It’s 1am, I’m pretty sure that even though I’m in my bed now I’m also standing on the stage telling a hostile community “and now with the help of tiny hacks we...” I can’t finish the sentence because the whole mob is screaming at me and the worst part of it is that I don’t care about them. Shame is an emotion. To feel shame you have to be alive, you have to have a personality. I don’t feel shame. It scares me.

Yeah ofcourse, Gotta be today's special 😂😂😅

So apparently that 'deadline' wasn't thát strict...

How to waste money as a dev company, 101:

Give people ton of budget for their education to do whatever they want with it with no oversight at all:
1) Devs go to some shitty confs in places across the world that teaches them nothing (new) so they can visit interesting places on company's money
2) Go to a conf where you learn ton of stuff that can be implemented right away

...Then you come back, no time to do stuff properly, just "make it work" (or make it seem like it works), because of deadlines, poor prioritization, new features, bad planning, vague roadmap and poor client management. And the worst of them all, LGTM code reviews.

Few months later, who the fuck wrote this shit? Oh, dude that left? What about this mess? Oh, he's a goner too. What the fuck should this random undocumented chunk of code do?!

Do that a few times and you've got bunch of pissed off clients with a ton of bug reports nobody can solve without wasting 20x the amount of time it would originally take.. LGTM

RIP project.

My team lead is off this week and I was selected to be the "acting team lead". So far I have attended 73648283 meetings. Please pray for me!

I am introducing the Thunderdome policy:
2 Tickets enter 1 Ticket leaves. (Aka 1 Ticket gets worked on the other one gets deleted.)

recursion...

I started a nee personal project few weeks ago. I named it SelfVPN. Its simply a VPN client that lets you create DigitalOcean droplets and install vpn server without opening DigitalOcean panel. You just need to add your api key in application.

It takes like 5 min to create new server and deploy vpn server. So I am paying hourly usage of vpn! Even if I don't destroy droplet it wont cost more than 5$ a month.

I am thinking to open source it. But code is too messy 😅 Here is the first look of it

[Client]
We've noticed we gave you the wrong product prices for our new online shop.

[Dev]
Yeah, just login to the backend and fix them.

[Client]
But we don't want to use your fancy backend, we'll be using anyway soon - we want EXCEL!
Could you send us an EXCEL, so we can fix that?
How much will this cost?

[Dev]
Sure... here you are.
Not that much, takes about an hour.

[Client]
Great, you'll hear from us in a few days.

(a few months later...)

[Client]
We've finally managed to update the EXCEL. And btw, we've also added a bunch of columns with product pictures and new properties, highlighted products to delete red, inserted some comments with manual instructions and basically destroyed the entire data structure of this table.

Before I forget... also make sure to get this finished today, we have to go live ASAP. Our marketing campaign is already live.

[Dev]
Well, I'm sorry to say this, but this is not possible.
I'm currently working on another project and it will take me hours to clean up the data you sent me, before even starting to build an import tool for the new data you provided. Better stop the campaign and I'll do my best to get this done by the end of the week. Also it may be a bit costly.

(angry client calls immediately...)

(dev transfers to manager...)

(client transfers to client's boss...)

[Manager]
Ok Dev, I think I was able to explain it to them. However, it would be great if you spend day and night to get this thing out ASAP.

[Dev]
No problem...
I'll just do it by hand to get this out immediately.

(few days later; nearly done, exhausted)

[Client]
Hey Dev, here's another EXCEL.
We've just noticed there were a bunch of errors in the previous one. Please use this instead...

My company seems to never have the money to do something right but always have the money to do it twice.

Metroid meets Calvin & Hobbes.
Do I really need to explain why?

IMHO: all the hate on Katie bouman is absolutely stupid. if you want to blame someone, blame the media for portraying her as the sole person on the project. She never once took credit only for herself and always mentions that it's a team effort. And what the fuck is so wrong that the focus is on the woman engineer anyways? If this was a man, no one would give a shit that he "didn't give credit to his team"

"Hey, this developer does some good work, I think I'll follow them to keep up... Oh, their online presence is consumed in identity politics? Damn."

Without CSS, all websites are perfectly responsive and look great on any device or screen size. We break them with CSS, then need to fix them... ponder that a bit.

By Timothy Smith on CSS-tricks.com (https://css-tricks.com/hmtl-css-and...)

