This is my coworker keyboard.

How the fuck can someone like this?

Remembering last year tweet...
https://twitter.com/ajlobster/...

When you work too late and can't mentally switch off so you just start the next day without any sleep

Let's clarify:
* Github is not Git
* Android is not Java
* Unit test is not TDD
* Java is not OOP
* Docker is not Devops
* Jenkins is not CI
* Agile is not institutionalised total chaos
* Developer is not Printer Support

The more I learn, the less I know.

Salary negotiation

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

Met a cute girl at the ATM today.
Long story short, she gave me her Instagram account and I ended up giving her my GitHub account.

So a Redditor decided to inspect element an adult's website. Why am I not surprised

Pleb: "What's your job?"
Me: "I'm a programmer."
Pleb: "Great, because I have a problem with my pri..."
Me: "STOP! Last person who thought I was a printer support serf got strangled with the printer cable."
Pleb: "But it's a wireless printer."
Me: "Right, where's the power cord?"

Client : we need a better captcha system.
Dev:

I love these wires.

Hey devRant I've made you a cake 😁
Thank you for the precious time and awesome people

Monday Status Report:
Production: Fucked,
Dev: Super Fucked,
Deliverables due today: Extra Fucked,
Phone: Ultra Fucked (rant brought to you today by Chrome ext),
Car 1: Mega Fucked,
Car 2: Slightly Fucked,
Jeep: Completely Fucked,
House: Copiously Fucked,
Today: FUCK

Finally got my hands on this! 😋

Fuck you Windows 10 and your fucking mandatory updates that fuckes up every fucking time! Fuck you and your fucking inability to update beyond 71 fucking percent! This is the last fucking time you waste my time, your fucking out! Fuck you!!!

Today I moved from Windows to Ubuntu 16.04. THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING OS IN THE WORLD. I feel I can do anything here.

Linux is freedom.

When back-end engineers get excited about something.

Syntax error!

The picture is worth a 1000 words.

Found on a grumpy colleague chair

We were given a MacBook in the beginning. Yesterday, appreciating my work, my manager gave me a MacMini to make my own server for testing purpose. I joined just two weeks ago. 😃

I like you if you're not a dev.

I like you if you're a dev.

I don't like you if you're not a dev but you try to act one.

One picture to rule them all

All the way to Nairobi, Kenya. A great start to Monday. And YES, I have a phone on my desk!

When you have a 7Mbps ADSL and your brother keeps loading Tv series:
- 192.168.1.1
- QoS
- YOUR_MAC_ADDRESS priority=MAX
- HIS_MAC_ADDRESS priority=MIN

Well, now begin to complain that the connection is slow.

!rant

I had to stop developing hybrid android applications with Ionic and start developing native.. I was given 1 week to present an app or they would hire an external developer.. I knew nothing about Java or Android development and in 4 days I already have a working, hardware scanner integrated, API calling, camera picture taking,.. Application! My brain hurts and I'm feeling like a zombie, but hey.. I'm proud of myself! :D

Chinese co-workers visiting in our European office would just loudly fart in the office, no problem.

Then they'd be VERY embarrassed at someone using a toothpick after lunch.

Interesting cultural differences.

Hackathon: being a C and embedded dev and everybody like: let's do webz! Or appz!

The company I was working for, closed. Told a friend: "lost my job today" He told me: "you never lose jobs, you just lose bosses. Now get to work for you"