Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

My fisrt Month in the industry. Just after 5 years at University :) #sohappy

Finally

Trying to explain what database is to non technical people/ non developer

One of our existing clients who used to pay for two of our products but now only pays for one just called us. The one he canceled is a loss prevention product that tracks internal theft in stores. He canceled it because he didn't feel it was worth it.

Now, he's calling us from a police station because he's trying to press charges against one of his managers because they were presumably stealing from him.

"Hey I need to know how many times this person stole from me over the last few months and I need to know it now because I'm at the police station."

With just a few clicks that would be an easy figure to retrieve for him had he not canceled our product.

My stance is he can get lost. I don't even think he sees the irony of canceling because "it isn't worth it" and then "asap" needing the data that the "worthless" product provides. Of course, he wants it without reactivating the subscription.

Unbelievable.

"I can write a script to do your job"

Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

I just casted a var into proper type.. was satisfied coz it's my first open source contribution lol

Today my roomate told me about his classmate who asked a really nice question " why do we need a MAC address in a WINDOWS machine". They are in a masters course for network security.

Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.

But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.

Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.

Nope nope nope nope and more nope.

Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.

There is no better terminal emulator for linux than xterm. Change my mind.

Was doing some work on a server today and removing loads of stuff.

rm -rf file1
Etc
Etc
Etc

Went into another directory with very important data. Wanted to do ls -la but my fingers went:
rm -rf ./
.
.
*1 milisecond later*
😶
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
CTRL+C
*VIGOROUSLY CHECKS FILES*

Everything still there 😅

This guy

I spent 30 minutes trying to find out why this element wasn't hiding. This isn't a Vue.js project. It's AngularJS.

I'll use vuejs without all node hype.

Say hello to the beast my friends:
i7-8750H
GTX 1060(6 GB)
16 GB RAM(2666 Mhz)
😎😎✌🏼

Imagine all the variables...

Kotlin is really cool though.

Whenever an app asks me to rate it, I always tap on "Maybe later" instead of "Never" just so that I don't hurt the developers' feelings.

This is so mean

Useful cheats to live-by

I have a confession to make:

Anyone have one of the new MacBook Pros with Touchbar? I'm looking for some project ideas to work on.

I already am working on a project for the Pi-hole project (network wide ad-blocking) but I am looking for some other good ideas. I think Apple's view of the Touchbar fell short, but as developers I think it opens up a lot of possibilities to use it as a great information/monitoring tool.

I am also still learning Objective-C and Swift so I am a newbie.

Accidentally come across this. I guess I was pretty annoyed back then.

Google was hiring till the last week. If you didn't apply, don't worry. They already has all your information. They will call you if they like you.

WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING READ THE CHANGES IN YOUR FUCKING PULL REQUEST???

If you did, you would realize that 50% of the stuff is total fucking nonsense. I don't want to see that you changed "var a = 0" to "var a= 0" just because you can't type with your shitty fingers.

Also, if you did read the changes in your PR, you would have realized that you added a bunch of totally unrelated changes in totally unrelated files.

Fuck! Am I the only one who always tries to produce a clean changeset?? Damn

This is what I've been up to in my free lesson @ school yesterday ^^

Was talking to a woman who recently found her lost phone.
After talking about apps which track your phone I asked her if she had an iPhone or an Android.
Her response: "I've just got a Samsung eh"