Bout to loose my shit. Fucking hate it when clients push and push to launch the system as urgently as possible. Say they have run through the test version and understand what they are getting and sign it all off. Then come back 2am the day after launch and bitch and moan cause its missing features they thought where there when they weren't part of the original planning and always use the excuse "i have just bought a bunch of marketing, your loosing me money" or "I have an important even with important people that need this tomorrow" and try make it your fucking problem.
Firstly, fuck you
Secondaly, fuck you.
I cant even comprehend your lack of logic.

#TheResponsiveStruggle

When you realize that you're googling an error message you've implemented yourself

The importance of headphones is to avoid listening to co-workers talking nonsense all day long, especially young people.

Great ...

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

Modern software has gotten so bad that it even gets sluggish at times on late 2018 flagship devices. Slow, cheap hardware like is usually developers' and fanboys' excuse, particularly when it comes to Windows stuff? Like hell it is.

Software "engineering" has become so.. terribly inefficient. I'd dare any developer worth their salt to rewrite their program to make it work on an early 2000's machine. After all, those can run pretty advanced GUI's, have a reasonable amount of hardware (just think about how large a gigabyte of RAM really is) yet should be able to make for a reasonable limitation set.

Hardware limitations are the mother of optimization. Not every person on the planet has a 32-core Xeon workstation with 64GB of DDR4 RAM and a GTX Titan in it. Whether your application performs reasonably well on your machine shouldn't be the metric. Try deploying it on that laptop you tucked into a shelf years ago and reevaluate.. please.

And definitely you Slack!! Slacking off, is that what inspired the name of that pile of junk?! 😡

Skype interview for CERN: done!
Interviewers were very nice and professional :) If all goes smoothly this adventure starts in September!

Boss: Write a program to generate a report using some data from an existing one.
Me: OK, I will look into doing a POC
Boss: Also it would be stored in Mongo so all the data is queryable
Me: OK I will generate the file first
Boss: But it needs to be in DB, couldn't you just upload it when done?

This discussion goes on for 30 mins+ preventing me from finishing release related work...

IF THE FCKING POC/REPORT ITSELF IS WRONG OR IS MISSING INFORMATION/CAN'T BE GENERATED WHY THE FUCK DOES WHERE IT'S STORED MATTER?!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE TOY EATING TIME ON THESE TINY DETAILS THAT DON'T MATTER AT THE MOMENT.

FUCKING GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. YES EVERYTHING IS DOABLE... JUST NOT NOW.....

Client: The new page template you sent us looks different on production compared to the other pages that use the same component.

Me: Oh, that's strange since the styling is at the component level. Hmm, let me dig in to it.

Start poking around trying to figure out what I managed to screw up only to find that it looks exactly the same on local and staging. Eventually find another style sheet the client is importing on the production site to change some of the styles.

You know, a change that isn't anywhere to be found in the repo, and no one ever asked for anything to be changed. Their "Dev" decided he would hack in a fix instead of shooting me an email.

Apparently he tried changing the SCSS file but the changes weren't showing up. He changed the minified stylesheet but his changes were overwritten on the next deployment..... #howdoesSASSwork?!

Same client as my last rant so I'm not sure why I'm surprised by this. Oh well, I'll take that hourly rate.

Just shaved my beard off.... now I can't remember how to use the bash shell :(

Just found hackthissite !
AMAZING! I just can't stop doing challenges!

Fuck me, i suck at hardware. Trying to build an automatic cat feeder, but it is crap.

What the hell is wrong with me?

It was even less than maybe 2 months ago since I loved my job, had co-workers I happily called friends, wrote code I was proud of, and felt like I had a meaning and a place in the industry. I had plans for my future and everything was great.

But this entire week felt terrible. Everything was awful.
I despised every single word of those idiots I called friends.
Their craft - our craft - is a colossal and monumental failure; A sad joke, that insults more than it entertains.

I can't bring myself to program, not even to fuck around at home...

And I have no idea what to do now.

Customer complains about an issue after a software update. The head of department himself tested the update and got an error message.

Me looking at the logs. Ok, that's an issue, but based on hardware failure, customer should fix his hardware, no relation to the new software.
But surprisingly close to the software update, which piques my curiosity.

Me looking at older logs ... same issue. EVERY FUCKING DAY. For months. The corresponding error message only appears if a user is logged on, so quite a few people have seen it. Obviously nobody cared. Maybe we just ditch error messages, it'll save lots of work.

Soo.. what do you do as a software developer, rank senior, when you turn 35 and programming kinda becomes repetitive. Data source this, controller that, factory f-yeah. Well, you sign up for math studies. And then you realize you forgot everything down to multiplication tables... fuck