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SkillsPHP, SQL, Docker, DevOps, Node.js
Joined devRant on 10/28/2016
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On a serious note, what is the solution to this problem ? Leave and Join a smaller company ? Or give the boss a blowjob ?4
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Privacy is going bust
We're robots now
Chewing on our politians delicate ARSE
Fuck this shit
I'm going underground
Cold War Two awaits us.
The net shall be our shelter.
They blew it. We dig deeper.
Jesus Christ are we assraped5 -
Recently I've installed Tinder. Had my first match yesterday.
Me: "I see you're a product manager in a software company. Do you get along well with programmers? :)"
No reply. Unmatches. 😶18 -
Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.
After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.
This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.19 -
Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.
I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.
Suddenly the production is down.
Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.
That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.24 -
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."11
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Shopping with gf. This is fuckin bullshit. I want to code... FUCK THIS! DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKIN CHECK EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN ITEM'S SIZE AND PRICE RECURSIVELY? For fuck's sake, I got shit to do!7
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Some sort by Date, some by length, others by upvotes. But devrant's algorithm is so great it sorts by sarcasm.4
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My simple MySQL Connector for every languages (Dekstop/mobile). I've tried this in C#, VB.NET, and Java. Trust me, it works. How 'bout ya?9
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Sudo apt-get install -y php7.1
E: unable to locate package php7.0
E: couldn't find any package by regex php7.12 -
First Happy new year, now lets get put on the dancing shoes... (I have another one coming, but this one is fresh)
As a PHP developer (yeah I am and I like it, if you gonna hate on me... go fuck yourself) I expect to not be required to reinvent the wheel when I have to use something that is not too mainstream (in my case was producing JSON and XML HAL responses). Now there are 2 (fairly active and somewhat mature), one of which does not produce XML responses, so off I went with the other one, but for fucks sake it does not produce XML that is compliant with the (draft)RFC (https://tools.ietf.org/html/...)
So as I need that, I decided to write one myself, since extending the one that provided XML would've been a waste of time, since it is NOT documented and for some reason depends on about 4 packages (also developed by the same maintainer), why the whining you ask, eh? Well fuck this shit. It took me 2(+2 classes) to achieve everything (according to standard as far as I can tell) + went with using a "hydrator" as opposed to reflection (the lib used reflection and didn't care too much for the access modified on the property of the object being serialized) so got a pretty solid performance boost, cleaner and simple code (I wrote it for a few hours and it is ugly, but hey KISS and it works perfectly)...
So with the more ranty part of this rant... Why the fuck so many people don't write independant packages for the simple parts... I don't hate it when I need a package and end up downloading half of the codebase of symfony or whatever fancy framework the dev decided to use, wasn't it the point of having 'package managers' (composer, npm, etc.. you get the deal..) instead of promote our projects and not force others to use our favorite framework that is absolutely out of scope for their projects...
Fuck you, fuck me and fuck everybody... If this continues I will continue writing my own packages from scratch, because "you" asshole are too lazy to learn and apply SOLID and common sense; even if your life depends on it you cannot write a meaningful piece of code without "the fancy framework of the month" holding your hand and allowing you to continue being a dumbass that has enough brain cells to walk straight and remember that you have to go to the toilet and not shit all over the place....
FML.... Fuck this shit and that is the main reason my gears grind the most when I head "you should use *framework name* instead" or "don't reinvent the wheel", fuck that guy I refuse to work my ways around a framework in order to get things done, my boss aint happy for that shit you know, I don't get paid to deal with your crappy code or uninformed opinion..3 -
Is there anything worse than bugs that you can reproduce easy but lack exception/error messages so you can't fix it?
I'm working on a hobby project for Android and I can't solve a bug and it's killing me (the whole project depend on it). I went through all phases:
1. I notice the bug early but couldnt reproduce it so I let it be.
2. I notice it happen a lot when I started to use the framework for real. Decided now that I need to fix it.
3. Found the exact way to reproduce it.
4. Trying different ways to fix it, nothing works.
5. Write question on stack overflow, no answers.
6. ???
It feels like if you can reproduce the bug 100% of the time it should be easy to fix right? Well hell no - no exceptions, no error message and adb hangs until I stop the procedur. The last kick in the balls? When I stop the procedur I get all logcat messages back and everything look like normal. Just give me a damn error message! Tell me what you're doing or what I'm doing wrong!3 -
Petition to officially rename the term 'build' to 'kraken', so QA can shout 'Release the Kraken' and I can shout back 'The Kraken has been released!'.19
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So I didn't really like my old setup, it wasn't comfortable enough, so I set this up today! What do you guys think?3
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I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.7
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few errors in application and boss said I'm not made for development , eventhough I love working in my field. Devastated :(7