Boss: Ah good! Good to see you're hard at work.
Me: Yup! *smirks*

Inner Peace!

Is there anything worse than maintaining two versions of the same application? Checking out two branches and submitting two pull requests for each and every single thing is killing my productivity. 😔

Recruiters be like

I'm really not sure what they're doing with this...

Now with the newborn I really feel compleet :/

Bullshit in the morning from QA.. Horseshit in the afternoon from PM and all kinds of crap from the boss..

And finally some babypoo in the middle of the night

Yes, that happens!!!

Might be for the best sometimes...

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

He wanted to create a 4000 character long string

That feeling when your soul dies a little because you implemented it as you were told and not as it should have been.

How did the Stack Overflow developers debug their code?!? :O

I really don't get people that use their IDEs with white backgrounds. How do they manage to keep their eyes from frying?!

Time for an actual rant:

During an internship I heard from my PM that my assignment for the week after was going to be working on a specific sql query to add some features and fix some bugs.

When talking with colleagues about that assignment later, they laughed and referred to the query as the "query of doom" (QoD), naive as I was back then, I thought that one of my colleagues had the QoD displayed on his screen because the query he was working on looked rather large (about 20 lines). They all laughed and told me I was in for a treat.

Starting my assignment the week after I was horrified to find out the QoD was huge, and by huge I mean, printing that specific query resulted in 8 A4 pages font size 10, front and back.
There were over a 100 union statements, no proper aliases, no documentation, not a single foreign key in the entire database, naming that makes no sense. And everything written manually by 10 different developers over the past years, who all fell of the face of the earth.

And this was only the query of doom. The entire product was a complete clusterfuck of forms with a queries directly behind action buttons, because we weren't allowed to make classes (yes you read that correctly. We couldn't make classes, unless we had a very compelling reason). Everything was created by over 30 different devs who only managed to stay just long enough to get some work done.

And all of this was the result of a PM who didn't believe in frameworks, ORM's, OOP, classes, ... because that made the software slow. To this day he still manages that product, but I'm glad that I quickly decided to move on.

When they say that app needs to be IE9 supported 10 months into development

Are you reading your own email?! Do you even comprehend what you just wrote?!

At least it's Friday. Happy Friday everyone!

When you encounter a character encoding issue.

When theres no deadline and then suddenly... "I need a solid build by tomorrow for the client".

Client gets an error message. Proceeds to write the error message on a piece of paper, scans the paper in as PDF and attaches the document to an email to tech support.

You always develop on a Mac, you get a great job offer, and on your first day, you find out you will work on a windows pc.

When a recruiter puts Java in a job spec when they mean JavaScript

True, it is true

When your professor tries to tell you no one uses git in industry and you feel bad for all the other students who believe him. Side note: he is convinced everyone uses subversion.

Dev: we have two days until go live. We got 20 bugs, 5 stories and two people on holiday.

PM: ok so could we get these 3 stories squeezed in as well?