EASY way instead of the RIGHT way. god, just forget it, nobody is going to listen anyway, its like the 5th time a row in my life

we NEED tests!
we NEED to know our code coverage!
we NEED to design our system to handle large amounts of traffic!
we NEED detailed logging!
we NEED to start building an exception database!

BILBO BAGGINS! I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help you!

Don't really know what this rant was, I'm just raging and all over the place at the universe. I'm going to bed.

!dev

Fuck Russian government. I have nothing else to say.

😂😂😂